*Evan, 31- The Picnic
Pros:
Smart
Successful
Good with kids
Planned an out-of-the-box date
Thoughtful
Cons:
No chemistry
I saw Evan on Hinge, and… the guy is f*cking impressive.
Pediatrician… hot
Duke… smart
6’1… check
31… kinda young for my normal age range, buuut… acceptable
Likes dogs… doi
Runs marathons… fit
Weirdly attracted to: Alpha personalities…….…. iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnteresting
Well, say less, baby. If you’re attracted to alpha personalities.. you’re gonna love me.
I hearted that.
I had a prompt at the time that was: “The quickest way to my heart is: to send me Cinnabons.” (I was in a Cinnabon phase where I was craving it like every day).
E: “So where am I sending the Cinnabons?”
OoOooo, coming in hot, Evan! Love the initiative. But… I actually hadn’t thought that far. Like, I can’t just give a stranger my address, ya know. So I sent him my office address.
Me: “You don’t actually have to send me Cinnabons lol. But I’d be impressed if you did…”
I was trying to make it seem like I wasn’t using guys to send me Cinnabons, but I was definitely using guys to send me Cinnabons.
This was a Friday, and by Monday, he still hadn’t texted me back. Sh*t, did I fumble a Doctor? (God am I turning into one of those brown aunties I hate... Might as well call me Sima from Mumbai iykyk). Normally, if a guy doesn’t text me back, #thankyounext, but he was really perfect on paper. He checked all the boxes. Evan was one of the profiles that I got the “Most compatible: Nayomi & Evan you two should meet” messages from the app. The algorithm must be onto something.
Me: “Are you really gonna tease me with Cinnabons and then ghost me?!”
(Like, don’t tell me you’re gonna send me Cinnabons, and then not.)
E: “I promise I’ve been meaning to reply but it’s been harder than you think to get you Cinnabons”
So then he proceeds to tell me this whole saga of how he tried to send me some but couldn’t, then looked at the nearest grocery stores where he could do a pick up order, then decided to send me cinnamon rolls on Amazon fresh but decided to also order other snacks to get free delivery, and had this idea that we could take all this food on a picnic.
E: “Stay tuned, I’ll be on its way soon”
Me: “Alright alright, points for effort. I won’t hold my breath but I am very down for this picnic date”
On Thursday he sent me a message:
E: “Hope you can be at your place tonight from 7-9 pm because there will be a delivery”
Oh, awkward, he thought I gave him my home address.
Me: “You know I sent you my work address right lol… I feel like it would have been a bit weird to tell a stranger where I live. BUT I will be there late tonight because I have a networking event. And I am super excited for this delivery!”
A few hours later he texts me again.
E: “No joke, Amazon cancelled it…”
-_-
Mmmhhmm, sure. I was born at night, not last night.
E: “If I can get this to work, what two hour window tonight/ tomorrow would you want the delivery scheduled? If this doesn’t work, I’ll just go pick it up myself and bring it to to the date (it was a bunch of charcuterie board supplies and Cinnamon buns of course)”
I was torn between, this guy is totally f*cking with me, and okay he’s actually really trying and putting a lot of effort and initiative into this, which is really sweet. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, so I went with the latter.
He said the time and place was up to me (which was great, because I feel like letting a guy you don’t know pick a picnic spot- possibly in a wooded area without service, is just like… a death wish). So, there was this lake I used to go to as a kid, and my family would row boats, and… I just had a lot of good memories there. Hadn’t been there in forever, so I thought that would be the perfect spot for the picnic.
We decided to meet on Saturday at 3. He was working night shifts at the hospital, so he asked if we could meet a little later in the day so he could sleep in. I mean, is there anything hotter than a guy working late nights to help little kids????? UUfffff… I mean, knowing he was already good with kids… my ovaries were exploding. Imagine your husband, the father of your children… A PEDIATRICIAN. Like you would worry so much less. Instead of two new parents who don’t know what they’re doing, you’d have one new parent who doesn’t know what they’re doing… and the other parent, is a f*cking doctor. That’s called a life hack.
Anyway, the day before the date he texted me to make sure we were all set.
E: “I have a funny story on why the order never delivered. I’ll tell you tomorrow (laughing emoji). I’ll just bring the stuff to the picnic”
Me: “Haha sounds good! I guess if we’re doing a picnic I’ll bring a few things too! Anything you don’t like that I should avoid?”
E: “Nope, how about you? Any allergies?”
Me: “No allergies Dr. (Doctor emoji, joking emoji)”
I packed this really cute picnic basket with some fruits, cheese, a cute little wood cutting board, a blanket, etc. Girls are funny because we care about the ~aesthetic.
Anyway, he got to the park just a little before me. I parked and he was sitting on a bench across the lot. I could see him from a distance, but I’m kinda blind so I couldn’t really see what he looked like. I started walking towards him and he started walking towards me. He’s getting clearer and clearer… and then, he’s right in front of me. We hugged and I was…
underwhelmed.
