*Dante, 35- Intergalactic P***y
Pros:
Hot
Tall
Brunette
Hot
Tall
Brunette
40% of the time enjoyable to be around
Cons:
Not a gentleman
Condescending
Kinda cold
Not much substance
Alright Dollies…. you voted….
45% of you wanted this to be the next blog so… gotta give the people what they want.
So-
Let me start off by saying… I don’t really condone this behavior. And by this behavior, I mean my behavior.
The thing is…. I was horny touch starved. I had been in Switzerland for 2 months and had come across zero interesting people. I feel like we as a society are like “men have needs” blablabla, but HELLO, women do too!! And usually, I’ll speak for myself, it’s manageable. But every so often… (I’ll blame the hormones), it makes you f*cking crazy. And when I’m in that ~mood…. Listen… I don’t know her, I don’t align with her values, and I definitely don’t agree with her choice in men. All rational decision making goes out the window.
Okay so now that I’ve made that disclaimer, let me tell you about this guy. We’re going back to my roots here because it was actually a guy that I met on an app! I know can you believe it!? So it was March 22nd, my friend Tiffany’s birthday, and if you’ve been paying attention, you know that 22 is my lucky number. Anyway, a bunch of friends were over at Tiffany’s house doing a casual bday hang. The girls were asking me about my dates, and I told them that there were no dates. Times were tough. I sat there swiping left, left, left. And then… by the grace of God…
Oh
Are the heavens blessing me?? On my lucky day?
Ready for the good old profile run down?
First pic: gym selfie.
Normally, I’d hate. But it wasn’t too try hard and he looked soooooo fit, so I was into it.
Age: 35
Luv it. 34, 35, 36, 37, 38… That’s the sweet spot. DEEEE-LICOUS!
Height: 6’3 (192 cm)
Do I even ned to say it.
Job: Wealth Manager
Ooo… Bling-bling, ching-ching, baby
Second pic: Candid smiling picture
adfajdfadhfkdhfskdjdadkhf………………wowww the smile… the the brown hair, the brown eyes, the olive skin. He looked like a young Orlando Bloom.
Prompt: I get way too excited about: the simple things in life
Me too Dante, me too.
Third pic: Fun in the sun lake pic
Loves the outdoors, hottie with a body, check, check.
Prompt: (okay this one I’m paraphrasing bc I went back to his profile to check and he’s changed it so I have to do it from memory, but it was something like) Something I hate: Closed minded people who aren’t open to other opinions.
Mmm.. Okay. Same but I probably wouldn’t have put that on a dating app. But sure. Perhaps something to dive into on a date lol.
Okay overall, he’s looking good! Smart, hot, cool, checks all the boxes on paper.
It was bumble so I had to message first.
Me: Ciaoo (waving hand emoji)
D: Hey there
D: Nice to met ya
D: How’s it going?
Me: Fine! Just having a small dinner for a friends birthday. What about you
D: Out here at a cultural center called la straordinaria, listening to live debates, watching indie docus n enjoying the good vibes (sparkle emoji)
D: Oh nice, hope yall are enjoying
Live debates? Indie docuuuuus??…. Is he alternative and smart or annoying and annoying? Too early to tell.
We chatted a bit and I found out that he’s half Peruvian and half Swiss. He actually spent this childhood in Peru, then moved to Lugano, then Geneva, and now has been in Zurich for 8 years. His parents are still in Lugano so he visits often.
Me: Gosh you’ve jumped around more than me. Might have to explain it to me better over drinks :P
D: Haha would love to. Sadly I’m leaving tomorrow evening tho :/ will be back soon tho
Me: Shame
Me: Well if you’re back [gave him my number]
D: Alrighty then. Challenge accepted
D: Let’s hope you’re still around when I’m back :)
Me: Haha I’m not holding my breath.
Me: but you have my number (smug face emoji)
D: Atta girl… loving your attitude ;)
LOL did you see my technique there? It’s called putting the ball in their court. Then it’s completely up to them. If they actually want to see you, they will. I’m actually laughing at myself for being so eager to see him and then saying iM nOt HoLdInG mY BrEaTh (Spongebob meme).
