*Pierre, 30-Am I a Booty Call?
Pros:
Hot
Smart
Sporty
Great Lover
Cons:
Only texts at night
f*ck boy energy
Hello readerrrrs,
Greetings from New York Citayyyy.
The big apple.
The city that never sleeps.
The concrete jungle.
Over 8 million people, living, dreaming, working, and f*cking their way through this great city. Famous… and infamous for its dating scene.
I mean, it is the backdrop of one of… no… THEE most iconic dating show in history. Sex and the City. And while a lot has changed since Sex and the city aired (from 1998 to 2004)… and we may look back on it a liiittle more…. ~critically… (We are not doing 10 year long situationships and chasing emotionally unavailable men in 2025, come on), the state of dating remains… bleak. As I mentioned in my maid of honor speech at my best friend's wedding, her New York era was riddled with rats and rodents, both in terms of the subway and veeeery sketchy guys.
And listen, honestly, I don’t wanna knock on dating in New York. I don’t even like having a scarcity mindset! If you believe there’s enough money in the world, money flows to you. If you believe great guys exist, a great guy will find you.
If you believe there’s no money and no men… Well, you just might end up poor and alone.
I’m kidding, but tell me I’m wrong.
ANYWAY- I’ve never lived or dated in New York. So all I can do is listen to the people who have, and take their word for it. And what I’m getting is…. it’s rough. I feel like everyone knows a city 35 is different from a suburban 35. Peter Pan syndrome is rampant; people don’t want to grow up or commit. That, plus the surplus of people and options, the fast life…. the millennials really do be crowding the clubs. Like, we had our moment, we just don’t need to be partying that much anymore. It’s getting embarrassing.
Anyway, I’m in town for work, helping a Sri Lankan company at the annual Toy Fair. And of course, in my free time, I’m meeting up with my friends in the city. Last night I went to this small Italian restaurant with 3 girlfriends called Aria Wine bar, in the West Village. I’m so picky about Italian food because… I eat Italian food all the time in Italy and have an Italian boyfriend. Oh yeah… we haven’t gotten to him yet. But we will! So excited…
Anyway, if you’re rolling your eyes thinking I’m a pompous, stuck up b*tch who thinks she’s better than everyone just because she eats Italian food in Italy- let me save you some time.
Hi, I’m a pompous, stuck-up b*tch who hates shitty Italian-American hybrid food. And by the way! Alfredo pasta isn’t a real thing!! And if you ask an Italian for it, they’ll just look at you really confused, and ask, “Who’s Alfredo???”
Now that we’ve covered that, my compliment will mean a lot more.
This place, Aria Wine Bar, had reeeeally good food. Their homemade pastas were incredible. If you live in New York- I would def recommend as a date night spot. Brick interior, cozy, very laid back, dimly lit. There was a couple on a date at the bar, (the guy was cute too) and I thought, “good for her” -Lucille Bluth.
We split the Calamari to start, and my friends got the Fettuccine ai Funghi (wild mushrooms with truffle oil), Rigatoni e Gamberi (spicy grilled shrimp and garlic tomato sauce), and Linguini Vongole (Linguini and clams). I got the Octopus and potato salad (which I’m not seeing on the online menu now), which was also very good. If you’re gonna share a few dishes, get it; but if you’re only getting one entrée each, go for the pasta. I had some regrets.
Anyway, now that I’ve literally told you where to go and what to order, why are you not planning a date ASAP? TEXT HER.
(I’m just taking a shot in the dark here, but if one New York boy texts one New York girl…. a win is a win, a win is a win! Am I right??)
Anyway, we split a bottle of wine and started yappin.
We all took turns updating each other on our lives. It was very Sex and the Cityesque. Updates on work, moves, and most of all… relationships.
And I have to say… it was a lot like that viral tiktok sound from Trixie Mattel.
“The way I would [bleep] him, I’m a ride he wouldn’t survive.”
Okay sis, pop off!
Anyway, with permission, I just have to share one of my friends stories because, first of all, it’s hilarious, and secondly… we need to bring more awareness to girls so they can actually know the signs of BCS (Booty Call Syndrome). I just made that up.
So let me tell you about Mari, and the moment she realized, she might be a booty call.
Mari is this very naturally gorgeous brunette, super superr smart, Argentinian. And she was also wayyyy innocent back in the day in college. While all her friends were hoeing out, Mari was most definitely the “good girl.” This saved her from a lot of heartbreak and embarrassing learning lessons. But there are some lessons you just can’t avoid. You’ll learn them the easy way (from the people that have made the mistakes before you) or the hard way (ya live and learn). But either way, you’re gonna learn them one way or another.
