*Nolan, 45- The Gentle Gangster: Part 2
Pros:
Gentleman
BDE
Assertive
Thoughtful
Funny
Good vibe
Sweet
Committed to winning me over
Cons:
Not my type
Covered in tattoos and has lots of piercings (not really a con, just not my usual type)
Hello?
It’s me.
(did you sing that like Adele be honestttt)
Okay it’s me again, your favorite undisciplined writer. Have I not prioritized my writing? Yes. Have I had writers block because of a deep seeded fear of failure? Yes. Do I suffer a severe case of imposture syndrome? CAN I GET A HELLLLLL YESSSSS. (that last line was totally supposed to be read like a game show host. Or boxing MC?) Anyway, it doesn’t even make sense that I doubt myself so much considering you guys have been nothing but kind to me.
ANYWAY, besides all that, the last couple of months have been kinda crazy. I got laid off, had knee surgery (hello? It’s me. I’m sorry I didn’t write my blog, I broke my f*cking knee), and maybe… just maybe, met the man of my dreams….
So, a lot has been going on.
But alas- I’m back. And I have stories.
So Nolan… my very own tatted up, adoring, Travis Barker.
After the first time we met we’d seen each other out a few more times with friends for aperitivo. Aperitivo is just the Italian version of what Americans would call happy hour. Post work drinks. Just chill and unwind time after leaving prison work. It was always casual and we were always in a group. Anyway, it’s not like we saw each other all the time. He travels constantly for work so he’s not always around. Fast forward to early summer and he would DM me sometimes when he was back in town. I thought it was friendly, I mean- I wasn’t into him. But as a friend, I adored him.
He would let me know if he had plans in the city and invite me to join. A lot of the times our schedules didn’t line up. But there was a time he wanted to plan a group dinner, and made sure that I could make it since he wanted to show me this restaurant. Of course Kevin was invited along with a few of Nolan’s friends that I met that night. It was a traditional Grotto with farm to table everything, and local meats and mmmMMMMmmmm!!! You know I die for meat. So we walk in and the owner comes out and gives him a big hug. The staff all greet him. He was obviously a beloved and loyal customer of this place. So we go to sit down, and it’s like nine of us. And I always find table seating quite interesting. It says a lot. Where people sit, who they sit next to. I’m so fascinated by, I don’t know the right way to say it but…. unspoken social dynamics? Norms? Etiquette? Whatever, you get it. The point is, I was just gonna follow their lead. I was probably gonna sit next to Kevin because… well Kevin was my closest friend there so I thought that made the most sense. But as we approached the table, Nolan, who was obviously at he head of the table, came close to me and whispers in my ear
N: “Would you do me the honor of sitting next to me”
Well, you have to understand he’s old school… and Roman, so… that’s just how he talks.
He pulled out the chair next to him and I soft smiled and sat down. When the waiter came around to ask everyone for their drink order, of course most people wanted a few bottles of red wine for the table. The place is famous for ribs so of course they wanted red wine. But as you guys know (I think I’ve said it before) I can only drink white! Red gives me headaches and I think I’m lowkey allergic. So I say it’s totally fine, I’ll just get a glass of white and everyone else can do red. The waiter asked me which white I wanted and I said either a glass of Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc would be fine. But Nolan leans over and says “We can get you your own bottle if you want”
Me: No, don’t worry! A glass is fine, I can’t finish a bottle anyway
I didn’t want to be a rude guest obviouslyy.
N: Who says you have to finish it. Just have as much as you want. Come with me…
Me: Where are we going
N: You’re going to choose a bottle
We stand up and he takes my hand and leads me to this cute stone wine cellar. It was built into the mountain and it was ~crisp in there, I was shivering. I was also thinking “are we allowed to be in here” lol.
He tells me to pick whatever bottle I want (as if I’m an expert on wine. I don’t know sh*t). The owner walks in, and in Italian is basically like “who is in here??” (of course I understand enough Italian to know what he was saying but can only speak it at the level of a 3 year old and have even less confidence in writing it. But yeah, he was basically wondering who was in there).