Well he texted me that night and we kept talking. And he texted me again the next morning. And at lunch.
Honestly over text he was really sweet. Super engaged, warm, flirty and nice.
D: Hey, hope your day’s going alright. Still here, the weather is good here I don’t wanna leave just yet (giggle emoji, nervous emoji)
Me: Ciao caro! Haha I know it’s amazingg, just got back from my lunch break and didn’t wanna go back inside
D: Ciao :)
Me: The sun was giving me life (sun emoji sun emoji sun emoji)
D: Yes indeed enjoying the sun as we speak hehe
Me: Jealous ;) But happy for you. at least one of us gets to enjoy it
D: Haha I’ll enjoy it for ya (heart hands)
D: Wanna make the most of it so I just might stick around a little longer let’s see
Well, well, well……
Me: Mmmmmhhmmmm…. sure there’s no other reason??
D: There might just be another reason ;)
WELL WELL WELL
Me: Well I have a huge meeting at 5 today and could use a drink after work if you’re still around. No worries if not
D: Good luck with your meeting, go kick some corporate butt (fire emoji)
Me: Thanks I need it (prayer hands)
D: I’m sure it’ll be just fine, keeping my fingers crossed for ya (four leaf clover emoji, sparkle emoji)
Honestly I’m kinda shocked reading these texts back bc they are so normal and nice and he was kind of a massive prick in person.
D: When do you rekon you’ll be free for that drink?
Me: I think any time after 6!
D: Okay okay (star eyes emoji) That’s doable, don’t wanna arrive too late to Zurich. Could take the train back around 8-9ish in that case
Spoiler: He didn’t take the train back at 8 or 9
He texted me again an hour later.
D: hey rooting for ya and your big meeting. I’ll be around the city around 6ish. Looking forward to meeting, all the best (fire emoji, heart hands)
I was thinking this guy is sooooo sweet. I thought that was such a cute and thoughtful message.
My meeting finished late, but he was super chill about it. We met at this cute little snack bar in the city center.
He was sitting outside and as I got closer (my vision kind of sucks) I saw him stand up and walk over to me.
Holy f*ck he’s hot. Even better in person. Tall, slim-fit brunettes are just my typeeeeeeee.
He hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
D: Nice to meet you. Is it okay if we sit here or do you wanna move?
He was sitting at this little circular table outside. It was totally fine for me.
So we sit down and……
it’s F*CKING AWKWARD. There’s like ZERO chemistry.
I am so confused. Like I love, loveee studying body language, reading about it, watching videos… it’s just something I’m really into. But you don’t have to be a body language expert to know that he was being ice cold. So the chairs were like kind of next to each other, and I had mine angled slightly towards him, leg crossed, facing him (like a normal person). And he was facing completely forward, legs straight out, ARMS CROSSED.
?????
Ex-cuuuuse?
I was literally like… does this guy not like me? Which is fine but I feel like you can just be normal on a date and then just not see the person again. I feel like it’s weird to just sit there and be so cold. Anyway, I was getting a weird vibe. We were talking but it wasn’t exactly flowing. And he would say the most cryptic sh*t.
I asked him about his prompt about hating people that are closed minded. I’m like, “was that about anything in specific?”
D: Just in general, people are set in their thinking. They aren’t open to other things
Me: Like what?
D: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you
Me: Try me ;)
D: You wouldn’t get it…
B*tch wtf -_-
I asked him what he liked to do for fun. He started talking about how he likes to watch things that fly in the sky… but was super vague about it.
Me: What are you talking about? Planes? Helicopters? ….Drones?
He slightly shook his head. (he was already annoying me at this point but, damn, good looking people get away with a lot. Life is not fair)
Me: Hot air balloons?
D: You know there’s other things that fly right?
Ew that was kinda condescending
Me: Birds?…Okay well I’m done guessing, whatever
Anyway, I’m thinking this date is like a total trainwreck. Where was the sweet, warm guy that was texting me?? He was giving human icicle. I was assuming he was waiting for the date to be over as much as I was. Probably more.
