*Liam, 33- Ryan Gosling
Pros:
Well traveled
Smart
Hot
Insane Body
Amazing physical chemistry
Cons:
Pretentious
Incompatible
Takes things too seriously
I first saw Liam on Hinge and thought… damn, he’s fione as f*ck.
He’s an engineer, went to Carnege Mellon and has a really cool job that lead to him to living in Africa for 10 years. Smart, hot guys are just… *chefs kiss. Smart, hot guys that are also well travelled… uuuuf… the crème de la crème.
I scroll through his profile and I realize…. wait, this guy looks exactly like Ryan Gosling. Blonde hair, blue eyes, some scruff, not super tall but tall enough, physically fit… (really fit MMmmm). He had a voice prompt which…. idk, sometimes is so cringe- but okay let’s hear what he has to say. The prompt was “My most controversial opinion is”. His recording was something along the lines of “My most controversial opinion is that eating with your hands is a better way to eat food than with utensils. To me it’s like the difference of touching someone with a fork or with your hand, it’s much more intimate.”
First of all- SAY LESS FAM, I’m brown, I eat with my hands anyway. Couldn’t agree more. The food tastes so much better. It IS the better way to eat.
Secondly…. the second half of that felt weirdly sensual and I’m into it.
I keep scrolling through his profile and discover he’s been taking ballet classes for two years. Woah. That’s… unexpected…. I mean, I just feel like that’s a random thing to pick up in your adult life but, cool. I respect anyone that tries something new, and I definitely respect anyone that doesn’t give a f*ck about what other people think. He also had a picture in a dance studio and has that deep V cut on his abs so….. no need to overthink this decision… I’m gonna match with him.
He had responded to one of my prompts: “Don’t judge me for wearing my Patagonia vest for 2 days straight including to bed.” (And to clarify, I only do this in the winter and it’s not a fashion choice, it’s purely because I’m cold all the time).
L: “If we start dating and you do this, you’ll find your vest mysteriously missing” (shrugging emoji, laughing emoji)
Me: “Haha you’ll have to take it off my body, and I mean that in the least sexual way possible”
He outlined his whole master plan of how he’d get me to take it off. Crank up the heater, break out the extra heavy winter duvet, make me so hot I take it off, and then generously offer to take it to the dry cleaner, where it will eventually disappear. He had good banter, was witty… oh and did I mention he looks exactly like Ryan Gosling???
He asked me out to dinner, and in line with the theme of eating with your hands, he suggested Ethiopian food. He said he’d do some research and make a reservation. Points for taking initiative. He made a dinner res at place called CherCher Ethiopian in Bethesda, which is right near where I work, so perfect easy drive for me. Honestly, I’ve had Ethiopian once before…. and I didn’t love it. But I was open to trying it again. And I was also down to show off my skills. Eating with your hands? I’m the Kobe of eating with your hands.
He texted me a few days later, the day of our date.
L: “See you tonight at 7:30! I’ll text you a little ahead of the time when I’m arriving and the shirt I’m wearing or something”
Me: “Amazing, I’ll be wearing my Patagonia vest”
L: “Do it. I’ll wear mine”
Me: “I feel like this is a trap!!!”
L: Melting emoji
Me: “Bit too hot for that today, might have to be a second date thing. If this goes well and all”
L: “I’ll have to be on my best behavior if I ever wanna see that vest”
Me: “If you break out some ballet moves I’ll be impressed”
Points for having a sense of humor.
Obviously I wasn’t gonna wear the vest- it was a 90 degree summer day and I wanted to look cute, not like a finance bro. I wore this black linen puff sleeve midi dress with a slit that goes up my thigh, and my hair down. I looked elegantly hot.
He texts me a little before the date.
L: “I’ll probably be there a few minutes early (don’t think a man should be late for a date).”
Okayyyy Liam, points for being thoughtful. I mean, tbh, I’m not a stickler for punctuality (obviously don’t keep me waiting for 20 mins), but I’m on CPT (Caramel Princess Time) anyway. But thoughtfulness is really important to me, and he’s doing great so far.
