*Jamie, 27- Lisbon Lover: Part 9
Pros:
SO funny and goofy
Super attractive (Blond surfer vibe)
Insane chemistry
Really nice
Knows good restaurants
Organic connection
Amazing dancer
Gentleman
Assertive
BDE
Patient
Great travel buddy
Handles stressful situations well
Makes boring activities fun
Really good with teamwork
DTF anywhere, everywhere, all the time
Cons:
Not that into me
Well lovers… this is it. The final Jamie episode.
From a very random movie level meet-cute on a Lisbon balcony, to a baecation in the Key West… you’ve read it all. Well, almost all.
I guess I should finish this story.
I can’t possibly fit every single thing we did in the Keys in the blog, but for this last one, I’ll share with you some of my favorite memories….
So… Benni-f*cking-hanna right? That’s where we left off?
Right… well… we peeeeeeled ourselves off the bed and got ready for our highly anticipated gourmet dinner (literally not gourmet at all). So anyway, at the time, there was that viral tiktok audio that was like “Am I a Nicki fan???? Pull up in the Sri Lanka.” Do you know what I’m talking about? Basically, a reality TV star was doing an interview, and when they asked her if she was a Nicki fan, she completely botched the lyrics of Nicki’s verse in Monster. The actual lyrics are:
“Pull up in the monster, automobile gangsta/With a bad bitch that came from Sri Lanka.”
…. You can imagine how much I ~love that line… being a bad b*tch from Sri Lanka and all (nail polish emoji, sparkle emoji).
Okay anyway, the audio went viral and everyone was using it for when they were really bad at something but had a lot of confidence anyway. Sooo funny… So this became one of our jokes during the trip, and we would blurt out “PULL UP IN THE SRI LANKA” when one of us said or did something stupid. But it also gave us the intense desire…. to listen to Monster (specifically Nicki’s verse, duh). So when we got to Benihanna, we were literally like, wait-let’s listen to Monster before we go in.
SoOoOo… we… SAT IN THE PARKING LOT….. and tried rapping - badly… (like very, very, badly)… we tried rapping Monster. Looooooooooooool!! Maybe we knew like 1 out of every 7 words. But that didn’t stop us from performing our hearts out. I loved it. I mean… that was the best part of hanging out with Jamie. Besides the orgasms. That’s the kind of sh*t that my best friends do. My OG bestie since I was 9 wouldn’t let me out of her car once until I listened to 4 renditions of some song from Hamilton. Anyway, one carpool karaoke later, we went in, and Jamie finally got to experience the magic of an onion volcano.
The next day we had booked an actual snorkeling excursion because we really wanted to see some fish that weren’t brown. This tour was actually taking us out to the coral reef. So anyway, we had timed our morning so we could dance dance dance, get breakfast at this really cute place, (I wish I remembered the name), and then get to the dock in time for the boat to leave.
… turns out we went to the wrong dock.
We had just assumed the boat was leaving from where we left the day before… but it was apparently in a completely different area. Oopsie! Okay we did not calculate the extra time it took to drive to the other dock. We were running late… and when we got there.. we couldn’t even figure out the parking… so we just left the car in the lot and hoped for the best.
J: ”If we get a ticket, we get a ticket… but hopefully no one checks”
I mean, I was one thousand percent sure someone was gonna check. This was a tourist town- like there’s always traffic police handing out tickets. But we were kinda like… whatever, if we don’t runnnnn to the boat nowwww, we’re gonna miss it.
I kinda had a moment where I was like…. woah… this situation would have gone veryyyyy differently in my last relationship. Like, yeah, we were late, most likely gonna get a ticket, and yet …. there was… no drama…
No finger pointing, no arguing, no blame game, no anxiety over paying a ticket. It was just like- it is what it is. If we get a ticket, we’ll deal with it. Let’s get on this boat. Which is way more my vibe. I would actually pay double just to not hear someone else complain. Sh*t happens, but I don’t want to ruin my whole day over it!!
Anyway, we made it on the boat just in time. It was amazing being on the water. They took us wayyy out into the middle of the ocean. The captain was giving the same spiel we heard the day before on the dolphin tour so I was only half paying attention. Don’t stand on anything, don’t touch anything, blablabla. But then he got to the part about where we have to swim to to see the corals and I perked up. He’s like “The conditions aren’t great today. Put your hands like this (holding his hands about 2 ft apart ~60 cm). Now put it over your head…. That’s how high the waves will be over your head.”
I look at Jamie, like… the F*ck!???
We were instructed to swim past the rough waves and then the water would be calmer and we would see the corals. Jamie got in right before me and we started making our way to the reef. Literally 30 seconds into us getting in the water, Jamie pops his head down and goes “I just saw a shark.”
