*Justin, 31- The Bad Date
Pros:
Nice
Tall
Great conversationalist on text
Cons:
Anxious
Overthinker
By popular demand- my first bad date.
I saw Justin on Bumble and had such high hopes!! He’s 6’5, brunette, green eyes, good looking, went to Columbia for grad school, and is a Journalist that just moved to DC from New York. On paper, sounds great. Most of his pictures were outdoors. He looked active and fit-swiped right, it’s a match.
As usual, I sent the same question I send every guy on bumble. Say it with me: “What’s your go-to karaoke song?”
J: “Karaoke is actually my nightmare. But screaming Bennieeee is fun”
(Bennie and the Jets is my go-to song. If you didn’t know that- welcome to my blog :D Start reading from the beginning).
Me: “ahhaha either we are already incompatible OR really compatible bc there has to be one crazy person and one normal person in every duo”
J: “Lol just because I don’t like karaoke doesn’t mean I’m sane!! We should have a crazy off. We can get a definitive answer to which of us is the crazy one. Also you’re in Jordan now? So dope”
OKAY, so he’s silly.. we love it. He seemed so confident. We talked while I was in Jordan. Just a few messages a day. But he was the one person out of the guys I was chatting with at the time, that I would wake up and be happy I got a message from.
When I got back from my trip (after I recovered from the flu), he texted me.
J: “Hey I know this might be last minute, but is there any chance you’d like to get a drink with me tonight”
FINALLYYY… I was literally thinking “about f*cking time.”
It was a Friday and I was actually pumping 130 balloons for my brother’s engagement party. I made a balloon arch. Woman of many talents. I still wasn’t feeling perfect after being sick, but after being bedridden for the past few days, I was ready to get out of the house. He sent me a few options and asked which one I’d prefer.
None. I preferred none lol. They were all like… pubs. Sorry, I’m a little boujee, it just wasn’t it. No worries though, I actually suggested another place in DC.
Me: “Okay I’m going to counter with this one. Trendy and cool… like me :P “
I don’t usually meet a guy for the first time in DC, but I really like this place called Dirty Habit at the Kimpton Hotel. It’s really edgy and I’ve had amazing food and cocktails there before. He agrees and we decide to meet at 9.
I was assembling my balloon arch on the floor with my hair down, which unfortunately made my hair smell like latex… it was disgusting. I didn’t have time to wash it, because I have 12 pounds of hair, and it would have never dried in time. You can blow dry it you’re thinking- no, it would have been frizzy- the girls that get it, get it, and the girls that don’t- I’m jealous. Anyway, I’m spraying an ungodly amount of dry shampoo and rose water in it trying to mask the smell, but it’s not really working. Whatever- the dude’s a giant, when we hug, he’ll be smelling the top of my head, not the bottom (the part that smells like latex). This whole hair fiasco causes me to run a few minutes little late.
I text him to let him know.
J: “In a strange turn of events I’ll be early”
Me: “Then you’re in charge of picking a good spot for us”
J: “Oh no”
Me: “Okay why don’t you just get comfortable and I’ll make some executive decisions when I get there”
J: “Lol yes please. Decision making stresses me out”
Um… Okay, it’s just picking a seat, it’s not that serious. But maybe he’s joking? I’ll let it slide. I told him I didn’t eat (learned my lesson from that group date), so I asked him if we could just get a few apps. He was totally fine with it since he didn’t eat either. After like 5 minutes he texts me again.
J: “Okay I’m going in. Wish me luck”
Wish you luck? Wish you luck?? Bro you’re going into a restaurant, not a war zone. Wtf are you so worried about.
Me: “Ahaha are you actually so worried”
It’s sinking in that he actually might not be joking… and it’s giving me the ick.
J: “No I’m fine. Although I’m not sure how I feel about this chair”
Me: “I’ll come save you in a bit”
B*tch ….wtf is going on lmao. If you’re not comfortable- MOVE. Ask to be seated somewhere else. Like you’re 31 years old, I …
Anyway, I walk in, and see him seated at a table. I’m not gonna lie ya’ll…. that chair was actually way too small for him. Like way, way tiny. It was like if you put Shaq in a kindergarten classroom chair.
I walk up to him and give him a hug. Well… let me break down the rest of this story in terms of mistakes that were made, and what to do instead. Take notes.
Mistake #1: Being generally anxious and indecisive even before meeting.