Towards the end of the date we talked about how much Lugano has changed since he left 8 years ago. I was telling him how it’s even improved in the 3 years since I left, and it’s way more fun now.
Me: You just need to know where to go
D: Should we go get a drink somewhere else? You can show me one of your cool new Lugano places
Huh!? Another drink? As in keep this date going?
Me: Don’t you have a train to catch?
D: I can catch a later one…
Idk what I was thinking… maybe a change of scenery would change his weird ass personality… but I said yes.
We got the check and he paid.
He joked, “next rounds on you.”
Lol…. sure………….
So I took him to this trendy place called La Dispensa. Average food, decent cocktails, good ambiance. It was packed so they sat us at the only free seats which were awkwardly by the bathrooms. There was a nook by the window with a few stools. Honestly, within a matter of seconds he was pulling my stool closer to his. He was fully facing me (face, chest, knees all directed towards me). I mean it was a complete 180. The change of scenery did change his personality.
D: Wow, you are gorgeous
??????????
Does this guy have split personality disorder
Me: Oh thanks… honestly I wasn’t too sure if you even wanted to be there earlier…
D: Why would you think that
WHY WOULDNT I THINK THAT??
Me: mmm probably your closed off body language, and your weird vague answers
D: (laughing) No, I was just freezing, I’m really happy I’m here with you
We ordered some drinks, and lemme tell you, this date got soooooo much better (for a while). We were talking up a storm…it got so flirty, touchy, and generally fun.
D: You’re like f*cking my mind right now
Me: what!??
D: You’re f*cking my mind right now. That’s rare.. it’s so sexy..
(lol guys are so full of it, but thx).
Me: I’m just matching your energy
The guy literally looked like he was about to pass out.
D: You just made my head spin
Idk, maybe all the blood in his head was heading down south and actually made him a bit light headed.
He rolled up a cigarette and asked me if I wanted to come outside with him. By this point we were like vibing and there was just a lot of tension and chemistry. There were a bunch of people outside but I wasn’t really paying attention to them. I was just happy the date was going better. All the seats were taken so we just stood on the sidewalk.
D: Look at how everyone looks at you… lucky me
Me: Lucky you…
D: You must get everything you want
Me: I do…
(Guys are you feeling the tension right now?…. Also, I was just being flirty seductive, I don’t actually get everyything I want. Just most things :P)
D: You know how there were hunters and gatherers?
Me: Mmhhmm
D: You wouldn’t be either… you’d be the dictator that gets everyone to do it for you
ahahha… oooo stroke my Capricorn ego
Me: Of coursee, (joking) work smarter not harder
That’s when he leaned in and kissed me…………. uuuuuffffff…… sooooooo hooooooot. I thought, damn this date really turned around.
The kiss was phenomenal. It was was a full on make out. Loved it.
We spent a few more hours at the bar. Every once in a while we’d go out for a cigarette, and as the place slowly emptied we got a seat outside. It was kind of chilly so he had his arm around me an we talked, and talked, and talked, and kissed, and kissed, and kissed some more. All the coldness from before was gone. Like I was really enjoying these few hours.
Me: Okay, so do you wanna tell me what the hell you were talking about before? ‘Cus you were so weird and vauge about it. What do you like watching in the sky so much
D: You won’t believe me, but I’ve seen aliens before. Well, I’ve seen UFO’s. Where I’m from in Peru, we see them a lot, I’m not the only one.
Me: I don’t think it’s that crazy. I’m obsessed with space, the universe, infinity… I think it’s silly to think we’re the only things that exist when we’re not even a sand grain.
I asked him what it was like, and he explained it as lights that jump around super fast, faster than humanly possible, but time slows down for you. He said everything slows down and you can feel them. Honestly, when I saw those Mexican scientists reveal those two little aliens that were recovered from Peru, I thought holyyyyy f****ckkkkkk, the guy was right.
