*Sebastián, 37- The Spaniard: Part 1
Pros:
Consent King
Gentleman
SO NICE
Patient
Respectful
Pro PDA
Affectionate
Great style
Same love languages
Cons:
Took some time to feel a connection
Language barrier
Okay, okayyy… I knoww…. You guys voted for the next blog to be Lisbon Lover part 3. I’ll get there, I promise.
But I did meet someone else before I saw Jamie again. Mind you- I never thought I would see Jamie again.
So let’s pick up where the last story left off…
I said bye to Jamie (rather anticlimactically), and Ubered to the train station to go visit my gorgeous platonic friend, Emilio. Off to Comporta I go for the next little segment of my trip! I’m thinking it’s gonna be chill as f*ck. After the last two days I had in Lisbon (wheww)… I could use a little beach bum time.
So Emi told me before I got there that he had to work the next day, but was free the rest of the week for us to hang. I’m like, totally fine- again, I wanna be an easy guest! I can keep myself occupied. He told me he was just a 10 minute walk from this really nice beach club called Sublime, and gave me directions. (I’m geographically challenged, but thankfully it was just 2 turns). In the morning I threw on my sun hat, my blue and white flowy dress (that I wear senza bra, low neck line, bc that’s my ~euro summer ~look), and head to Sublime.
Wow… this place is so chic. Love it.
Comprta totally has a bougie vibe… Upscale like Ibiza, but more laid back. It was like 2 pm and I was starvinggg. The restaurant was completely booked up, but they had bar seats free, so I sat down, ordered a spicy marg (is anyone surprised), and the most underwhelming salad of my life. I’ve never really minded eating alone, but it probably looks sadder watching me eat alone. There was this friend group to the left of me. All dressed in the coolest, effortless, boho chic outfits. They were older… mid 40’s, speaking Spanish…
Listen, I don’t speak Spanish, but I know when people are talking about me. They were half whispering to each other about the American eating alone. One woman finally leaned over to me:
”Excuse me, are you by yourself?”
I literally had salad in my mouth… I wasn’t expecting them to talk to me.
“Mmm.. (swallowing my food and nodding).. yes, I’m visiting a friend, but he’s working today. So I thought I would just come get some lunch and enjoy the beach!”
So I start talking with this woman, (turns out she’s Italian, so I start sprinkling in my very horrible Italian into the conversation lol), and she introduces me to her friends. There were three guys, and another woman. One of the guys was Italian, and the rest, from Spain. All super good friends, here in Comporta on holiday. Sebastian was the last one to introduce himself.
S: “Sebastian… (shook my hand) … Sorry, I don’t speak very good English”
Me: “That’s okay! Totally fine. Nice to meet you”
We didn’t really talk much more after that. He was quiet. Seemed chill, but I wouldn’t say he gave off the vibe that he was interested in me or anything. The host came up to them and told them their table was ready. They asked if I wanted to join them, but I said I didn’t wanna intrude (and I was already eating). They seemed kinda disappointed...
“You wouldn’t be intruding at all, we invited you!”
Me: Thank you, that’s very nice.. Umm.. why don’t I join you after for a cigarette? Is that okay?”
“Of course!! We’ll see you soon”
Hm…. okay.. fun new friends. Not the worst thing! I finished my super average salad and took my second marg over to the beach part of the restaurant. They called me over and pulled a chair for me.
“Wine?”
Me: Uhh… sure! A bit… why not…Thank you…
So I’m talking to everyone, this whole group of friends… but Sebastian is still so quiet. Not like in a mean way like he was ignoring me, (I’m sure it was just the language barrier), but he just seemed kind of… uninterested. Their food comes out and they offer me some. I’m like “of course not!! No, no, I just ate. I don’t want to impose on your meal.” I thought I was just gonna sit down for a cig and some conversation. They insisted. Before I knew it they were serving me a plate of fish and vegetables, topping off my glass of wine. Woah… the hospitality. (The fish was way better than my sad salad fyi).
There were two little dogs running around, and one sleeping under the table.
Me: “Whose dogs are those? They’re so cute.”
The Italian woman (we’ll call her Federica), tells me that they’re Sebastian’s. Basically his babies.
