*Gabe, 33- Three Strikes and You’re Out
Pros:
Attractive
Extremely fit
Active
Successful
Good initial chemistry
Loves traveling and food
Effortless conversation
Cons:
Inconsistent texter
Not respectful of my time
Asks for too many chances
Needs too much “me” time
Let’s get back to our roots, shall we? A good old online date is long overdue.
And this was a true, ONLINE date. We met online (on hinge), texted a bunch, and had our first date… on facetime.
THESE ARE MODERN TIMES PPL.
Okay so…
Gabe.
Gabe, Gabe, Gabe.
To start, just to give you a picture, Gabe looked a whole lot like Elijah from Vampire Diaries.
Do I even need to give the description or is it obvious?
(tall, brown hair, fit, bla bla blaaaa -I’m so predictable).
His first picture was him on a safari (I think?). He looked handsome. Very tall, and masculine. Nice hair, eyes and smile. Oh, and great jawline. I mean he really looks like Elijah Mikaelson.
Next pic- biking. In a desert? I mean it wasn’t a city I’ll tell you that. It was somewhereee… in the middle of nowhere. Sporty, adventurous, fit…. I’m intrigued.
Next pic!
Smash, next question. (British accent).
Jk…
Hmmm.. him and a friend at.. a lake? A river? Whatever- a natural body of water, standing on some big rocks. Shirtless… in swimsuits. An… 8-pack?? Who has the time!? Honestly, not even really my type (you know, female gaze), but I’m not complaining. Anyway his smile is nice. He seems genuinely happy, active.
Job: Self employed
Hmmmm… That’s either really cool or a red flag.
Interests….
What is this guy into? Let me investigate….
-Running
-Biking
-Hiking
Shocker…
-Traveling- woo!
-Cooking- woo!!
Height: 190 cm (6’3)
I’ve seen enough. You Mr. Gabe are letting liked back.
Gabe: Hi Nayomi! How’s Lugano treating you?
Standard who are you / what do you do convo. And well, he’s everything but boring.
He’s half Swiss, half Argentine. And turns out he owns a luxury travel company that operates in South Africa and a few other African countries. Lived there for 7 years, moved back to Zurich to be near his parents.
Shut up, don’t play with me—y’all KNOW from the Carter Group date how much I want to go to South Africa. Imagine me dating a guy who literally owns a travel company?? Multi-day Safari and glamping? Yes please!
The convo flowed effortlessly. We covered everything from F1 Monaco, my family in the US, his move back, and future travel plans. Eventually he asked for my number and we moved to WhatsApp.
Gabe: Hey :) this is much better, i’ll respond over here… congrats on making it to gp in monaco, how as the experience?
Gabe: you definitely have the right countries on your bucket list, all of them are amazing for different reasons… and i would definitely add namibia to that list too, one of my absolute favorites!
Gabe: are your parents living in maryland? do you have any siblings?
Of course I told him about meeting Connor McGreggor at the Tag Heuer Yacht party and watching the race from the above the hairpin (once in a lifetime experience). He has a lot of stories to share, but I do too. Two people that love to travel and do cool things- I just know this would be a fun person to talk to.
(Me responding to adding Nambia to my Bucket list)
Me: i’m sure there’s lots of places to add to my list. definitely want to talk it over with you. i’m usually the one in my friend group who’s doing all the researching and planning so… will be nice to talk to someone that can fill me in for once 😂
We kept talking… I told him about my family and he told me about his. Parents, siblings, older or younger? what they do… we were deep in conversation. He was always asking questions, wanted to know more, and was super open on his side as well. The conversation was flowing pretty smoothly. Then it took about a 2 hour pause (totally fine, people have lives).
Gabe: i just got off the bike, rode to my parents’ place for dinner… my friends roped me into iron man next weekend so i am trying to get some volume in 😅
Me: oh, casual iron man.. no big deal 😌
We jumped right back into the conversation.
(Him responding to me about how I’m always the one planning trips)
Gabe: i am the same, i always plan adventures for everyone but i love it! definitely have lots of stories to share 🤓
Oh yes we do! Also a man that plans… Mmmm… YES.
… Guys… we talked.. a lot.
A lot, a lot… I’m lowkey getting bored reading back these texts because we were literally sending paragraphs back and forth and responding to things that we said 5 messages before and it was just… a mess. A good mess, but a mess. And to save us all time and energy I’m gonna summarize them even more than I’ve already done, but I’ll keep the fun flirty parts that will actually be interesting to read. I wanted ChatGPT to do this for me bc I didn’t feel like doing a book report on this fine Sunday evening but even ChatGPT said it couldn’t extract my screenshots properly so I gave up and now how to summarize them manually (eyeroll).
To be clear- I was NOT bored, in the moment when I was texting him. The opposite, I was super into it. SUPER excited. I thought everything he was saying was interesting and I wanted to know more. But who tf wants to read paragraphs and paragraphs of texts? I mean if it’s juicy gossip maybe. Anyway this went on for 3 days.