Me: “Perfect just parked! I’m just waiting at the crosswalk of the longest light ever”
I crossed the street and I see him emerging out of the restaurant to greet me and ohhhhhhhhhhh myyyy Godddd. Honestly time slowed down a bit. What in the La La Land, Notebook, Crazy, Stupid, Love is going on here. It’s summer, so that late sunset glow is glistening off his little blonde head as he slow mo walks over to me. He smiles (wow), arms wide open (w0w), GIVES ME A KISS ON THE CHEEK (WOWW), hugs me (wowie), and says:
“Hey, you look beautiful, nice to meet you”
Um… Let’s break that down. THAT was a perfect, 10/10 first impression. The strongest first impression out of every date I had been on up until that point, and every date I’ve been on since. I mean, the confidence, the compliment, the kiss on the cheek (!!!). First of all, I feel like American guys don’t usually do it, it’s always the non-Americans, and I love that sh*t. And the hug was so strong and so good. Remember that awkward little side hug from my bad date? What the hell was that. This is how it’s done. 10 points for Gryffindor.
Yes he’s obviously gorgeous, but I swear, any guy that says hi to me like that…. you’re already starting at an advantage. And it really just boils down to feeling like the guy is excited to see you. An underwhelming introduction just doesn’t set a good tone for the rest of the date.
Anyway, we go inside and sit at a table. Obviously I have no idea what to order so I fully let him take the lead and order for us. I ordered my usual date drink, a marg, and they tell me they don’t have any hard alcohol, only beer and wine. Okay that’s fine, I can do white wine. I ask him what he wants and he says he doesn’t really drink a lot. It’s not that he doesn’t drink at all, he just doesn’t drink often. Which is actually my same vibe despite the branding of this entire blog lol.
L: “Ethiopians make this honey wine. Everyone makes it differently but if you want, we can try that”
Me: “Sure, why not. I’ll try something new”
I liked that he was teaching me about a culture I really didn’t know that much about. We talked about his job and his time in Africa. He lived in a few countries but mostly in Kenya, and a big part of his job was bringing water systems to rural villages. It was giving hot engineer.
Anyway our food came and since it’s Ethiopian, it all came out on one big plate. He explained what everything was to me and he started eating. I was watching his technique. Okay, he really knows what he’s doing. I was watching his hands, he was watching mine.
L: “I like your nails”
Me: “Thanks, I actually just got them done today since I knew you’d be looking” (lol)
He laughed…
L: “So, it’s pretty normal for Ethiopians to feed each other a bite of food. It’s called “gursha.” You just feed a bite to someone at the table, my friends used to do it.”
He takes the sourdough bread and scoops up all of the curries into a perfect little bite, and reaches over the table and puts it in my mouth. Mmmm… I was surprised with how comfortable I was with a strangers fingers in my mouth….
…………
………………………………………………………………
and I…. OOP (Jasmine Masters reference)
Anyway-
No but actually, (lol) I grew up with Sri Lankan family members feeding me. There’s nothing better as a kid than having your parents feed you with their hands. Even now, on occasion, when my parents give me a bite of food off their plate, it’s like a rice ball of love. (It hits extra when you’re sick- if you know, you know).
Anyway, this tangent is all to say, eating off of the same plate is intimate enough, but feeding each other takes this dinner date to a whole different level. Up until this point the date is going soooo well.
He asks me about my recent trip to Jordan, and asks if I travelled around the country. I told him that this time, I stayed in Amman since all the wedding festivities were in the city, but the last time I was there I went all around and got to see a lot.
Me: “My friends got married in Petra, and now they have a daughter named Petra! I got to meet her this time!! Their wedding was amazing, once in lifetime…”
I pull out my phone and showed him some pictures of the wedding. I mean he’s been to Petra, Dead Sea, Wadi Rum… like he’s super well travelled too. I thought it would be fun bonding.
He tells me about this trip he took to Iceland…. and how he was so annoyed that the people he was with were taking photos.