After graduating college, she moved to New York cuz she got into Columbia for grad school. She’s super smart, I told you. Then she found a job and really started her life there. (I’m summarizing a LOT- she actually went back to Argentina, applied for months; nothing is ever that easy.) But whatever, the point is, she found her way back. And wellllll… when in New York… you date like a New Yorker.
And she went buuuuckk wiiiiildddd.
Mari had told me that she had gone on a bunch of dates, was active on the apps, and got a front row seat to how cutthroat New Yorkers are.
But she did meet one guy she kinda liked. They matched on Hinge and he was as cute and smart as her.
Pierre, 30. 5’11, and Triple F.
Footballer, Finance bro, FRENCH.
Dark hair, green eyes (the best combination).
An internationAL hottie.
(my best friend texted me this week saying something was ~criminAL, and said she thought of my pronuncia~tion when she said it.) Maybe the people that know me and hear my voice get it, but if you don’t, its:
in·ter·na·sha·NAAL /ˌɪn.tɚ.nəˈʃaˌnæl/
cri·mi·NAALLL /ˌkrɪ.mɪˈnælll/
pro·nun·ci·a·SHAAUN /prəˌnʌn.si.eɪˈʃɑːn/
Pls refer to the International Phonetic Alphabet if you are still unsure.
Anyway!
French-
Um… oui oui!
They met for drinks and she was immediately intoxicated by his French charms. Honestly that’s a lethal combination. A French accent and a finance f*ck boy personality. She’s a dead duck. So the date was going well, and he was all, “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”
Well, not really, but he was thinking it.
After their date, they went back to his place and… bow-chica-wow-wow’d…
And it was… magnifique.
As you would expect, he was a fantastic lover. Passionate, dominant, magnetic, generous, kinda freaky, great chemistry. Fireworks. What else do you expect from a Frenchman? I mean, he’s literally coming from the land of love. I’m not saying Americans are bad lovers, I’m just saying… Europeans just, have that… Je ne sais quoi (a certain something). I don’t know if it’s the accent, the sensuality that comes with long dinners, and 20 paid vacation days, but… it’s just something very sexy that I can’t quite put my finger on.
But they can.
Okay that was uncalled for.
Also, what that mouth do.
Alllllright, why do I have the humor of a 13 year old boy.
(Also, I luv how I’m only using the French words I’ve heard in songs or on TV, because I ~do not speak French.)
Oh! J’adore, Dior.
Ooookay I’m done.
So anyway, they have this amazing night together, are extremely “compatible” if ya know what I mean (wink wink), and just as she’s thinking “wow this night can’t get any better”….
He rolls over and goes to sleep.
……………………………………………………………………………………..
Ummmmmmmmm………………………………………………..?
No cuddling? No nothing?
Mari was confused. She stared at the ceiling wondering if she should gooo……? Or maybe he was just really tired?
I’m not saying everyone wants to cuddle the whole night long, but… after a great date and a fiery hook up… to just turn your back on someone still in your bed seems…. harsh? I don’t know, maybe that’s just me. I mean if you don’t want someone sleeping over at your place, of course it’s totally fine to establish that boundary, and like maybe offer them an uber or whatever, but like… not saying anything and just turning over and going to sleep is kind of weird, no?
Anyway, Mari was d*ckmatized and let it go. She was hooked, and they started seeing each other semi regularly. He would text her, she would go over. He would text her, she would go over. It might seem obvious considering that he wasn’t exactly wining and dining her, that he didn’t actually want to date her, but at the time, she was just happy he was thinking of her and texting.
I mean, I get it. I’ve been there. You should know better, but you don’t. You kind of turn a blind eye to every red flag. You’re blinded by ‘like’ and also delusional.
This reminds me a lot of the senior I used to hook up with as a freshman in college. I was totally infatuated with a guy that never asked me out, never spent any time with me between the hours of 10 am and 10 pm, and literally did not care if I lived or died.
But after 2 am it was always “Did you get home safely from the club?”, “How are you?”, “Are you okay, you ignored me tonight”
I had a flip phone my freshman year, so it took me like 5 minutes just to text back, “yea… im good. u?”
