*Stefano, 35- The Freak
Pros:
Assertive
Cons:
Everything else
Weird
Vulgar
Crude
Clueless
Hello Dahhhlingss….
Well I have good news and bad news. Which one should I start with?
I feel like I’m a bad news first kinda person. Then you get to end with the good news. Ya feel?
Okay the bad news…
The last few months of dating….. were… not great. Since moving back to Switzerland, there have been SLIMMM pickin’s my friends. Slim. Out of pure boredom and jetlag I would swipe through the apps to see what was out there… and I was astonished by the concentration of unattractive people. Uuf…. And the personalities weren’t exactly blowing me away either.
The good news, is that things are going much better now…
I have a few…. prospects. Too early to tell how any of them will turn out, but… I can say I’m having fun and I’m being treated really well… so… love that for me! But jokes aside, in the last few moths I’ve had more than a few moments of single person frustration (in more ways than one). Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about “enjoying the journey” and whatnot. But…. I’d be lying if I said I never had moments where I wondered where the F*CK my person is!!!! Or like, even just wondering if and when I would get excited about someone again. But like really excited, not just a delulu crush to make the time pass. Anyway, I’ll get into that another time, in another blog. Because even if I don’t feel that way 95% of the time, I also have off days, and hormonal days, and lonely days, and sulky days… and I think we all do. Whatever, I guess it’s only fair that after two back to back hotties (Boston’s Chase Stokes lookalike and summer ‘22 vacation fling) life had to humble me a bit with a solid 7 months of underwhelming dating. But don’t worry, it wasn’t all boring ;)
Okay- time for the story of my first date since moving back. And honestly, it wasn’t even a date I wanted to go on.
So it was early February, and I had just moved to Switzerland like 2 weeks before. One of my best friends here invited me to a birthday party of one of her friends at a wine bar. It was more of a chill gathering than a party, but it was nice to meet some new people, especially since a lot of my friends I knew from school moved away. So since Valentines day was approaching, a lot of restaurants had those little heart shaped chocolates they would give out. So when my friend and I ask for our check, the manager came over and was joking around with us, holding the chocolates and goes
“Do you have a boyfriend?….”
I very playfully, jokingly, said “no, you know anyone good ?? :P”
This is as we were paying and leaving, so he was like running my credit card.
Then he goes, “in that case can you sign here” (pointing at the receipt), “and can I get your number here?” (pointing to the back of the receipt)
Oops.
I REALLY, absolutely, honestly, truly, thought it was just fun banter. I didn’t really find him attractive. And normally, I’m SO picky on who I agree to go on a date with. But he kinda caught me off guard, and I also felt a little bad because it was in front of everyone. I was also still jetlagged so my brain wasn’t functioning properly!! I mean, I respected the courage and the assertiveness. I like when guys just go for it. Doesn’t mean I’ll always say yes, but, shoot your shot right.
I said sure without even thinking. As soon as I said it I was like, “what the f*ck… how do I get out of this.”
I was just hoping he’d never text me. My friend was looking at me so confused because she knows he’s not the kind of guy I would be into. He wasn’t horrible looking, he just had a beard that gave me the ick. It was scraggly and unkept. I think my standards are also just really high. I have plenty of girlfriends that like medium-ugly guys and… that’s just not me. I like hot-hot guys. Or medium-hot at minimum. With a great personality too. You may be thinking… Nay, do you think you’re so great that you can be so picky with guys? We’ll I’m not perfect but I’m a solid 8.5 and if I went to the gym I’d be a 9. But paired with my Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent, I pull some f*ucking gorgeous guys. (That was a Rupaul reference, need to give credit where it’s due). You don’t have to agree, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway. Whatever, point is, I didn’t find him very attractive, but what the hell, it’s one date, I can give the guy a chance.
(I really didn’t want to give the guy a chance.)
The day of the date I was just like, why am I being so nice? And why am I doing something I don’t want to do?? I should just write him and tell him I’m not interested in going on the date. But right before I could, he texted me saying how excited he was and that he was looking forward to it all week. Oh no, oh nonononono…. shi*t. Omg I felt way too bad to cancel last minute. F*ck it.
He was coming back from vacation in his Italian hometown that night and said we could meet at a pub for a drink. I think we all know by this point that I’m not really a pub person (not that there’s anything wrong with them, I just don’t personally love them). I really do try to keep an open mind and go into things positively but I think just a mix of the stress from moving, knowing I was still organizing my apartment and not really wanting to waste my time, just made me feel so resistant to this date. Plus my gut just had an off feeling about the whole thing. But clearly I need therapy for being a people pleasure because I didn’t want to disappoint this person that I owed absolutely nothing to. I called my friend Julia, the light of my life, (who casually flies to Switzerland twice a year and lives with me for a month each time), to come up with my escape plan. She was literally at the airport waiting for her flight, and we said if I really don’t want to be there, I’ll text her and she’ll call me saying she’s having a problem with her flight or something.