Me: “Shut up, that’s not funny"
He was alwaysss joking around, so I wasn’t taking him seriously. He put his head back down.
J: Just kidding, just a big fish
I found out later it was indeed a shark that multiple people saw, but he didn’t wanna freak me out.
And thank GOD I didn’t know.
Jamie and I were swimming, and all of a sudden…
J: Where’s everyone else?
We noticed that no one was around us. I wasn’t that worried ‘cause as Iong as I was with Jamie, I felt fine. I was just trying to get my underwater camera to work lol.
Then a big ass wave literally draaagged my ass even further into the ocean, and then I was all alone. And I couldn’t see Jamie. RIP me.
So whatever, I fought for my life to get back to the boat (which was not easy at all bc the waves kept pulling me back). This was not the peaceful snorkeling experience I had envisioned. A minute later I saw Jamie on the boat and gave him the biggesttt hug. He thought I had swam back to the boat because he couldn’t find me either. I was literally so freaked out. (Just for the record the captain of the boat said that I was the only one in the right spot and everyone else got dragged by the current away from the corals. I didn’t feel very cool though considering I got my ASS BEAT by some waves). Anyway, good thing I didn’t really know about the shark.
As the boat headed back, I think the adrenaline was wearing off and the nausea was coming in…. I was… not feeling great. And I wasn’t looking great either. I turned my front camera on just to check the situ, and I was mortified.
I had swallowed so much water that I was sooo bloated, the salt water made my hair crazy knotty, and my sunscreen was making me look like Casper the ghost. Meanwhile, I look up and Jamie is literally GLOWING reflecting the sun.
I let out a very defeated sigh.
The crew had a concoction (which I think was ginger beer and sprite), and they said if you were nauseous to come get some and you’d feel better. Jamie was sweet, he brought me a cup while I had my head down on the table, lol. But that’s traveling with people right? It’s not always prettyyy and fuuun and coool. Sometimes it’s kinda fugly and very uncool. But good friends, (and good lovers), will take care of you anyway.
So anyway- we got back to the car just as someone was writing us a ticket. Oopssss…. we were like, f*ckkkk we’re sooo sorry. We knew we were in the wrong. Well.. turns out we didn’t just not pay for parking, we also parked in a HANDICAP SPOT.
Swear we didn’t know.
We backed into the spot and the sign was like awkwardly high up… we did notttt see it. Thankfully the sweet man just told us to pay for the day parking pass and wished us a good day lol.
That night was our last night in the Keys. The next day we were driving back to Miami (since we were flying out the day after). So… we wanted to do something nice. We went to this tapas place (Jamie’s specialty), called Santiago’s Bodega. It was soooo cute and the food was really good. Oh, after a few days in the sun, Jamie’s hair had gotten extra blond… he was giving 2006 Disney channel hottie with his side swept wispy flow. Kinda like Troy Bolton vibes. Whatever, anyway- it was super fun, Jamie absolutely roasted me for ignoring the captain while he was talking, and then proceeding to almost drown… we drank a ton of wine, got very tipsy, and were every waiters worse nightmare cuz we were the last to leave.
Well… if the dinner was good- our walk home was great. God knows why, but we (me) had the amazing idea to play “Who am I” on my phone as we walked back.. We were literally on the sidewalk dancing and singing
“Sim Simma
who got the keys to my beama???
Who am IIIIIII??
The gurls them sugar.
How can IIIIIII
make love to a fella?
IN A RUSH.
PASS ME THE KEYS TO MY TRUCK”
1) if you havent listened to the song yet, what are you waiting for?! You’re supposed to be livinggg through my stories, so plz
2) much weirder things have happened in Key West than two tipsy people doing a little dancey-dance on the street
Wait- I just realized I have to choose my words carefully since I drew out a whole elaborate analogy about dancing and salsa and rumba and lalala, and wow, this is really taking me back to Lisbon Lover part 1.
(Okay so to clarify- no, we were not f*cking on the street.)
Anyhoo, we were just livingg, really. We amused a few people as our high school ~musicaal went by.
We had to walk past a bunch of bars on our way back to the hotel and thought, what the hell, last night in the Florida Keys. So we went to this outdoor dive bar place with live music and got a drink. It was chill… somehow after spending every second together we hadn’t gotten sick of each other… which is good. Jamie had his beer in one hand, and the other holding my ankle. He gently caressed my leg with his thumb as we sat there and listened to the band. Damn… that was nice.