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
Oh my Goddd…. seems like a lifetime ago ahaha. Oh my God, it was 13 years ago (horrified look on my face realizing how quickly time is going). I was young and innocent (and stupid). But again, I get her. You like someone that doesn’t give you any respect or attention at all, and when they do, your dopamine receptors go off the charts. It’s addictive. You go back for more, because for a few hours, you feel special, and you actually enjoy yourself. And then bam- as soon as it’s over, you’re back at square 1, waiting and hoping they text you again.
Honestly, at least my senior crush cuddled with me after (the bar is in hell lol). Which probably only confused me even more. AND asked me to spend the night any time I went over. Which definitely confused me more. (I lived in the same dorm I could have literally walked down two flights of stairs lol). But whatever, I’m not mad- looking back, we were just 2 idiots that didn’t have our prefrontal cortex fully developed yet.
And I learned a very, very, veryyyyyy valuable lesson.
Just because someone spends some time with you, it does NOT mean they like you. (read that twice).
Anyway, I didn’t have this all figured out after my Freshman year lol. I still did many dumb things and learned many lessons throughout college and after. But, I will say, I at least started recognizing these patterns and started thinking about it. I slowly (very slowly) got wiser, and knew what to look out for in the future.
But like I said, Mari was a “good girl” in college, and she didn’t cross paths with f*ck boys until she got to New York…
She went from like little league baseball to the MLB. No training, no prep, just got thrown in to the big leagues, the most brutal dating market out there.
So Mari and Pierre kept on seeing each other for about 3 months. And every time… the same thing. She would go over, they would hook up… and he would roll over and go to sleep.
One day Mari asked Pierre, “Do you just like, not like cuddling?”
Pierre: “What do you mean?”
Mari: ”You always… just roll over”
Pierre: “Yeah, no I do like cuddling, it’s just… that’s something for serious relationships”
Ooooo.. ouch.
And that’s when Mari realized… oh no, false alarm- she didn’t realize anything yet. Mari did not see the red flag. Mari was temporarily color blind.
(back at the restaurant)
All the girls: MARI HWHATTT?? WHAT!!?
Me: Seriously Mari!???? How?! … How did you not realize
And honestly, bless her for laughing at herself while telling us this story.
“I thought maybe since we were just dating and not in a serious relationship yet that’s what he meant” (laughing)
Yall… all of the girls around this table were just shaking our heads in disbelief (while laughing). But you know what, like I said, I’ve been there. And pretty much every woman I know has been there at some point or another. We all look back and think “what the hell was I thinking.”
Near the end of these three months, Mari had talked to some of her nyc girlfriends about her dating situation. And one friend, a real one, delicately suggested to her that… she might be a booty call.
“What?? A booty call? no. Noo. I’m definitely not a booty call. We’re just seeing each other and getting to know each other.”
“But he only ever sees you at night…”
“No I reallly don’t think I’m a booty call.”
… Suuuuuuuureeee Jaaaaan.
The delulu was strong. I mean, I always say you can’t tell someone something they’re not ready to hear, and she was clearly not ready to hear that.
I mean she wasn’t ready to hear from Pierre himself that he did not consider this a serious relationship, so if that didn’t do it… I don’t think her friend was gonna miraculously make her see the light.
I don’t think I could have gotten through to her any better if she came to me at the time. The realization really has to come from you.
BUT, there are some tools to help you.
I promise, I will write an episode called, “He’s just not that into you,” and give you the KEY things to look out for in the 3 main stages of relationships. Interest, Commitment, and Investment, as theorized by moi. (omg more French, I didn’t even think I had it in me).
But for now, let me get one very important point across. If you ever find yourself confused, (first of all, if you’re confused, that’s already your answer bc the guy that actually wants you will never make you feel confused), BUT- if you are so deep in your confusion, pls refer to this checklist. It’s the only one you’ll ever need. We overcomplicate everything. And I have found these two variables to be the most important in determining if someone is actually interested in you or not.
Does he consistently communicate with you? (Not spotty one week yes, one week no)
Yes
No
Does he actively make plans to see you (for DATES- *hookups do not count)
Yes
No
If you’ve selected no to even one of those two- my darling, he’s just not that into you.
And that’s OKAY. We really can’t villainize everyone that doesn’t like us. There are plenty of people we don’t like. So it’s fine. But people are gonna take what they can get, for as long as they can get it. It’s really up to you to determine who gets access to you.
Like I said… you’re gonna learn the lesson one way or another. And Mari was gonna have to live and learn this one.
One night, they were texting about their evening plans.
Pierre: I’m going to a party tonight, it’s at my friend’s friend’s place so I can’t bring anyone. Want to meet up after?