F: “He’s a reallllyyy good guy you know…”
Oh…… Ohhhhhhhh….. OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
How did I not see this before? I’m usually pretty clever about these things….
Wow, I’m an idiot. 5 friends. 3 guys. 2 girls. Two couples. And that leaves…… Sebastian.
Me: Oh yeah… He seems really nice
(I don’t know, I've said like 5 words to him...)
One of the other friends, (we’ll call him Juan), tells me that I’m welcome to come back to their villa to hang out for the afternoon.
Federica: “Juan has a beauifulllllll villa here. He built it himself. It’s very nice, you should come! Have a swim!”
Me: “Oh, that’s so nice, but I didn’t bring my swimsuit haha…” (I was just going to put my feet in the water and get lunch)
Juan: Okay, why don’t we stop at the villa, and then Sebastian can drive you to your friends house to pick up your swimsuit? Bring some clothes for dinner too.”
And the Academy Award for best supporting Actor goes toooooooooo……….. This whole friend group.
Damn, this is like a whole team effort.
Me: “ Nono, you don’t have to go out of your way for me”
Well….. they really made it clear it wasn’t a problem and they wanted me to come, so… I agreed. Curious to see this villa anyway. (So FYI- if you ever wanna kidnap me, just tell me there’s a beautiful villa with a pool and I will willingly get in your van… jkjk).
I texted Emi while I had wifi, and told him I made some friends and was going to their place (trying to a be a little safe about it).
Emi: “Lol… so typical, okay have fun. Keep me posted on your movements. Use their phone if you need to communicate”
We love a supportive friend that cares about our safety! Oh, and did I mention.. Emilio is f*ucking hot too.
Anyway, we grab the doggies and head towards the car. I quickly stop at the bar to close out my tab. The bartenders like, “It’s closed” and nods over to Sebastian. Huh? Closed?….
S: It’s paid, let’s go. (He was smiling, and relaxed)
Woof.
When men just take initiative like that……….MMMmmmMMMmmmMMMM!!!! (Green flags, green flags, green flags)
We get to the car, and it’s like this really fun open air Jeep. Oh my God… the wind is blowing through my hair, the sun is shining, I’m holding this cute little dog in my arms… Is this heaven!??
Everyone gets out of the Jeep besides me and Seb. He was gonna drive me to Emillio’s house to pick up my stuff. Okay… you know how I told you guys I was geographically challenged…. I only knew the two turns to get from Emi’s house to the beach club. I’m like totally disoriented now. I ask Seb if we can go back to the beach club and I can retrace my steps from there. He’s like “yes of course.”
………………………………..
Turns out I couldn’t retrace my steps as easily as I thought I could. The beach club was only a 10 minute walk. That means it’s like a 3 minute drive. We were driving around for like 20 minutes. Up and down the street... I kept thinking I would recognize the turn!! I did not recognize the turn……
Oh my God, I’m like super embarrassed.
Me: “Sorryyyy… Do you hate me ahaha”
S: “No, I get to be with you.. it’s not a problem”
Aww.. cute. He’s sweet. He really is sweet. I feel like I actually got to look at him more while he was driving. At the beach club, I was just talking to everyone else, so I wasn’t really looking at him. He’s handsome. Dark curly hair, a little salt and pepper, green eyes. In some angles, he kind of looks like McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy. I’ll be honest, there wasn’t an immediate attraction, but he was good looking.
After 20 minutes, I accepted defeat and asked if I could use his phone to call Emillio. I was literally right there, right next to the house!! I just didn’t recognize it lol. (In my defense, I got in the night before and only saw it quickly when I left in the morning). So I run in, grab my swimsuit, an outfit for dinner, and come back to the car as fast as possible. I felt bad for already burning so much of his time.
Me: Thanks for being so patient and not getting annoyed with me!
S: Annoyed? (he rubbed my shoulder)… You’re so beautiful, it’s a pleasure
I’ve said it before… flattery works on me LOL. I wish it didn’t but it does. (What does that say about my ego).
We head back to the villa…. and oh. my. God.
It was gorgeous.
The house looked like it came straight out of an Architectural Digest magazine. So earthy, yet modern. Lined with lavender plants. The most stunning pool. Rustic, beachy decor. I’m in love. This house came straight out of my dreams. Okay- back to the guy.