L: “Yeah I literally can’t stand when people take photos when they’re travelling, just live in the moment”
……….. Um.. this is really f*cking awkward considering I literally just showed you my travel pictures, L-O-L.
Me: “I mean, Iceland is beautiful, I’m sure they wanted to document it. When my parents went they came back with so many nice pictures. I don’t know, I’m sentimental, I like to document things. I also just like photography too…”
L: “Yeah I guess. I think people just travel now to take pictures. I have these friends that went to the Maldives for their honeymoon. Why would you go to the Maldives for your honeymoon?”
Me: “Why wouldn’t you go to the Maldives for your honeymoon??”
L: “They came back and posted this whole album on Facebook. Like what was the point of that? Just to show off to everyone that they went to the Maldives?”
Me: “Um… to have memories from their honeymoon and share it with their family and friends?…………….. So on your honeymoon if your wife wants to take photos with you, you’re gonna say no?
L: “Yeah, I’m not posing for pictures”
Like, Sir… why do you have a stick up your ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like it’s not that serious. Okay, well major incompatibility here. Not just about the pictures, but just generally taking things so seriously.
Anyway, he asks if I wanna go on a walk after dinner. I’m like sure- the date started off so strong… and he’s really hot so…
Me: “So I shouldn’t ask you to take any pics of me on our walk????”
He chuckled…
We walked past Dolcezza Gelato and decided to share a small ice cream. We got it to go and found a bench to sit on. We were sharing some dating stories, how he got catfished, etc… but I legit was just thinking why haven’t we touched or like kissed yet... I had a stiff shoulder and was kind of stretching it on the bench while he talked. I guess he caught on and started rubbing my shoulder while he told his stories. Woo, physical contact.
We finished our ice cream and talked about our summer plans.
Me: “Yeah I have one more wedding this summer. I have a lot of friends :P”
L: “I always say people with a lot of friends don’t have real friends” (He was like half joking/ teasing me)
Me: “Well I will be with my best friends in Italy”
L: “Oh yeah, when you said that in our chat I was like ‘Oh this girl really wants people to know she travels’ (eye roll)”
Me: “Whaaaaaaat?? What am I supposed to do, just not talk about my summer plans!? I mean.. that’s literally just my life.
Okay wtf… why is everything so freaking serious. Strike 2 buddy boy.
We continue our walk…. we’re house watching down this pretty street and I really can’t remember what lead up to it, but we start kissing, and oh my God, talk about redeeming qualities. The guy was an amazing, and I really mean AMAZING kisser. And he’s so fit I could literally feel his abs through his shirt, and the way his hands were holding my face and my back… and whatever else ……………………………………. I was like butter, BUTTER in his hands. Melting away. Wowowowow… so so good. I got to make out with off brand Ryan Gosling. Sometimes I even surprise myself…. even as I’m sitting here writing this in my old T-shirt with pimple cream on… wow, go me, I can really pull bitches I can really bag some cuties.
We were making out standing up and these little teenage girls were walking behind us so we were like, maybe we should get off the main walking path and go somewhere a little more ~private. There was another bench that was behind a fountain or something where we sat and had a fabulous little makeout sesh. The thing about that black linen dress I was wearing… it’s so light, it kinda feels like nothing.
Anyway, it’s getting late, I’m like I should head home. He walks me to my car, but manages to annoy me with one more pretentious opinion on the way there lol. The details don’t matter, I was just like… once again… it’s literally not that serious.
I enjoyed the dinner, the physical chemistry was insane, but clearly we are super incompatible so…. obviously I wasn’t planning on dating him. I’m sure he felt the same.
We texted each other pretty much at the same time when we got back.
L: “Home”
Me: “Made it home haha”
L: I win (laughing emoji) Because I don’t have friends to text :/
Me: Well according to you I don’t have real friends so..
L: True, so we’re both sad
Me: I’ll be sad in Italy (reg flag emojis)
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Physical chemistry ≠ Compatibility
There are plenty of hot guys/girls out there. Don’t get hypnotized or d*ckmotized when there are obvious personality differences.