Anyway, my friend Kevin texted me and told me he was at one of our favorite restaurants getting drinks if I wanted to join. I was in a a great mood and more than happy to keep the night going. I asked Dante if he wanted to come with me or if he had to head home. He had already missed the last train back to Zurich so he had to stay in Lugano anyway..
He said he was happy to come see another one of my cool Lugano spots.
Then he asked if I wanted to get the check.
But he didn’t say like, “Let’s get the check.” It was very much a YOU.
Me: … (nervous laugher)… Sorry I couldn’t really tell if you were joking earlier
D: No, this rounds on you
[RECORD SCRATCH]
[FREEZE FRAME]
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….
What the f*ck?
Uhhh… neverrr, never ever ever, has this happened to me before. I was literally in a state of shock.
Never in my lifeeee has a guy asked me to split or pay on a first date. Or even a second date or a third date, or actually ever. Honestly even my guy FRIENDS treat me a lot. Okay I know it’s 2023 and people have different opinions on this, which are all fine, but it had just never happened to me before. I was actually pretty offended, but after having a fabulous Q&A with my readers, I have since- well I haven’t changed my opinion, but I can get where other people are coming from. And there are people all across the board. From women who feel really uncomfortable with men paying, to people who think whoever invites should pay (guy or girl), to everything should be split 50/50, to guy should pay the first date, to guy should pay everything, always…. There wasn’t one “right” answer. I love treating people I care about, (friends, family, romantic relationships), … but … I like a courting period. To some people that’s really outdated. Ultimately it comes down to a lot of things, culture just being one of them. And well… I guess the only real thing I have to say about it, is to find someone whose dating style matches your own. I don’t think you’ll change anyone else’s mind and I don’t think they’ll change yours. Anyway, I did a deep dive on this, which you can find in my story highlights (@naydaydotorg). Yes I know I only have 2 highlights, I’m really still figuring out how to go about this insta page.
N-E- wayyyyyyyy…
Whatever, if he just asked nicely I probably still wouldn’t have loved it, but I wouldn’t have thought he was such a d*ck.
But instead, he was soooooo f*cking rude.
D: What? Just because you’re hot you’re so used to getting what you want? No, not how it works here. Welcome to Switzerland.
Ummmmm…
what. lol.
Omg it was like a zinger out of nowhere! Like after being so warm, he turned into an icicle again, and the icicle was a sharp pain in my ass. First of all- how dare you! (-Kelly Kapoor). Second of all, it has nothing to do with me thinking I’m owed anything based on how I look (there are way hotter people in this world), I just thought it was the gentlemanly thing to do. Third of all, weren’t you just complimenting me on being socially savvy??? Pick a side! And lastly, if you think I’m spoiled, take it up with my dad, not with me! Why would I downgrade from the way I’ve been treated my entire life by the most important man in my life?? Riddle me that?!
I was internally seething, but you can’t let these guys see you sweat. So I just smirked and said “I’ve lived in Switzerland for 6 years. I don’t think it’s a Swiss thing, I think it’s a you thing. But sure, fine.”
D: I got the last round, why are you mad
Me: I’m not
(I was)
D: Okay here, wanna split it?
Me: nononono… I got it. You got the last round ;)
Was I the one being condescending now? Yeah, a bit. But I did say I was matching his energy.
I mean, besides the gender roles blabla, he was also 7 years older than me. I just feel like…………………………………………………………………. Idk bro, you can afford a few cocktails. I’m sure some of you reading probably think I’m in the wrong here, and that it shouldn’t be an expectation. And I know others think I’m in the right (@my Arab readers… I’m just imaging Zahira’s face lol). Like I said before, you can all have your opinion, it just never happened to me before and I thought it was weird.
Anyway, I have to be honest, I had already boxed him in my head as someone I would never actually date. Looks really are not everything. I can’t date someone who’s hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold. And clearly this difference in values and dating styles solidified that. But… is it bad that… I was kinda like, I’ve already been making out with him all night, I might as well just keep having fun… for myself. This is where I’m gonna blame the hormones because if I was thinking normally, I would dip out on a rude guy so fast. I wouldn’t even want to give them the satisfaction of hanging out with me. But… I was on some other sh*t that night. And you know what, guys do it all the time. They will box a girl as “good enough *for TONIGHT”.