Anyway, we stopped by this convenience store on the way back to get some water (and a beer) for the room. The sweetest old man that worked there talked to us for a bit, and I can’t remember what he said, I just remember it being really wholesome. It was something about smiling. We took our water and beer and finally went back to the hotel. We went on our balcony to share a goodnight vape and breathe in that hot Key West night air one last time. After a while I was feeling …. idk I was just feeling. I knew these moments were fleeting. They would become memories… eventually distant memories. This happens to me a lot though.. even with my friends… anticipatory nostalgia. Missing something before it’s over. (Not very Buddhist live in the present of me). I kinda just wanted to slow down time... I got out of my chair and sat on his lap. But like… facing him so we could keep talking. It feels weird to say this now…but at the time, between the talking and kissing… it was nothing outside of that balcony existed. I was in a blissful bubble. Ooo so cliché. Uuf, I hate coming off too sappy… but that’s how I felt (shrug emoji). Well… have you heard that saying… it’s like, “if you’re too emotional to talk, you sing… and if you’re too emotional to sing… you dance.”
And dance we did.
The next day we drove back to Miami. It wasn’t the sunny beautiful car ride we had driving down. We actually got really lucky with the weather while we were there, but on the drive back, it starting storming. The vibes were like, very.. mellow. Jamie was super tired, the sky was like, grey and cloudy… he kept fidgeting in his seat… he seemed kinda uncomfortable.. like his back hurt or something. I gave his neck and shoulders a little squeeze. We weren’t listening to any crazy music… Instead we were on a Jack Johnson kick. Kind of the epitome of chill, happy…. kinda effortlessly romantic (for a lack of a better word). And as I gave him a little neck massage, one of my favorite favorite songs came on…
“If I had eyes in the back of my head, I would have told you that you looked good as I walked awayyayay.”
I dare you to listen to that song around someone you like… you will be so in your f*cking feels!!
Anyway, we were on our way to Dolphin Mall (yes that’s the real name… #florida lol). Jamie wanted to do some shopping, and he had to get something for his sister… which I thought was really cute considering my brother would have told me to f*ck off. Anyway, Jamie really wanted this navy corduroy jacket from Ralph Lauren (can’t remember if I already said this but his style is very Ralph Lauren meets Vans), and I was on a mission to find it. Whatever, so- he got the jacket, it looked amazing on him, a bunch of really funny things happened in the store, (which would take too long to explain and I just don’t feel like it), but the point is, we were holding in our laugher until the second we stepped out and then burrrrsteddddd out laughing. Honestly, nothing funny really even happened in the store… it was all just awkward af, but we found the humor in it. (Green flag, green flag.)
Okay so we all know Jamie is fun, Jamie is funny, and Jamie can throw the pipe (bravo *chefs kiss). But I feel like you only realllyyy get to know someone when things go wrong. And up until this point, we hadn’t actually faced any real challenges. Okay we had parking-gate but… that wasn’t that bad.
But what happened next.. was… stressful. And it was a true test of character. And I know for damn sure there are people in my life that I would rather die than be in that situation with, because… well…. they have no chill.
Okay, so what happened?
Basicallyyyyyyy, Dolphin mall is an Alice in Wonderland F*CKING MAZE. Every single exit looks exactlyy the same, (with identical ads and kiosks which makes it even more confusing if you’re using them as point of reference). Even the bathrooms. Like Jamie went to the bathroom and I said I’d wait outside for him… He literally calls me like “where are you? did you move?”
I did not move.
I was in the exact same spot.
HE went out of a different exit of the bathroom, and it looked so identical to where he left me, he thought I walked away!!
Literally this place was a trippy maze. Anyway…. this became a problem when we were trying to leave… and… we couldn’t find the car.
Sim Simma…. where the f*ck is our beamer?
Yeah we literally lost the car. We were looking up and down the parking lot and were sooo confused. Did we accidentally park in a handicap spot again and get towed?
sh*t.
Aaand we had to return the car in like an hour and a half or else we’d get charged for an extra day. (We already just barely had enough time to drive back and get gas before dropping off the car).
double sh*t.
Oh- and as we circled around this parking lot, questioning our memory and our sanity…. it started raining !
triple sh*t.
So we’re walking around getting rained on, on time crunch, and kinda worried that the car actually got towed… I mean the situation was less than ideal. And I could feel my body tensing up. Not because I was getting upset…. I was bracing myself for him to get upset. (Not that I looovedd losing the rental car and getting rained on… but- I’m not gonna make a difficult situation even more difficult). I was kinda expecting him at some point to pop off and lose his cool. Why you may ask?… Welll, I don’t ever really talk sh*t about my ex, and I’m not about to start now on the internet, but… how can I put this delicately… my guy had a John McEnroe level temper. And when that volcano exploded… trust me, you didn’t wanna be anywhere near it. (A lot of great qualities, but that was a deal breaker). That’s all I’ll say about that.