Convo topics:
June 2nd:
How our days are going
Him going on a hike, bike and a run, all in one day
Our jobs
F1 monaco
He recommended I go to Nabmia
He’s training for an iron man and “needs to move 1X a day or else [he’s] a nightmare to deal with”.
He’s very committed to his gym community and they do things together outside of the gym. Like iron man, and last year, a 500km ride through the Namibian desert. (I guess we know where that hinge pic came from now)
What our parents and siblings do for work
How our parents like to travel and are retired. I said that’s goals.
I sent him some pictures of my parents and said they were the OG travelers. He said they look happy and cute and that’s the real life goal. (cute)
Health of our parents
Good food & health
Mediation
Visiting my friends in Jordan
June 3rd:
More health convos
Universe, karma
His last trip before Covid was to Sri Lanka, he loved it. Talked about his trip. He likes spicy food.
Me visiting my friends in Sri Lanka that had a baby
Friends with kids
How our days were going
He went for a run
Him asking me more questions about my friends that live in Jordan
Gabe: our messages are getting out of control... i mean in a good way ☺️ but it would be really nice to have these chats in person, just putting it out there... maybe we can make a plan sometime soon!
I agree Gabe, our messages are getting out of control!
And yess! He’s interested in meeting in person?! I am too! Clearly we are vibing.
June 4th was a light conversation day. He was training for his iron man and had deadlines.
But I coined my ~flirty nickname for him.
Me: Hi superman 😂 I agree these conversations would be so much better in person. too many things to talk about and I selfishly haven’t gone on a good date in a long time ☺️
I also told him about my weekend babysitting plans.
Gabe: sorry i’ve not been super responsive, lots of training and a big deadline today morning… plus there is the actual event next week so i am not sure how soon we will be able to meet in real life… unless you wanna go on a trip north of the alps. how about we connect over video call instead and just chat to begin with? i’m really curious to put a face and voice to our chats ☺️
June 5th:
Me: oh man I can’t keep catfishing you
Me: just kidding! just got home from work (sent a ~classic Nay elevator mirror selfie in my matching mini skirt, blazer and boots).
Gabe: oh god… i don’t think i would have coped with you as my babysitter 🫠
Me: but for sure we can do a video call! I kinda don’t wanna lose touch before we get a chance to finally meet! normal people are hard to come by 😂
Me: and i’m all for a spontaneous trip north of the alps but I have a friend visiting this week and staying with me through the weekend so I have to be here
(Ya’ll know if my friend wasn’t visiting me my ass would be on a mountain north of the alps)
Gabe: well the problem is that we are not aiming for normal 😂 but i know what you mean and i definitely don’t wanna lose touch either before we even managed to meet. how is your day looking like tomorrow?
Gabe: i am sure we will work something out! going for a quick run now, chat later 🏃♂️
Me: okay, i’m getting my cardio in by mopping my floors and putting a clean duvet cover on 🥵 pray for me 😜 have a good run 😉
Did I overdo it with the emojis??? Looking back… maybe?? Probably. That last one was overkill. But… as you all know I’m a very ~expressive writer. Even when I’m texting lol. Whatever.
Gabe: thank you, run was good but very hot 😅
He sent me a sweaty post run pic. Nothing vulgar, just a cute smiling picture.
I had just gotten out of the shower after my “workout” and sent him a smiling pic back.
Me: Consider this my official anti-catfish submission!
Gabe: (responding to my changing my duvet cover as cardio text. Which btw, I 100% consider an entire CrossFit workout) haha i am not sure we can call that cardio… but i hope your duvet cover is okay!
Me: i have other means of getting my cardio in 😜
Nayomi you little ~naaasty gal!!
I mean I’m kiddingggg, come on!! (smug face… hehe)
Gabe (responding to my pic):🫠🫠🫠 there was no need for a submission… but i’ll still take it!
Gabe: and this time you didn’t cover up the best part… you really have a beautiful smile!
Gabe (responding to my cardio text): haha i’ll trust you on that… you’ll need it when i chase you across the swiss alps 😂
Me:☺️
Me: I think I might just let you catch me 😛
OH MY GOD I LOVE FLIRTING. I love it.
Gabe: haha it will be more fun if you don't make it too easy for me 😇
Me: well in that case i’ll run circles around you
Damn… I’m good. I’m a seasoned professional. This is my Super Bowl.
Gabe:: i can’t!
Gabe: you never told me how your day is looking like tomorrow?
Me: oh yeah! tomorrow I have a quick apero after work and then i’m home for the night
Me: should be back by 8ish
*Take notes ppl.
…
Me: are you stalking my gram 😜
Gabe: haha no on the phone with a friend, that's why my messages are coming in bits and pieces 🙈
Gabe: but i did add you and will probably stalk you later 😂
Gabe: which is totally your fault btw... you gave me appetite for more!
Me: ahaha had to keep you interested until we meet!
Gabe: haha i won't lose interest. but not because of your pic 😘 i just wish you didn't have friends over. and i didn't have iron man this weekend. and i didn't need to travel next week 🙈
I’m no tennis player… Okay I’ve actually never played tennis, but- REGARDLESS- this is what I imagine it feels like to have an amazing rally. A rally? That’s what it’s called right? Okay I texted my friend Anna who is a tennis player and she confirmed. When you hit the ball back and forth. Anyway, when the flirting is so good, both sides are giving it back to each other… ah, it’s just so, so good. And so fun!
