*Karl, 45- Part 2: Ghosted
Pros:
Smart
Charming
Impressive Job
Gentleman
Fun
Tall
Handsome in a weird way
Cons:
Ghosted me
Well Guys….
I’m gonna do something a bit different this time. This blog isn’t about Karl. It’s about me.
Don’t worry, you’ll eventually get Karl: Part 1 (and it’s a great story).
The story of the Targaryen looking Danish guy I met in Barcelona that was on a mission to win me over.
Fun was had, promises were made…. and then poof…. ghosted.
(Like I’ve said before, I’m really old enough and wise enough not to believe in every promise a guy makes)
But still, it’s frustrating.
So what I realized is that… I try in my general life, to not to speak when I’m angry, respond when I’m angry, make decisions when I’m angry, etc etc. I think I’ve told you guys that I’ve been working on practicing my Buddhism in the past year…. and I want to be calm, unbothered, and at peace. I want to detach from things that don’t serve me, and people that don’t serve me. And to me, that’s anything and anyone that’s robbing me of my peace. A shirt that I don’t wear that’s taking up space and cluttering my closet… hence, cluttering my vision and mind… #MarieKondo that sh*t. If it doesn’t spark joy, LET THAT SHIT GO. Marie Kondo your life!!!
Okay, so, a bit of a tangent… but honestly, this entire blog is going to be a tangent.
So this is the way I think, this is the way I process things, and this is the lens in which I write this blog. I’ve told you guys I write these stories months after they happen. It gives me time process wtf happened, filter through my own emotions, and come up with a lesson (or key take away), for myself and for you.
The only problem is, I realized it looks like I never really get angry, or sad, or frustrated, or disappointed. Or even if I share with you that I was disappointed, it’s like “I was bummed”…. but no, in the moment I was probably really f*cking sad. And while I generally don’t stay down long, I’ve gotten faster at getting over things, and I genuinely do try to find the silver lining in almost everything…. I’m also only human, and I get pissed the fck off too.
It’s the real, raw, anger, sadness, doubt, hurt, disappointment, frustration, that kinds of bonds everyone in the shared experience of dating. I don’t know one person who hasn’t felt those things at some point. And I wanna make it clear that I never want to seem like I don’t feel those things intensely… I just don’t write when I’m upset so… the intensity of those feelings naturally lighten with time.
Soooo, so so so …..
I’m gonna share with you guys the texts that I sent to my friends when I was PISSED. I was annoyed as f*ck.
This guy was blowing up my phone for three weeks straight, promising to plan a trip to see me, bla bla, I mean just saying everything a girl wants to hear…. and then…
poof.
So i’m letting you in on my very real texts when I just needed to vent to my friends.
Is it kind of embarrassing? Yes haha. But… I think we’ve all been there. (Plus, i’m still pretty funny even when i’m mad).
It’s a direct copy/paste from whatsapp and it’s definitely a full on tangent so, strap in and get ready for the ride…
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: i just need to be pissed for a day and then i’ll get over it bc it’s not even worth ruining my peace
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: like literally all these guys chase you, ask to see you, say all this shit that you 1) didn’t ask for 2) didn’t expect 3) didn’t even want in the first place then fucking GHOST
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: literally ain’t no fuxking way. it’s giving mental issues
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: like the last message he sent was “lugano looks amazing, please invite 😘” ARE THESE GUYS OKAY????
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: from texting every day twice a day for 3 weeks straight to radio silence for a week
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: anyway i blocked bc i’m not waiting on a fuxking man that fumbled
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: if you sleep on me stay asleep !! goodbye !!!!!
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: and i hate that i’m pissed bc i spent such a nice weekend with my parents in the most beautiful place on earth
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: blessed with good friends… no, AMAZING friends, at home, here, literally all over the world
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: i’m annoyed that a fuxking 45 year old LOSER is rocking my peace
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: like i hate that this little piece off the pie is ruining my pie and ruining my mood
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: a part of me is like, am i the common denominator?? am i doing something wrong here. and then i’m like no i literally didn’t do anything
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: they chase, they promise
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: they fucking lie
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: and then like naturally i like them back and that’s it
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: done
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: EVERY SINGLE FUXKING TIME
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: does literally no one mean what they say
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: like my problem is that i expect people to be genuine bc i am and literally no one is fucking genuine !!!!
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: i try SO hard not to be a jaded person
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: i mean you would just think people say what they mean. And mean what they say
[18:08, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: i just think that’s like basic shit but it’s really not for most people
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: or just say nothing at all jesus
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: i didn’t ask for you to text me every single day
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: I am delulu but im not taking responsibility for someone else being fucking delulu too
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Forwarded (Karl): Sounds fantastic. I just need to see when I got to go to [location] and sign that bloody contract🤯 As soon as I know that I will plan after it.
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Forwarded (Karl): Yes… like a real celebration! I cannot remember wanting anything like I want this…. Just saying 😘
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Forwarded (Karl): Morning. How was last night? Did you enjoy palma? looked at your picture 100 times….. 😘
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Forwarded (Karl): Ahh to bad. It sounds like you kind of missed some of the great things on the islands. That can perhaps be my job one day?