“Oh it’s just you” (laughing)
Okay so he’s a regular, regularrrr. I thought this wine cellar move was clever on his part. Obvious, but clever. He got to flex his BDE friends with the owner and big spender card, aaand put his arm around me since I was cold. It was also the start of my princess treatment, and oh, he did princess treatment quite well. I picked a random wine because, whatever we already know I didn’t know what I was doing, and we went back to the table.
Nolan ordered for the whole group. The place is mostly family style and when it comes to food, everyone trusts him. He always says “Trust the fatso,” to which I would say “You’re not even fat” and he would say “I used to be, so I’ll always be fat at heart.” This was something I actually really liked about him, he was always so confident and OKAY with himself. He had a humor about himself but it didn’t even feel self deprecating. It was just… it is what it is.
So he ordered multiple racks of ribs, polenta (the Italian version of grits- not a fan), a side of mushrooms and roasted potatoes. I saw a waiter carrying a large spread of cold cuts (again, I dieee for meats), and almost broke my neck watching him carry it over to another table. Prosciutto, Mortadella, Salame, Bresaola, Speck. I meannnn… it was…. mmm… I’m literally a slut for meat. Okay perhaps too far. Anyway, he notices that I was ~admiring the cold cuts and immediately tells the waiter to put an order in for our table.
Me: Nono, it’s fineee.. I’m fine!
N: You just have to tell me if you want something, it’s no problem
I smirked and raised my eyebrows and nodded my head. Well actually not nodded, it was more like a wobble. (Actually- btw, totally irrelevant, but you know how brown people shake their head to mean yes? I just found out recently that I do it a lot. But not like the fast wobble, my one is actually more like a slow side to side one, that’s less of a ‘yes’ and more of an “okay, sure’. But I was totally unaware of this mannerism until a close friend pointed it out to me recently and now I notice it all the time.)
Sorry side tangent, anyway… the dinner went on, we got multiple trays of ribs and I really popped off on them. The dinner was fun, everyone was having a good time and he was being really silly with me. I was chatting with one of the girls and her fiancé. Nolan and her became friends many years ago and became very close. He was almost like a father figure. He went with her to get her wedding dress, and I think she asked him to walk her down the aisle as well. He had fairy Godfather vibes. Really tender, generous, caring. He was also a perfect gentleman, always serving me more food. I really didn’t lift a finger the entire time. Super princess treatment.
After dinner we were all going to a lounge. There’s a club attached to it, but Nolan’s not really a clubber. I mean he goes sometimes but he doesn’t really like it. So anyway we get to Seven lounge and it’s buzzing with hot girls and their mediocre boyfriends. As soon as we walked in, the bouncers, bartenders, servers, even the manager- basically everyone that worked there, was dabbing him up, shaking his hand, giving him a respectful head nod, or a hug. We would stop constantly for him to say hi to people. And not just the staff, other people that were just going out too. He seemed to know everyone. I was kinda confused… and kinda impressed. At the peak of my club rat days, circa 2012-2015, when I was a college student going out on average 4 times a week (turn up Tuesday, hip-hop Thursday (if you know, you know), and Friday and Saturday obviously because…. well, it was college and you had not one single adult responsibility), I felt like IIII knew a lot of people in the city. To be fair it’s a really small city, so it’s not that difficult to be a big fish in a small pond. But I knew allll the bouncers, would cut every line and kiss their cheeks and ask how their kids were doing as I pranced in with my friends in our stiletto high heels (because we’re millennials and this was before it was cool to wear sneakers out. Thanks Gen Z).
Whatever, the point is, back then I thought I had some street cred, and “knew people,” but turns out my pond was a puddle, because Nolan actualllyyyy knows everyone.