S: There’s an amazing view, I want to show you
Okay… he pours us both a glass of tequila on ice (this is gonna be rough lol) and leads me to a ladder. I follow him up… there’s these two chairs and this breathtaking view of the sun hitting the rice paddy fields. I didn’t even know there were rice paddy fields in Comporta.
S: Those fields are private, no one is allowed to drive through them. But since we have the house here, we have permission to go… If you want we can go tomorrow
Me: Um… that sounds amazing, yes. I’d love that.
I sat down on one of the chairs and just took in the view. I was actually just taking in everything. How did I get here? Is this reality?
He sat on the other chair and lit a cigarette. (He smokes a lot). At this point I’m like…. okay, it’s just a matter of time before he makes a move…. eeehhh.. do I want to? Am I into this?
But he was such a consent king.
S: Are you okay here?
Me: Yeah, I’m great
S: Are you happy?
Me: Yes, of course
S: I want to kiss you… Can I?
…..
*Small tangent to help my fellow guy readers out: Usually I’m like a passionate crazy person, who’s like, just grab me and kiss me (if I’m giving the signs I’m into it). BUT, if it’s not totally clear and obvious, if there’s even a little bit of doubt- better to ask. This is a general tip, not a hard rule, so please read the room and use your judgment: If my both my feet and ~chest are pointed toward you… generally… I’m into it. If one is but not the other… not into it. (Ex. If I’m in an elevator and my feet are pointed forward but my chest is turned to you because we’re talking or whatever… I’m probably not into it. If both are pointed toward you… maybe we have a fun elevator make out, you know?)
Anyway… I thought it was really cute he asked. He was a gentleman.
I kinda smirked and nodded. He put his hand on my face and kissed me… so gentle.. so tender.. so sweeeeeet.
He was super happy, lit another cigarette and told me he was going for a swim. I told him I would stay up there a while and join in a bit.
“Let’s leave for dinner at 10?”
Cool… eating on Spanish time. I got out of the pool and asked if I could take a shower before dinner. Seb is like “Of course, I’ll show you where. Do you have everything you need?” My God, he’s so f*cking nice…
And then……….
eeeehhh…. he asked me if I wanted to stay over.
Me: Umm… I, uhhh… I’m a sloww person. I really take some… time….
He was just staring at me… I think he wasn’t really getting what I was saying.
Me: I just don’t feel comfortable sleeping with people so fast. (Okay I know I just went through the entire f*ucking Kama Sutra with Jamie, but that was an exception.)
S: Oh, that’s okay. I just like you, would be nice to sleep next to you … nothing more.
Okay, I know no means no, and it should be enough… but I kinda just blurted out “And I’m also on my period.. so…..”
I don’t know.. add a little razzle dazzle to my rejection.
He looked at me, so concerned, rubbed my arm in the most comforting way, and was like “But it’s fine… it’s completely natural.. it’s normal”
Oh my God that backfired. He was so nice about it. But I should have known… I haven’t actually come across a guy over the age of 25 that actually even cares about that. Regardless, he was very sweet.
Me: Okay… let me think about it.
He took me to his guest house to take a shower. I really knew very little about him still. There was a huge language barrier so there was a lot I didn’t know. I was kind of going off of my observations and feeling the vibe. I walk into the room and notice a few things. His clothes were beautifully hung up- and they were nice. (Anyone that knows me knows I die for a well organized closet). He has a fun accessory collection of bracelets, sunglasses, and watches. And he has a Louis Vuitton luggage set. Okay, cool…. I still don’t know what he does though… like… for a living. Whatever, I’ll ask later.
I get ready for dinner, and he showerssss me in compliments. Half of them in Spanish, but we love anyway. God he is so nice, but I just felt like there was this emotional block I couldn’t get past. Seb is amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. Kind and genuine and lovely. Maybe it’s because I just had this whole whirlwind with Jamie? I don’t know… I feel like it’s rare to experience that kind of thing once, am I really going to experience it twice? Back to back?