So whatever- we actually met up with Kevin at Vitti and got drinks. As soon as he went to the bathroom I was like “Kevin! Am I the asshole? He made me split drinks with him… is that normal? I’ve been out of the dating game for a while, but I thought that was really rude. None of my other dates have done that.”
He told me that it really depends, and that he pays for first dates but it’s not that uncommon to split.
This was news to me.
Well okay… anyway, Kevin and I debriefed while Dante was still in the bathroom. He’s one of my best friends in Lugano and he knows about the guys I’m talking to or seeing, but he also knows I don’t ever really bring guys around with me, especially in front of my friends.
Kevin: So do you like him?
Me: hellllll no lol
Kevin: word, say less
Ahahah guy friends are so funny because a girl friend would have followed up with a million questions.
Anyway, I was able to push aside my annoyance and just enjoy the moment. Actually, Dante for sure had some f*ckboy energy, and his prickly personality kind of added to his bad boy appeal. But I don’t wanna fuel the whole “bad boys always get the girl narrative” because, I truly like kind, smart, funny, sweet guys. And this guy didn’t really have any substance beyond being hot.
So anyway, we changed locations yet again to go dancing at Shaker, and I was livingggg. I was just having a lot of fun really. Funny enough, some people I know recognized Dante because they went to school with his younger brother. And in typical “too cool for you” big brother fashion, he looked like he couldn’t give a sh*t less.
Whatever, I danced the night away with friends and had fun DFMO’s (dance floor make outs). Sometimes after kissing me he’d say “bumble surprise”.
So after a while, I was like, alrightttt I g2gggg. So we left the bar holding hands…. and if you wanna die… there was some construction on the road… and there was a metal plate on the ground (I assume covering a hole or something), and it was just a little elevated and uneven from the pavement, and…. idk how, but I stepped on it the wrong way and completely Lizzie McGuire level ate shi*t. Like fell all the way to the ground. Ahahahahahahahahha omg…
He was like “oh my God, are you okay??” and was very quick to pick me up. I told him I was fine (of course I was laughing about it), and he kind of shook his head while giggling and put his arm around me. I mean, he wasn’t always a prick, it just felt like I went on a date with 2 different people. It was kind of chilly so he gave me his jacket ... you know, normal human decency stuff.
I guess the night was ending better than it had started.
Me: So you didn’t make it back to Zurich
D: Nope.. looks like I’m here for the night..
(Well I wasn’t gonna invite him over… but..)
He kissed me and it was one of those melt into a puddle kisses. Also remember- hormonal and touch starved… that was me. And he looked like a 30-something Orlando Bloom like, I mean, COME ON. There was a certain bank with a courtyard (how Swiss), that offered some privacy for a fun make out sesh… and well, that make out sesh got very, very steamy. This is the part where you might judge me… but.. whatever. Well, the bank was obviously closed for business, but…
bling-bling, ching-ching, I wasn’t.
Idk if this is TMI, but I was wearing a dress so it wasn’t very difficult.
I mean, I can resume my daily mundane tasks of folding laundry and taking out my trash tomorrow… but right now, I’m gonna enjoy some spontaneity.
(#yolo looool. That was very millennial of me. I can feel my gen Z cousin cringing)
Whatever, it was hot, it was great, and it was fun.
Anyway… as we were getting ready to leave the courtyard, he wrapped one arm around me and pulled me into his chest. He towered over me so he kind of bent down and pressed his chin into the top of my head…
D: Intergalactic p***y
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
1) People have different values and dating styles (i.e. who pays for a date). Find someone who matches your style and don’t waste time trying to change anyone’s mind.
2) A lot of times with dating, we are so focused on the final destination, aka finding our person, but… remember, you can (and should) also enjoy the journey. Detours and all.
