Logan, 28-Love and Loss
Pros:
Nathan Scott vibes
Gentleman
Extremely kind
Best kisser
Playful
Respectful
Smokeshow
Cons:
That’s between me, him, and God
Hey there readers!
Don’t hate me, don’t hate me, don’t hate me. I know I’ve been so bad about keeping up the blog. I AM gonna try to get on more of a schedule. I have a lot to fill you guys in on. For starters, I moved back to Switzerland for a job. I did an amazing Eurotrip this summer with my friends… and… I was kinda dating someone in America before I moved. Honestly, I just wasn’t in the mood to write about other guys and I was too busy living my best life! But I have a lot of good stories to tell, so I promise it will be worth the wait.
Well for my first post of 2023, I wanted to do something a little different. (Don’t worry, I’ll get back to spilling the tea on my dates soon). I’ve recently been thinking about some of the relationships, situationships, and flings I’ve had… and I guess just thinking about what I took away from each one.
Trauma, baby.
Jkjk… No, I guess in leaving the guy I was dating, and moving across the ocean, I was having a Carrie Bradshaw moment, and pondering the age old question:
Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
Okay I guess in my situation it’s more of a “Is it better to have liked and lost than never to have liked at all?”
Well, I promised… Logan… (we’ll call him Logan) that I wouldn’t write about our dates on the blog. And I won’t. All I’ll say is- Nathan Scott from One Tree Hill vibes. If you get it, you get it, if you don’t, you dont!! (But Nathan was my childhood crush soooooooo… swoon).
*Edit: After writing this I realized he looks exactly like Chase Stokes from Outer Banks, so… yeah… do with that information what you will.
Anyway, he’s wonderful and we’re still good friends, but I won’t go more into it. Although I could go on about him and it would be all good things.
…
Okay so Logan just texted me back right now, and gave me the green light for this blog, so let me actually rave about him. Dark hair (like that dark brown almost black), green eyes (uuuuffff I die, I dieee), such a gentleman (always opened every door for me), so sweet, sensitive, insanely talented, genetically gifted, disciplined, focused, determined, the most athletic human I’ve ever met, respectful, kind of guarded and mysterious- but I think that’s hot…(well, I think it’s hot to be guarded and mysterious with other people, but not with ~me *sparkle emoji), just a really good person… and not to objectify him, but… fire. Straight fire.
N-E-way… When we started dating (it was a whole year and a half after we first met but that’s another story), I had already accepted the job offer in Switzerland. I don’t think either of us really expected to date. I mean he lives in Boston and I was in DC. I was going to visit my childhood best friend and told him I was gonna be in town. (Okay the first time we met he shot his shot, but I was in a relationship. When I became single I shot my shot back). Being the perfect gentleman that he is, he asked me out to dinner. We had a great time (skipping details to keep my promise bla bla bla…) and then we kind of just wanted to keep seeing each other… And so began our bi-monthly visits.
Oh I will give you some details… (give the people what they want). It’s more just my perspective of when I first saw him for the date. I did a happy hour right before with my childhood bestie C, her husband, and another friend, and had two margaritas. I think just enough to shake off the pre-date nerves. So I was slightly buzzed in the uber on the way to little Italy, and I was also in a phase where I couldn’t stop listening to Bound 2. So I get out of the uber and of course I have Bound 2 playing in my airpods (great walk up song btw) and I’m just vibing walking to the restaurant. And as I’m approaching the corner where he’s standing… I swear on my life… I see him turn around in slow motion. I don’t know if it was the margaritas or a sign from God, but he literally turned around in slo-mo, hands in his pockets, looking scrumdiddlyumptious.
B-B-B-B-B-B-Boundddd to fallin in loveee… uh huh, honeyy.
He was wearing black jeans and a green/grey sweater that made his green eyes pop. His hair was perfectly pushed back, and he had on the cleanest pair of white sneakers I’ve ever seen (which weirdly made me kind of insecure about my white sneakers that were obviously OFF WHITE fml).
Whatever- so, we keep seeing each other, and obviously after each visit we like each other more and more. Naturally, of course, that’s bound to happen. But we both also knew I was leaving. I was transparent about it from the beginning. But I wasn’t dating anyone else at the time, and we both just really liked spending time together and had a good connection, so we made the most of the time we had. And no, I would like to clarify that this wasn’t a FWB thing, or a situationship. At the core of our relationship was a lot of respect, understanding, and admiration. (I’m not saying there’s no respect in a friends with benefits situation, I’m just saying the benefits part wasn’t the defining aspect of our time together… but the benefits were benefittin’ Purr). Okay-so, all this to say- great, I liked someone, still do, I’m not seeing them anymore, obviously it’s hard, obviously I miss him, obviously this sucks! So why did I put myself through this in the first place?
“WHAT WAS THE REASON?? WHAT WAS THE REASON B*TCH???” - Cardi B.
Well this brings us back to our question. Is it better to have loved/liked and lost than never to have loved/liked at all?
