*Ryan, 37-Lust at First Sight
Pros:
Extremely hot
SO funny- exact same sense of humor
Went to Harvard
In law school now
Natural chemistry
Good kisser
Cons:
Always busy
Only single for 3 months
In a doggy divorce with his ex (unfinished business)
Ghosted me (Took my first L y’all)
Ryan was one of the first people I talked to on Bumble. He was wearing a tux in his photo, but not in a cringe way. He was clearly at an event and cropped out the guy next to him (I hate when guys pose for solo pics- it gives me the ick). What I got from his profile: 6’1, dirty blonde, perfect teeth (almost too perfect), Harvard, jumps out of planes and has dogs… on top of being super hot. It was a match. I had been on the app a day or two at the time and he was only the second guy that I found attractive and impressive.
I sent him the same prompt I send everyone: “Go to karaoke song?” Having to come up with different conversation starters for different people is way too much mental work. He said Bohemian Rhapsody- I said Bennie and the Jetsss. Off the bat the convo was flowing. I learned a little more about him- he was in the Navy for 10 years and is in Law school now. Hot AND smart!! Was he a catfish? Do people like this exist? He was just as impressed with me, my friend group, my travels…dished out just the right amount of compliments to be flattering and not creepy. It was the perfect first conversation. He went to bed and I continued my girls night.
The next morning (Saturday), I was hoping he would message me. Around noon he asked “Did you survive your girls night? I feel kind of invested.”
I said I did and my friend even made me waffles for breakfast! I sent him a pic of the waffles and said I don’t check the app that often if he wanted to text me instead.
I get a text: “Hey it’s Ryan from the app. No thanks on waffles. I’m good. Already ate. Nice of you to offer though (with the emoji with a bunch of hearts- what is that even called??). Anyway- I was SOLD. This guy has a sense of humor too?? I mean, really the whole package. We texted throughout the day while I ran errands. We talked about our past relationships, staying hopeful instead of jaded, both got in some good jokes. There was definitely a vibe going. We both acknowledged how natural it felt.
I joked about getting to know someone’s red flags early, and told him I’d tell him all of mine, but it would be easier to do it in person ;) The hint totally flew over his head because he responded “Yes. I agree. Not a smart play for us to just list what’s wrong with us before we meet lol. I’m kinda excited to see you :)”
Me: Hey…that was your cue to ask me out
(Hello- if you want something ask for it)
R: “Right. Yes. Would you like to go on a date with me in person in real life? Maybe tomorrow or Monday?” The way he talked was funny to me. So we decided to meet the next day (Sunday). I asked him to come to me in MD because:
I’m a lady
I’m a horrible driver
I don’t wanna get murdered by a stranger in a place I don’t know
R: “Fair enough. I’ve never killed in Bethesda so would be a first for me. I’m open to new things”
Me: “Fab!! Can’t wait to be on a true crime podcast”
R: ”Quickest way to celebrity status”
Me: “My bio did say here for a good time, not a long time!!”
The banter was on point. I was loving it.
The next day he asked if he could call me quickly to plan the day. I heard his voice for the first time and… again, HOT. I said I was about to do a little workout and was like BTW, whatever you saw in those pictures, add 10 pounds and that’s me now. The conversation was once again, funny and flirty, we picked the time and place. 5:30 at this Mediterranean restaurant, Melina, for cocktails.
This bring us to the date. (Is this blog long? Well, if you made it this far…)
I got there just a bit before him and grabbed a seat at the bar. I was a little nervous, because he was so funny and we vibed so well… but what if he looked nothing like his pictures? This was my first online date EVER- so I really didn’t know what to expect. He put his hand on my back and said hi….
HOLY F*************.
Thank you God. I don’t know what I did to get this lucky. After years of hearing horror stories from my friends about the weird guys they’ve met on these apps. The guys that go to the wrong place, show up in yellow rain coats, are unbelievably boring, and look nothing like their pictures. My first online date ever, looks just like his picture. No, better than the picture. Listen, it’s really not easy to impress me, so the times I am impressed… dear God.