Anyway, back to Jamie-
Instead of getting annoyed, he stayed super calm… and was just really nice.
J: You go inside and find an info desk and ask them if they tow, I’ll keep looking
We also had to call the car rental place and tell them we were running late (I blamed the storm lol). But we kinda just tackled everything together as a team. Like one of us was on the phone talking while the other was looking for confirmation code emails. It very much felt like ‘you and me against the problem’, instead of ‘you and me against each other.’
Which is how it’s supposed to be.
Anyway, long story short, as I was walking to the info desk, I recognized a woman who worked at a jewelry kiosk who told me where the bathroom was when we first walked into the mall. (the problem was that the kiosk looked like every other jewelry kiosk, hence why we were so confused.) That’s when I realized we were looking in the wrong parking lot lol. To be fair, we did look in the next lot over, but the mall was huge and we went in the wrong direction. I went outside and lo and behold, there was the car. I called Jamie and he came over… “niceeee.. good call!!” As he backed out of the spot… I think we both felt really relieved, but for two different reasons. I mean yes I was happy we found the car, but I mostly felt like whew… out of the danger zone of him eventually getting frustrated. So much of my time with Jamie was like hehehe, lololol and not like actual serious conversations, but I was like
“Hey.. uhh… that was kind of a stressful situation and… thanks for never getting irritated or taking it out on me…”
And he sooo casually and nonchalantly shrugs and goes, “why would I.”
Oh
F*ck…. yeah…. why should he?? And why did III feel so on edge and nervous….. Was I finally acknowledging some of my own trauma?
It was like a giant mirror being held up in front of my face saying The dynamics of your last relationship weren’t healthy.
That’s not normal. You shouldn’t be worried someone is gonna flip out on you because things aren’t going right. Your nervous system shouldn’t be going into overdrive anticipating getting blamed. And you really SHOULD be feeling safe and like you’re a part of a team when a challenge does come up.
Hm… well this has been enlightening.
Anyway…. plenty of other things happened but… too much to fit in a blog. Maybe if I ever write a book or get a TV show you’ll get more deats.
In a nutshell, we stayed in that night (there was a mini hurricaine), ordered in sushi and went to bed early. The next day we walked around little Havana and went shopping and got lunch before heading to the airport together. It was an anticlimatic goodbye as usual.
I know what everyone wants to know is, what happened after? Do I still see him or talk to him…
Well… there was a period when we talked. Listen, it was never like facetimes and phone calls. It was never, ever that serious. It was like max voice notes and whatsapps and memes. In that period I heard from him like every day almost. But like most things, it fizzled. I think I just thought I would see him when I moved to Europe. I mean, let me be clear, I did not want or expect to be in a relationship- I wanted to move single. I wanted to be free to settle into my routine, get comfortable with my new job, and flirt with strangers. Buuut.. I thought we would like sometimes see each other.. like over a long weekend or something. But that didn’t really happen. Embarrassing to admit but, I did try a few times, and there just wasn’t a mutual interest. (And that was juxtaposed against Sebastian the Spaniard inviting me like 5 times to visit him in Madrid). So I was like, hmmmmm…. Okay well, time to swallow the he’s just not that into you pill. Listen it’s never a fun pill to swallow, but it is what it is. It’s okay. There’s plenty of people who are into me and… I’m just not into them back the same way or to the same extent.
Are we still in contact? Yeah! Obviously we don’t talk a lot or often, but it’s friendly.
Anyway, the point of this story isn’t “Oh no, things didn’t work out.”
It’s that things don’t have to work out in order to be valuable, enriching, and positive experiences.
They say people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Jamie was in my life for a reason.
I always said from the beginning that no matter how long or short he was in my life, he filled up my cup. Jamie reminded me that dating should be fun! He reinforced my need to laugh every single day with the person I’m with. He showed me that I could feel comfortable again being intimate with someone, and that physical chemistry didn’t end with my last relationship. He also made me realize that the right partner will make me feel safe even when problems come up.
There was a lot of good I took out of it.
Anyway… that’s the story of my Lisbon Lover.
Don’t feel bad for me, I write these things months later, so, I got over it a while ago. And there’s no bad blood between me and Jamie. That’s my friend and I’m so grateful for the time we spent together… But it’s time to close this chapter and start the next.
As the great poet Ariana Grande once said…
Thank you…. next!
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Things don’t have to work out in order to be valuable, enriching, and positive experiences. Actually, it doesn’t even have to be positive. It can be shit, but you’ll know it’s shit you don’t want to deal with again.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Identify which one it is, accept it, and carry on with the lessons you’ve learned.