Here’s my take:
Abso-f*ckinglutely
I would rather have loved and lost a million times over than never to have loved at all. And you wanna know why? I am so f*cking grateful for every experience that has enriched my life… made it more interesting, more fun, or brought me happiness at any point. Any experience I got a good story out of… so when I’m old, I can tell my kids and grandkids that their granny was bussin’ down back in the day lived a full life. Kidding, it’s not even about telling anyone I lived a full life. It’s about me being hyper aware that I only have one life, and I don’t want to rob myself of any experiences that bring me joy. Life is hard enough. Will it inevitably lead to some feelings of sadness… yeah… sure. But would I rather focus on my new collection of stories, memories, and lessons… definitely. I guess this is a drawn out way of saying “dOnT cRy BeCaUsE i’Ts OVeR, SmILe bEcAusE iT hApPenNed.”
And I’m really not saying we shouldn’t ever be sad about these things. Be sad. Sometimes crying it out is the best feeling. It means you actually gave a sh*t. I’m just saying let’s not live in that sadness. Just last night and this morning I was feeling sad. I was missing Logan, I was missing the time we had together, I could literally close my eyes and replay some of my favorite moments with him. (Or I could just look through my camera roll because I literally document everything). So along with the feeling of sadness was an enormous amount of gratitude. WOW, HOW LUCKY was I to spend such intimate time with this wonderful person. How fun that I got to live out my High School Musical/ Love & Basketball fantasy and play 1 on 1 with him and laugh and make out on a basketball court. What an amazing January 1st, I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
(FYI before you start thinking I broke my promise, the only reason I gave those deats and not others is because we both posted it already, so it’s basically already public knowledge).
Okay maybe you’re thinking- Nay- real easy to be all be grateful hippy vibes when a romantic situation ends mutually and amicably. A lot harder when you get dumped, or when you like someone who doesn’t like you back.
Well here’s the thing about gratitude. You can find it anywhere. And if you think I haven’t been dumped, or I haven’t liked someone more than they liked me… OOooooooo you are sorely mistaken. (But tbh I feel bad for them for fumbling this bag). But here, let me give you some examples. These were before I started dating Logan so I guess I was already in the mindset of being okay with having something and it not working out, but still being grateful it happened.
I dated a guy for a few months (my first relationship after I got out of my long term one). It was one of those situations where the guy likes you sooooo much, is so into you, does everything to make you fall for him, and as soon as you like him back… he stops liking you (yeah we’ve all been there). The first few months were magical, electric.. and then I don’t know if his feelings changed or if it was just cold feet… But I was obviously left feeling like… what the f*ck just happened?.. He didn’t exactly dump me, he just pulled away until I had to make an executive decision since I didn’t wanna get strung along. Bummer right? Yeah.. But you know what I took away from it? I got over my ex of 8 years!! I could like someone else again. There was hope for me! And the memories I gained… I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I felt the warm Sri Lankan breeze hitting my face as I got kissed in the back of a tuk-tuk after leaving a party dancing with our friends. I was on cloud 9. It’s literally a core memory.
What about when I accidentally caught feelings for my vacation fling this summer? (You’ll get that story soon, I promise.) It’s all fun and games until your feelings are on the line. It’s not even catching feelings that’s the problem, it’s the anxiety that surrounds it. Ugh this is embarrassing. What if he doesn’t like me back? He probably doesn’t like me back. Why do I like him, it’s not like anything is gonna happen. Why couldn’t I be a cool chill ROBOT WITHOUT FEELINGS etc etc etc. And I’ll admit, I had a two day spiral where I was just feeling so sh*tty… for no reason. And then I was like… I literally met someone, by pure accident, on a random balcony, in a random bar I walked into while waiting on someone else who was running late, hit it off, and spent 5 days together. Basically did a Lisbon food tour, laughed my ass off the entire time, had the same sense of humor, had insane chemistry, and made a really, really, good friend regardless. I mean what are the chances of that happening? The stars basically aligned for us to even meet. This is literally a Netflix level movie plot. So yeah, I’m actually just super grateful a really cool person came into my life. That’s already a blessing.
So… if you’re feeling some sort of loss, heartbreak, letdown, missing someone, feeling rejected…. I get it. It really sucks, I’ve been there. But also congrats on doing life!! That sadness is a good thing. It means you’re in the game. You’re not on the sidelines watching and waiting. I would so much rather live life this way. I would redo the few months I got to spend with Logan, and have to say goodbye to him, and be sad about it (and cry about it), over and over and over, if the alternative was never spending time with him in the first place. And for each moment I miss him or I’m sad, I have 10 memories that make me smile, or laugh, or just feel really lucky.
If we’re always focusing on the loss or the fear… we miss all the amazing things that we gained already. I’m not gonna tarnish my beautiful, incredible memories by being upset things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to.
The glass is always half full. (So throw it back and order anotha one.)
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Gratitude is the key to finding the silver lining in any relationship whether it works out or not.