I got up and gave him a hug. Amazing hugger. We immediately sat down and started talking. I ordered whatever tequila cocktail was on the menu, since that’s all I can drink, and he got the same. He was SO sweet, gave every compliment a girl wants to hear. While I was internally freaking out that this guy is on a date with me, he was saying he can’t believe I was there in the flesh and ~so pretty. He said the disclaimer I gave on the phone about gaining 10 pounds was crazy and I looked great. I said I hide it well, and joked that it’s okay because half of it went to my ass. *Fast forward through all the inappropriate jokes… but we definitely had the same sense of humor.
It sounds really lame, but I really felt like I knew him already. Not like I knew his soul blah blah, but like we were already friends. It just felt so comfortable. He said the same. I’m paraphrasing here but:
R: “I’m friendly enough to not go on a bad date. I don’t think anyone would leave a date with me and have a bad time. But for me a good date is when I feel like I can just be myself”
We talked about his dogs, he said that I would meet them. Told me about this 100 year old bath house in Detroit, his hometown, that I would love. He told me about how he got dumped 3 months ago and him and his ex still haven’t figured out if they should split up the dogs. Doggy divorce sounds terrible. As we keep talking, and laughing, and vibing, he pulls my chair a bit closer to his (faint). We start holding hands while we’re talking… normally I would feel SO WEIRD doing this the first time I meet someone. But it just felt natural. The date was going GREAT.
He said he had to go soonish to let his two dogs out. I asked if he had time for ice cream. My little cousins work at the ice cream place right next door so they always hook me up. We walked out of the restaurant and held hands… HELD HANDS!?!? ME?? Holding hands with a literal stranger…… usually ICK… but again, it felt nice. There was the longest line for ice cream and I could tell he did not have time to wait in it. Thankfully I hate lines and I know the teenagers serving ice cream (lol).
I flagged down my cousins best friend and told her to make me look cool. He picked a funfetti cookie sandwich with cookie dough ice cream… fantastic choice. She gave us two spoons, but as we walked around he fed me ice cream. Did I feel like I was in a movie? Yes. Do I romanticize everything? Also yes.
So I don’t know if it was the adrenaline or the second cocktail, but I don’t remember our first kiss. I know we kissed, and our teeth bumped into each other (yes awkward, but I always think that just means both people were smiling)… but I don’t remember where or when or how. I do remember our second kiss though because we sat down at a little table and kept talking. And we kept saying how this was such a great date. And we kissed again. This time our teeth did not bump into each other. He said he had a wedding next week and he’d see me when he gets back. He had to get going since his dogs were home alone. We kissed one more time and said goodbye. I was litttterally on cloud 9.
I got home and sat down for dinner. He had about a 40 minute drive to get back to Virginia. He texted me soon after I got home and told me how great the date was.
R: “Great kisser you are”
I mean… faint.
Anyway, that was the beginning of the end. He didn’t text me when he got back. I texted him and asked how the wedding went. I sent him a picture of the lamb roast and veggies I made for dinner (hasselback potatoes and beautiful colorful carrots). I was trying to subtly drop that I’m a great cook.
R: “Why does that strangely turn me on?”
Me: “Me or the lamb??”
R: “The big purple carrot”
The humor was literally perfect. We talked a bit more and he said it was “bedtime for this old man.” Was I turned off or on that he refers to himself as “old man”? I thought about it…
hot.
I texted him twice more. No I’m not usually that eager, but
I had a vacation coming up and wanted to see him again before I left.
I had just waxed, and every brown girl knows there’s like a 10 day window before I get prickly again #browngirlproblems. So yeah, I was lowkey pressed, I admit it.
He said he would get back to me on dates to hang out. And that was the last time I heard from him.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
No matter how good the date was, how well you vibe, it doesn’t guarantee anything. Don’t be pressed on one guy. If he wanted to, he would. Keep it moving!