I feel like when you meet someone you’ve talked to online, in your first impression they either:
-meet expectations
-exceed expectations
-or fall short of expectations
Unfortunately it was kind of the last one. I mean he’s a handsome guy. Brown hair, brown eyes, a little pale. Kind of your average Joe. There was nothing wrong with him at all. There just wasn’t an immediate attraction on my end. And I mean, that’s okay, sometimes it takes getting to know someone’s personality to see them in a different light.
He was a gentleman and took the picnic basket from me. He let me take the lead on where we should set up our little picnic. We had some small talk while we walked. I don’t know how to describe it, some people you meet and you just click. Within seconds you’re talking and laughing like friends, and with other people… it requires more effort. We found a cute grassy area and set up our picnic. He took out all of the things he packed. A ton of really nice Trader Joe’s cheese (love Trader Joe’s <3), some crackers, pretzels, fruits… and of course my cinnamon rolls. The only thing missing was some cured meat. Listen, if you tell me you’re bringing things for a charcuterie board, please don’t just bring cheese. I’m the most carnivorous person on the planet. Meat puts me in a good mood. Sorry to all the vegetarians and vegans… and animals… Anyway, it’s not the end of the world. Whatever, the cheese was good.
E: “Oh I have to tell you what happened with the Amazon order. You’re gonna laugh”
Me: “Oh yeah, tell me!”
E: “So I ordered it on my parent’s prime account. And I didn’t understand for the life of me why the order was cancelled. But the next day my mom calls me and tells me her Amazon account got hacked. And someone named Nayomi was trying to order things off their account. And she got so spooked she changed her Amazon login info and everything.”
Me: “Oohhhhhh myyyy Godddd…. your mom associated my name with being a HACKER!? I’m dead….”
E: “Yeah… I told her she actually wasn’t hacked and that it was my order.”
Me: “Oh my God, she was probably thinking ‘who is this b*tch Nayomi…”
E: “Yeah I was like ‘she’s my friend mom’”
Me: “Right… your “FRIEND”, not some random girl you met on a dating app”
Literally, LOLLLLL. I mean, I thought it was hilarious. I really can’t believe there was a random middle aged woman out there somewhere cursing my name thinking I was a scammer. We were both laughing about the whole thing. The date was going… fine. It wasn’t painful. There weren’t fireworks either. Since I strategically shifted the conversation towards the apps, we started talking about our profiles.
Me: “So alpha personalities… what’s that all about”
E: “ahah yeah… I don’t know. I just am attracted to alpha personalities”
Me: “Would you say you have an alpha personality?”
He didn’t. I already knew he didn’t. I just wanted to see what he thought. If he said yes, I would know he was absolutely delusional.
E: “No I don’t think so. I’ve always preferred to be behind the scenes. Kinda floated between groups of friends. Kinda quiet. I guess that’s why I like alpha personalities. Opposites attract.”
Righttt…
You know the only problem with that is-
You know who’s also attracted to alpha personalities?
ME.
You know who also has an alpha personality?
ME.
And TBH, I need someone who can out-alpha me.
And let me be clear, to me, being an alpha doesn’t mean being some loud, obnoxious, machismo person. To me, an alpha is someone centered, responsible, protective, competent, confident… a leader … pretty much my dad. You feel safe in their presence. You know they can take care of things, and you don’t have to worry. And that doesn’t mean they’re totally serious. My dad is one of the funniest people I know. But he’s also one of the most respected.
I guess if I take on this role in other areas of my life (like planning group trips and being so fiercely protective of my friends- one time I made a guy on a train cry ‘cause he grabbed my friends ass), I would LOVE if whoever I dated would at minimum match my energy. Okay no, I don’t mean I want him to make other guys cry, I’m just saying I want the guy to have my back.
I’m not gonna spill all this guys tea on the internet, but there were many conversations had throughout the date that just showed me that it wasn’t really a mutual fit romantically. BUT, I really respected and appreciated his honestly and vulnerability. I literally thought he’s the kind of person I’d be friends with… but, I have enough friends and I didn’t get on this app to make more lol.
At the end of the date he walked me to my car and I thanked him for a really nice time. I’ve always wanted to do a picnic date. (I’m sure with someone I actually liked it would have been pretty romantic.) A few days later he texted me and asked if I wanted to meet up again. I told him I know with his schedule, his free time is really limited and valuable, and I didn’t think we were the best match.
It’s crazy, the guy who was perfect on paper, checked every box- was just missing the most important thing: the X factor. That elusive quality you can’t touch or describe. You either have it or you don’t. It wasn’t that he didn’t bring meat for the charcuterie board, or that he’s more of a beta personality. It’s just that we didn’t have that natural chemistry. The app was onto something. On paper, he was exactly the kind of person I would be compatible with. But the algorithm doesn’t know everything. I can’t say exactly what he was missing, but when I meet a guy that has it-
Ding- I’ll know.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Someone can be totally perfect on paper, but that doesn’t mean they’re perfect *for you.
(That underwhelmed feeling I had the first time I met him was my mind and soul flagging for me that he wasn’t it.)
On the other side of that, I shouldn’t get offended if someone doesn’t like me romantically, because I could be totally perfect on paper for them, but just be missing that X factor. And it’s nothing to be upset about- because those connections are SUPPOSED to be rare. And that’s what makes it so special when you do find them.