So the whole group sits down, of course Nolan wants me to sit next to him, and a waiter comes over to get our drink order. Again, Nolan doesn’t drink but he always makes sure everyone gets what they want and has a good time. I wasn’t really in a drinking mood, and since I had some wine at dinner, I didn’t wanna switch it up. Nolan ordered a coffee and water as usual and I think everyone else got cocktails. One thing I noticed is that the entire time we were sitting there, if anyone passing by looked my way, as soon as they saw I was sitting next to him, they would immediately stare at the ground. As if they didn’t want any beef. Which I thought was pretty funny bc even though Nolan looks like a gangster, he’s a gentle gangster. We spent a few hours there and the music and vibes were pretty fun. Nolan asked if we wanted to stay out or not. If we wanted to go clubbing, he would get a table for us. The group collectively decided we wanted to stay out and go dancing for a bit so why nottt. Also every time I’m with my friend Kevin we always have sooo much fun when we’re out.
So we hit the club (guys, it’s been a longgg time since I went to a club) but I was having a great time! I was mostly sitting with Kevin and vibing to the music. Every once in a while I would accompany the smokers outside to get some fresh air (okay fine-guilty- I can’t lie to you guys, I also smoked. I can feel the judgement from my American readers, but I don’t wanna endorse smoking either). Whatever, so, we’re all outside and it’s kinda chilly. Nolan put one arm around me while the group was talking. I didn’t mind at all. Then he leans into my ear and says “can I have a kiss?”
Me: NOLAN!???
I looked at him in surprise, almost disbelief, but I was also laughing. I mean I wouldn’t put it past him to at least try. I know my chickens.
N: Ahaha okay, okay… half kiss? You can say no.
Me: What’s a half kiss?
N: You know when you’re going to kiss someone on the cheek and you accidently get half their lip?
I laughed and shook my head in the “you’re ridiculous” kind of way. But I guess I was in a silly mood, so I gave him a quarter kiss. It was basically a kiss on the cheek but with a small overlap on the corners of our lips. He was visibly happy. Throughout the night, the quarter kiss became a half kiss. It was all very light hearted, but I knew he was on a mission for a real kiss. But I also knew (and very much appreciated) that he was never gonna push me into doing it if I didn’t want to. Would he try? Probably. But he would completely respect if I said no. So in that sense, I always felt good around him.
After a few more hours, I was ready to call it a night. I probably left around 2 am (that’s the time 21 year old Nayomi got to the club). I only lived a 20 minute walk from downtown, so normally I would have walked back (shoutout Lugano for been the SAFEST town ever <3), but, it was raining like sh*t, so I told everyone I was gonna grab a cab.
N: I’ll drop you home dear
Me: No, you stay, don’t worry!!
N: No, I’m ready to go. And it’s not a problem, you’re on the way.
Great, that saves me 25 francs for a 5 minute drive (shoutout Lugano for being one of the most EXPENSIVE towns ever). In the car he thanked me for coming to dinner and asked if I enjoyed the night. I said I did and thanked him for treating me to everything, it was too generous.
N: You deserve it
He took my hand, kissed it, and said goodnight.
And that was it! He just dropped me at home. No weirdness, no awkwardness, no pressure.
When I got inside I texted him and thanked him again for the night and for the ride. After that I didn’t see him for like a month or two. He was traveling and when he was back, our schedules never lined up. He would write me every once in a while inviting me to meet up with him when he was out. We were coming into the summer months and that’s when the city really comes to life. Everyone is always outside.
N: I’m going to the pool with some friends, wanna come?
Me: Would love to but I already have plans :( Another time!!
…
Me: I’m going to Foce (the pop up bar area near the river that becomes the it spot of summer) tonight. If you’re around come by!
N: I just got home dear, staying in tonight
…
N: I’m going to the Lido (our lake beach spot) with Kevin, are you free?
Me: Sorryyy my cousin just got to town so I’m gonna be with her!
N: Don’t ever apologize. You’re loved by so many people, that’s why they come to visit you.