Anyway, we all congregate on the patio to take a shot before dinner. Ah this friend group is so fun! They also all looked like characters from the show Money Heist. Or ~Casa de Papel if you wanna be Spanish about it. We go to this restaurant, Jacaré, which is this trendy spot in the town center. Good cocktails, average food. Fantastic ambiance though. Which I feel like is the norm with these super bougie places. Anyway, despite our res being for 10, they didn’t actually seat us until 11. So I guess the Portuguese run even later than the Spanish! Everyone was really chill about it, we got a small table outside and ordered drinks. Of course the whole friend group whipped out their cigarettes. We were all talking, sharing stories, laughing… I feel like I was getting to know all of them better. And actually, I was finally getting to know Seb better.
He’s very affectionate. Very touchy. I love it. I only realized that physical touch was one of my love languages this year! (That and words of affirmation). I find it reassuring. I realized I love PDA. Some people hate it- totally fine, it’s not for everyone. But, I love it. And I’m not gonna be apologetic about it either. 8 billion people in the world and you choose one. Yeah, be obsessed with me and let me be obsessed with you. Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker vibes. Idc Idc! While everyone was talking, he was always caressing my knee, running his fingers up and down my leg, and my absolute favorite…. my weakness.. the ankle hold. (Have you guys seen those memes of Jay-Z holding Beyonce’s ankle courtside of every basketball game?)
Oh, oh oh oh oh ohh….. Okay, I could be into this. Sometimes someone just has to do something to make you see them in a different light… and this was the thing for me. I was watching his hands on my leg, and was actually curious about all his bracelets. He had a few layered on. So I asked him.
Me: What are all these bracelets?
S: Oh… I’m very, uh, what’s the word? Supersticioso…
Me: Superstitious?
He explained what each of the bracelets were. One was made out of elephant hair for good luck. One was made from the spine of a black mamba for protection. Etc. Etc. He had an interesting relationship with animals. He respected them, was quite spiritual about them… but he was also a big time hunter. (Before you come for him, if you’re a meat eater, pls check your hypocrisy at the door thx!) It’s not like I love hunting. I have my own thoughts on it. But I was willing to hear about it from him.
He was showing me photos and videos of his hunts. They’re really intense- like 30 day treks in the mountains of Kazakhstan in below freezing temperatures. Oh and those tiny little dogs. That look so innocent… They can smell blood from miles away!! Yes, they go on the hunts too. Obviously I had a lot of follow up questions.
Me: Don’t you get cold? If it’s below freezing and windy?…
S: Yes it’s cold but we have protective clothing…
Me: What do you do with the animals after you hunt them? Do you eat them? Can you eat them??
S: Of course we eat them. We would not waste the animal like that. Then we ship the head back to Madrid for my house. It’s something we do in our family, so we keep our trophies.
He showed me the video of his apartment. Told me ~when I visit Madrid that I would see it in person.
Me: Is there anything you wouldn’t hunt?
S: I care that the animal is not… (he searched for the world)… endangered? I also don’t like the kind of hunting where the animal is out in the open. It’s not a challenge.
Okay, everything he’s saying is totally fine for me. I don’t hate it. I’m also the most carnivorous person ever. I love meat. I think if you’re gonna eat it, better to eat something that’s lived it’s best life in the great outdoors first. Can’t be mad at that. It’s also giving hot hunter-gatherer zaddy vibes. Hm… all of a sudden, I’m feeling kinda turned on by this conversation. Maybe it’s something primal like knowing a man can provide. Or if there was like a zombie apocalypse or something, I’d be okay if I was with him.
We finally got seated for dinner… we were all cozied up next to each other. Two peas in a pod. I was warming up to him. I still wouldn’t say it was to the extent of the comfort level I felt with Jamie, but I was thawing out. Jamie was great, but he was also a fling, I had to keep myself open to other things. Even if it didn’t come so naturally to me. Seb was kissing me every chance he got. He was like radiating happiness.
S: So… will you come stay with me tonight?
Well, I don’t know if it was the ankle grab, the hunter zaddy vibe, or just that he was an incredibly kind consent king.. but I was really starting to lean towards staying. I looked around at his wonderful group of friends, who were so funny and warm and welcoming with me. Thought about that pool that I definitely would not mind having a morning swim in….
Mmmm… f*ck it.
TO BE CONTINUED…..
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
You can’t let one really good connection stop you from being open to others. Maybe it will develop into something, maybe it won’t, but you won’t know unless you try.