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Forwarded (Karl): I cannot stop thinking of your smell and your amazing body….. but most of all how fun you were to be with.
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Forwarded (Karl): Feel the same way…. I’m getting crazy. Weeks could become at least a month depending on [location]…. But I’ll fight for it, that’s a promise
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Forwarded (Karl): Yes… I know, it takes too long before we see each other again. First I have [location] and then [location]… hate it. But it will happen.
[18:09, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: i mean !!!!! be fucking forreal, i know i’m delulu but like this is blatant false advertising
[18:10, 25/09/2023] Nayomi: 😤
I cannot remember wanting anything like I want this??????????????????????
That can perhaps be my job one day??????????????
Genuinely, are men okay? LOL.
Anyway, I just wanted to show you guys that yeah.. I also get pissed.
BUT!
I will say, I’m also super proud of myself. I gave myself a mental deadline where if he didn’t come up with a solid plan to see me by last Monday, (even if he was still texting me), then for me it’s was done. Instead of letting someone string me along, I took control over the situation and blocked.
Blockidy- block- block! BOOP!
I’ve gotten real trigger happy with the block button.
I mean, I know I can’t trust what guys say. Words are just words. We can say, fine- trust actions not words. But in my experience, I haven’t been able to trust actions either. I’ve had guys buy me flights, rent out beach front villas, tell their family about me, send airpod pros to my doorstep since my hand was always covering the mic (those are still the airpods I use ‘till this day so thaaaankssss). And the thing is… I never asked for any of it. (Not about Jamie btw, he’s chill and never overpromised anything). This isn’t a flex… it’s just a what the f*ck. Because the second it got serious… cold feet.
I didn’t even always get ghosted. Sometimes it was just a slow, slowww fizzle….. and eventually I had to end it.
So what can you trust?
If you can’t trust words and you can’t trust actions?
Consistency.
Trust consistency. I don’t ever want to be a jaded person. I don’t want to be jaded when I eventually do meet my person, when I gave all these other (f*ck)boys before him the benefit of doubt. So… I say, enjoy the moment… but… errrrbody on a 6 month probation. You’re obsessed with me? (Why wouldn’t you be :P). Let’s see if you have the same energy in 6 months.
The good thing is, with some experience, I’ve gotten so much better at not waiting on someone to let me know how they feel about me. I think first about how I feel about them. Do I even wanna talk to someone that keeps me waiting? And I’ve gotten a lot faster at making these decisions too.
The truth is, if they liked you enough, truly…. they wouldn’t make you wait.
And I think the coolest thing you can do is- not be angry, just block and move on.
Because- yes… in that moment I was frustrated and annoyed. But as much as I was annoyed that he “made me wait”, I was more annoyed at myself for waiting. I’m pretty big on self accountability. So I don’t love to hear my fellow girls say “he made me wait” “he lead me on” “he’s giving mixed messages”. If he likes you, you’ll know, if you’re confused, he doesn’t.
*So it is really, really, REALLY up to us to not entertain guys that aren’t giving what they need to give. I think it’s really up to us to walk away from situations that don’t serve us and don’t bring us peace. But….. yeah, feel your feelings. I’m not saying don’t get angry, just don’t stay angry. I’m not angry at any of these guys. I personally think they just get overexcited… over promise, and just can’t deliver. And as my friend Jenn says, guys do this all the time, and there’s literally no rhyme or reason. So don’t do mental gymnastics trying to find a reason. It is literally not worth stressing about. I want to be as cool as a freaking cucumber. If they already wasted my time, you think I want them to waste more of my mental space? Darling that’s expensive real estate!
And I don’t block to be dramatic. I block so there’s not even a tiny part of my brain, hoping, or waiting for them to text me. Just block and move on. Block and move on, block and move on, block and move on!
I told you guys from the beginning that this was gonna be a tangent, but I’ll tell you what I did on the day that I was mad before I tell you the cool thing that happened after.
I vented to my friends. I was sad, mad, I wanted to feel heard. I listened to a ton of Lizzo and Beyoncé, specifically “Truth Hurts” and “Sorry”. And I just said f*ck him.
I swear the next day I wasn’t even mad about it. I wasn’t waiting so I wasn’t mad. I barely even thought about it, and when I did, I was just surprised how unfazed I was. But this was mostly because I had already given myself a mental deadline, so I had already mostly accepted it.
And the cool part…. It was a Monday when I blocked him. By Tuesday I was pretty over it. Wednesday I cared even less. On Thursday, my crush asked me out. And on Friday, I went on a date.
I’m pretty convinced that the universe will bring you more blessings if you just make space for them.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
1) It’s okay to get mad, just don’t stay mad. It’s literally not worth ruining your peace.
2) If someone is wasting your time, block and move on, without being bitter
3) Trust consistency, not words or actions
4) If he likes you, you’ll know, if you’re confused, he doesn’t
5) Better things will come if you make space for them