Etc, etc, etc…
We were playing text tag, but it was nice to be included and invited, even if I couldn’t go. After weeks of back and forth, we finally locked in a time to hang out. He had invited me to lunch at one of the Lido’s which has a big dock right on the lake. Amazing, amazing view and great summer vibe. I had agreed to it but I wasn’t being really realistic in the timing of my day. That was on me.
The night before I had hosted a bbq/ party at the rooftop of a family I used to babysit for when I was doing my masters. It’s literally gorgeous with lake an mountain views. Total tangent but this family is AWESOME and I consider them my American family here in Switzerland. The parents are incredible, the kids are INCREDIBLE, and they are overall life goals. The kids are pretty grown up now, but sometimes they’ll need someone to watch their dog if the whole family is traveling, and let’s just say they are extremely generous with their place. They insisted I took advantage of their rooftop and hot tub while they were away and said I could have friends over. Well, direct quote, “You can have a party if you want to. Enjoy the extra space.”
Yeah, goals.
But of course I had to restore the rooftop to pre party levels (with a mild hangover) and I was in no position to leave in the middle of the day and meet up for lunch. Thankfully, two heaven sent friends came over with breakfast and spent the next few hours helping me clean up. Then we spend the rest of the day in the hot tub.
Me: I have a ton of cleaning to do today, could we meet up a bit later? Early evening?
N: No rush, why don’t we just go for a drink after dinner then?
Me: Perfect !
He said he’d pick me up around 9 and we went to this very vibey cigar lounge called Havana Deck. It’s small, intimate, and overlooks the lake, which is always lit up with little dots at night.
I got a margarita as usual. Big mistake. Che schifo… disguising. From that moment forward I only ordered wine there.
Me: I’m really sorry I couldn’t make lunch, glad we could at least meet for drinks!
N: No need to be sorry. I’m just happy I could finally take you on a date.
…………….
hold up-
a what
date?
Me: ahah… ummm… (nervously laughing) is this what this is? A date?
N: What you didn’t know it was a date?
Me: No…. I didn’t
N: Of course it’s a date
Me: Well, you didn’t ask me! I thought we were just hanging out
Deadass I didn’t think it was a date.
N: (taking my hand) Okay, will you accompany me on this date?
Me: Sure… ahah I just really didn’t know
N: Listen I really like you. I think you’re smart and one of the most beautiful women I’ve met. And I really enjoy talking to you. Your brain is so sexy.
GIRLS- this is the second guy to say this to me, and I really don’t think it’s about me at all. I think guys are just evolving and thinking of more clever ways to flatter you beyond compliments about your appearance. But maybe I’m wrong, who knows.
Me: You know I love hanging out with you as a friend, I’m just not sure if there’s something more there for me.
N: It’s fine, I just love talking to you. It’s so refreshing. The way you think, the way you express yourself. In my industry I’m always surrounded by beautiful women, but it’s rare that someone can hold a conversation like you. In some ways, you think like a man. Let me clarify, you’re very feminine. The way you move… your eyes… But the way you think, it’s like a man.
Me: Whattt? What does that even mean?
N: You’re direct, you know what you want, you say what you mean. You know exactly what I’m talking about.
I did and I didn’t.
Me: Well, I just don’t want you to wait for something that might never happen. Or be upset if it doesn’t happen. I don’t know if my feelings will ever get there.
N: And I told you, if I can spend some good times with you, I’d consider myself lucky. And I would never ever be upset with you for that.
Me: Sure?
N: Spending time with you, talking to you, being around you… that’s the cake. If anything more happens, that’s the cherry on the cake.
N: … but I’m more than happy with just the cake.
Well damn, you can’t say he didn’t try.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Usually with dating, I’m pretty black or white. If I feel an attraction, I'm in; if not, I'm out. While I think there’s value in trusting your intuition, I've realized there’s also value of keeping an open mind. As long as there's honesty, mutual respect, and no pressure, exploring outside our usual preferences can lead to unexpected connections and experiences.
Leave some room for the unexpected.