What to do instead: Just make a decision. If you’re unsure if the person will like it, just wait until they get there and say “Are you okay with sitting here? I’m totally fine with moving.” It shows you can go with the flow.
Mistake #2: When I went to give him a hug, he gave me theee most awkward little side hug. First impressions are everything! Like… I can usually tell within the first 5 seconds of meeting someone if we’re gonna click or not.
What to do instead: A warm welcome, a normal to strong hug, and a nice compliment. The girl put time into getting ready, so it’s nice to hear something nice. If that’s not your style, even just saying “It’s so nice to meet you, thanks so much for coming” goes a long way.
You paint a picture in your head of what you expect a person to be like right? In my head, Justin was this ultra confident, funny, and charismatic person. And well… I guess he did have those things over text- they just didn’t totally translate in person.
I ask him if he saw a more comfortable place to sit. He said he was just gonna follow my lead. Ooookay. I see some people leave the bar- thank God- bar seats. We sit down and look at the menu.
We decide on our drinks and appetizers. Not gonna lie, the times I’ve gotten food there before I’ve loooooved it, but this night it was kind of a flop. He asks about Jordan and I tell him how amazing it was. I tell him about some of my other trips. How I’m the group planner for my friends and planned Sri Lanka for 10 girls and planned Colombia for 13 people. Clearly I’m very good at making decisions- and I love going on trips with my friends.
J: “That sounds like my nightmare….”
Me: …
J: “That’s just like a lot of people. I think I’d get stressed out being with that big of a group for a long period of time. I’d need to go do my own thing for a while.”
I told him I understood. It requires a certain amount of flexibility and patience and social stamina to travel in groups. I’m not gonna knock him for having different travel preferences, but… obviously there’s a compatibility issue. Well, there was a compatibility issue before I even got there.
He tells me a bit about himself. He’s into comedy. He takes some time to open up to people. He feels a little misunderstood because he’s always thinking philosophically about life, and people can think he’s pretentious for it. I asked for an example.
J: “I don’t know, sometimes I wonder what’s the purpose of life. What are we doing here? There’s been millions of people before us and there will be millions of people after us. What’s the point? We’re on a sand grain in an infinite universe of sand grains”
Bro… fair point, but………. my face when he said sand grain……
Is this what keeps people up at night? Do I just have main character energy?? Is he having an existential crisis?
Me: “……. Uhh… I think we’re just here to help others and to do things that make us happy… whatever that is. And then we die… that’s it. I don’t think there’s more to it than that”
Basically live, laugh, love b*tch.
Mistake #3: It’s not really a mistake, just more of a personal turn off- When guys/people don’t have a sense of purpose. I guess it just shows that someone doesn’t really know themselves yet. And if you don’t know yourself, you can’t love yourself. And to quote RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen.”
What to do instead: Idk, I just like when people have confidence and a sense of purpose. My purpose is to bring people joy. I can’t be so sure of myself and be with someone who’s not. (Yes I have moments where I have no idea what I’m doing with my life- I also feel lost and confused and small at times. But generally I know myself and I like myself, and I’m not questioning my existence on earth).
ANYYYYYYWAY- We finish our drinks and I call my Uber. He walks me outside and he waits with me. He was a really nice person, just not my person. I was standing there, smelling my hair… He’s looking at me so confused. I told him about the whole latex hair thing, and how I was nervous about him smelling my hair when I got there.
J: “May I?…” (He gestures at my hair)
I laugh- “yeah of course.” He smells my hair and says he doesn’t smell anything. Then he pretends to stark choking…
J: Imagine if I had a latex allergy
Wait- did he just make a joke? Am I just now seeing his actual personality in the last 5 minutes of this date??
Me: “I guess no condoms for you then”
We both start laughing. (I joke a lot about sex for a person who’s not having any. This blog could be called Sexless in the Suburbs.)
My Uber arrives, and he gives me a HUGE hug, and takes a DEEEEP inhale of the top of my head.
J: “Ahhhhh…. one for the road”
He starts walking away. Wait- this guy is f*cking funny. And he’s a good hugger.
Me: “Did you pull out a strand of my hair while you were at it?”
J: “More than you know”
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Don’t be so serious/ anxious that your personality doesn’t show until the very end of the date. Be weird, be stupid, and just be yourself.
(Even if you’re not compatible, at least you’ll still have fun).