So I get to the pub literally at the same time as him, but I almost didn’t recognize him! He cut off that God awful scraggy beard. Wow I am really going in on this guy, and I don’t want to come off as an a**hole, but he really just ICKED ME OUT because of his PERSONALITY, so my entire recollection of him is judged harsher in my head. You’ll see- by the end of this story you’ll feel the same. So anyway, I get there the same time as him, didn’t recognize him, and he called out my name.
My first thought was that he looked 10 years younger without the beard. He almost looked good.
We sat down and I asked him about his vacation. We were sitting across from each other at the table.
…… That in itself should speak volumes.
The conversation was really fine… it was okay. At this point it was all perfectly acceptable although I wouldn’t say there were sparks flying or anything. We talked about the usual… work, travel… basic things. After a while he asked if I wanted to play darts. I said I was pretty tired but we could play one game. The darts portion of the date was actually kind of fun. I was horrible at it but it was fun to try anyway.
This is when things took a turn for the worse…
He kept staring at me while I played and would smile and tell me how beautiful I am blablabla. He said when he saw me walk into the wine bar he noticed me right away and I was exactly his type rarara.
I politely said “that’s nice, thanks” while avoiding eye contact and being laser focused on the little bullseye. I mean… get the hint.
While he was playing I just sat on a stool at the bar. He looked over at me (oh no), and in the most try-hard way walked over to me and tried to lean in and kiss me….
I literally extended my arms and placed them on his shoulders and shook my head.
“no… sorry…”
He dropped his head in defeat.
S: I had to try…
Me: Yeah… Sorry…. I think I’m just feeling more of a friend vibe… you know? Is that okay?
S: Yeah… I can’t lie, I was hoping for more, but that’s okay.
And then my dumb ass in an effort to make him feel better said “and I’m really new here, so I’m not really looking for anything. I just want to make friends and settle into my routine.”
He had also just recently moved to the area and said he would be happy to be friends. He joked that maybe with some time he’d grow on me.
Me: probably not
But okay, he took it OKAYY. He shot his shot. He missed. No big deal, no hard feelings.
I texted Julia saying I was gonna finish this game of darts and then leave.
So I’m thinking I’m in the clear. I said I wasn’t interested, I tried to let him down easy. I thought he got it.
So tell me why he says
S: So you know how you said you weren’t looking for anything serious? Would you be open to something more casual? I’m really busy with work so I’m not really looking for anything serious either. Just someone to enjoy some time with.
HUH?? Are you f*cking kidding me? Is this guy delusional?
Me: THAT’S what you got out of what I said?… -_-
Me: I said I see you as more of a friend
(just wait for it….)
S: Maybe we can hang out sometimes as friends and get some sushi and then have some [ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN], or have some [ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN] and then get some sushi…. or maybe some nights, just get some sushi.
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
EX-CUUUUUUSE ME?????? WHAT ???????????
HUHHH??????
THE AUDACITY.
(also what’s with the sushi??)
Me: Nooo… I’m not interested in that at all. I think you kinda twisted what I said. I was fine with being friends but that’s it. Nothing more.
And then he continued to hammer the nail in his coffin by trying to win me over with his weird advances which just completely missed the mark. He didnt just miss the shot, it was a f*cking Goddam air ball.
UEEUHHHH I don’t even want type out what he said next because it was so cringy and so gross but I feel like you’ll understand why I was so turned off and why this is such a scathing review.
No I can’t do it. I tried for 5 minutes to type it and its so off putting I can’t write it.
Okay no, I have to get you guys to understand how much he sucked. While trying to make himself out to be this irresistable lover, he was saying how much he loves going down on women and said the sentence… (prepare yourself): “a hairy triangle is my corner of heaven” UEEUEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (throwing up). Why would you say that????????
OBVIOUSLY I’m not grossed out by the act or the hair (that should go without saying), but Jesus- read the room?!?!!!!
I. Do. Not. F*-cking. Like. You. Like. That.
I was shocked.
How dare you be so crude and vulgar!! Of course we know I’m no nun but please….. some manners. I mean, be a gentleman!! What the hell. Like I was obviously not interested and on suchhhh a different wavelength. Like….. he was giving delusional freak. And definitely not friend.
Me: ew… I don’t need to know that.
Julia called right on cue. I mean I was gonna leave anyway but at least this shook me out of my state of shock.
Her performance was Oscar worthy and I really almost thought her flight was actually cancelled.
Me: Listen, I think we’re really looking for different things… And I have to go help my friend with her flight. I really have to go…
S: Can we still hang out as friends
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Trust your gut and don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