That was the moment Mari should have known. But she didn’t. Not yet.
Mari: That’s okay, I think I’m staying home tonight.
Pierre: Okay, you sure?
Mari: Yeah, I’m pretty tired. Have a good time at your party!
I mean first of all, that’s bullshit. Like either ask if you can bring someone, or don’t bring it up at all. Such a shitty, weird thing to do to make someone feel unincluded. A few hours later, he texted again.
Pierre: Hey do you wanna come to this party? I asked if you could come and they said it was fine
Are you shitting me !?? So he didn’t even ASK beforehand. And now as an afterthought, assuming there were no other girls there he was interested in, he threw her an invite?? Yeahhh… helllllnoo.
Mari: It’s kind of short notice. If I had known earlier I would have gotten ready but, it’s pretty late, so I’ll pass tonight. Thanks though!
He went back and forth with her, begging her to come join him at this party.
What the f*ck. Where was all this effort before?
Pierre: Okay, I’m gonna leave soon anyway. You sure you don’t wanna come over? I’ll split an uber with you.
*eye twitch
… Split an uber????? SPLIT. AN. UBER!!????
ALKJSDAKLSJDFHAKJSDFH;ALSKDJ;ALSDLKSDKHFAKJ
I’m crashing out and it’s not even happening to me.
This MUTHERF*CKER, didn’t even invite her beforehand, didn’t consider her, is inviting her over LITERALLY just to hook up, and WANTS TO SPLIT an uber……………….
Listen, I’m not perfect, but if a situationship wants me to come to them, they are literally buying my flight.
I’m sorry- he is asking YOU, in the middle of the night, to go over to his place, and wants YOU to pay for it???? That’s like getting invited to a wedding and then being asked to pay for the wedding. Like what the f*ck!? You invited me?
I guess this was the wakeup call that she needed.
It finally dawned on her.
“Am I… a booty call?”
It took a while to get there, but she got there! On her own. And I was so happy to hear it.
She texted him back- not angry, just seeking some clarity.
Mari: Am I a booty call?
Pierre: Uh, what? No, maybe we should talk more tomorrow about this
Don’t let him off that easy Mari.
Mari: No, I just want to know what this is for you. Am I just a booty call?
Pierre: You’re not a booty call.. you’re more than that. We’re just not in a relationship either
aiii….
She stared at her phone. She knew the answer. She knew. But knowing and accepting are two different things.
For a second, she thought about texting a friend for validation. Maybe she was overthinking. Maybe she was being too harsh. Maybe-
No- No maybes.
She scrolled through their texts. No plans. No dates. No effort. Just late night check-ins.
Finally… a breakthrough, a revelation, an ah-ha moment.
It was glaringly obvious… She was a booty call.
Mari had a choice to make. She could keep accepting the bare minimum. Well, actually, we can’t even call it that, because there was really no effort whatsoever. Or she could finally cut off this leech ass bitch wasting her time accept that she deserved more, cut him off, and just move on.
Mari: Okay, listen I don’t think we should keep seeing each other
Pierre: Why?
Because she doesn’t wanna keep being a booty call you dumb f*ck.
She put her phone down, took a deep breath, and never spoke to him again.
Not bitter. Not heartbroken. Just done.
The fog had cleared, and she could finally see the situation for what it was.
And damn, did it feel good.
We all cheered. Our girl Mari had come out of this stronger, wiser, and with a newfound self-respect.
She had finally learned the hard truth: just because someone spends time with you, it doesn’t mean they actually like you. Chasing that dopamine hit, hoping for something more from someone who’s just not that into you?
It’s like a dog chasing its own tail- An endless, exhausting cycle… and always, always, just out of reach.
We can’t control who likes us or wants us, but we can control who has access to us. So choose wisely. And if you’re still confused- go through the checklist again.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
1) Just because someone spends time with you, it does NOT mean they like you. Booty Call Syndrome (BCS) thrives on false hope. Just because someone texts you, hooks up with you, or spends some time with you, it doesn’t mean they actually value you or like you. It’s not about villainizing them- it’s about setting your own standards and walking away when someone isn’t meeting them. Remember, you to decide who gets access to you!
2) If you’re confused, you already have your answer. A guy who’s actually into you will make it clear through consistent effort and intentional plans- not just late night texts. If you’re questioning what you are to him, run through the checklist:
✔ Does he consistently communicate with you? Yes or No
✔ Does he actively make plans to see you (dates not just hookups)? Yes or No
If the answer is no to either of them, my darling, he’s just not that into you.