Okay we kept texting about a bunch of things but I’m gonna streamline it for all of our sakes. We talked about our future plans/ travel plans and when we would eventually both be available.
Gabe: so we are 6 guys doing iron man together and two of them are arriving from abroad on wednesday, i'm hosting them so i can't travel this week... if i do travel next week it will be monday - sunday so by june 19 i'll be back and available. leaves us with 10 days before you are leaving!
Me: okay so let’s tentatively plan for weekend of the 23rd? that works right ?
Gabe: would be perfect for me :) i actually prefer a weekend so we have no rush and don't need to deal with work...
…
Me: i love how efficient that was. my planner brain is like 🤤😂
Gabe: haha that was very efficient indeed!
Me: so generally I don’t really get upset easily at all. i’m pretty easygoing.. but a pet peeve is definitely when people can’t plan in advance 😂 (laugh emoji) I don’t need to have every detail planned but I like to generally have things booked/ blocked off
*Take notes ppl.
Gabe: haha that's good to know 🙄 how about being spontaneous and going away for the weekend with no plans at all?
Hmm.. reading this back, why didn’t I clock that eyeroll. Should have checked him for that.
Me: oh 100% i’m all for spontaneous adventures. i love them
Me: (i just mean if im waiting for other people to commit to plans while i have other plans pending and then it kind of puts everything on hold)
*Take notes ppl.
I gently set my boundary and said that I do not like when my life/ plans are put on hold, waiting for someone.
Gabe: that's good to know, can't do without spontaneous adventures :)
Me: it’s what keeps life interesting !!
We kept texting a bit, kept it light and flirty, and eventually said goodnight.
Me: anyway.. i’ll let you stalk me in peace before you go to bed 😋
Gabe: haha thank you 😂
Gabe: sleep sweet and chat tomorrow!
Me: woo virtual date 🍾
Me: night, talk to you tomorrow 😘
Gabe (responding to my virtual date text): yes 🌹
Gabe: night night 😘
June 6th:
The next day I texted him after work. Even though we didn’t have an exact set time for our call, I said I’d be free by 8 and I was running late, so I wanted him to know.
Me: hi! I finished work a bit late so got to my apero just a bit ago. Can we do after 8:30 ☺️🙏🏽(smiley face emoji, prayer hands emoji)
Gabe: hey hey ☀️ (sun emoji) how is your day going?
Me: day was good! lots of reading 🤓(glasses emoji) I’ll tell you more tonight !
Gabe: can’t wait! only thing is, i had a bit of a change in plans, my mum called and i need to go see her friend who is looking after our dog, i don’t think i’ll be back before 9:30pm so no rush… hope that works for you?
Me: yes no problem at all 😘 hope everything’s fine
I’m flexible!
Gabe: all good, i was just supposed to check in and bring some of the stuff that was left behind but she cooked a full blown dinner for me so i can’t bail… i’ll text you when i’m on the way home… hope you enjoy your apero 😘 (8:29 pm)
Me: so sweet!!
2 hours later, he texted me back.
Gabe: i am SO sorry… i expected a quick in and our but she cooked a full on dinner with starters, a grilled fish and desert 🙈 (10:25 pm)
Gabe: i am on the way home now, hope it isn’t too late yet for a glass of wine (or a tea) and a chat?
Me: that sounds amazing honestly. i’m glad you had a good dinner!!
I was chill AF. I mean of course he was gonna take a while to eat dinner. I’m a reasonable person…
Me: no definitely not too late! i’m actually just cooking now… embarrassingly late. I introduced my colleague who’s new in town to some of my friends and didn’t eat dinner so.. you can keep me company while I cook/eat 😅 dinner date? 😜
Gabe: sounds great ✨ i’ll text you as soon as i get home, in about 15 minutes!
Me: okay no problem!
Yayyyyy!! This is perfect. I can show him how I throw down in the kitchen. I’m… a pretty good cook. I was super excited to finally meet him and talk face to face.
CUE DANCING IN THE KITCHEN SCENE>>>
Oh yeahhhh…… music UP, vibes UP. I got a virtual date OOooOoOOoo!
I was whipping up an ~authentic pasta carbonara. I was crackin those eggs, mixing those yolks. Grating that parmesan. By the time I started frying my guancale, I thought he’d call…
Whatever, he said about 15 minutes. There’s definitely a grace period.
The thing about carbonara is.. it’s both an easy and a difficult dish. There are only a few ingredients, a few steps… but, but, it is a dish that requires a lot of attention and care.
If you mess up the timing… you’re f*cked.
So I finished cooking and stood there with my gorgeous carbonara staring back at me.
Of course I started eating.
15 minutes passed… then 20.. then 30.
Is this guy really not going to call me? AFTER ALL THAT??
40 minutes… 50 minutes… I was fuming.
Gabe: sorry just got a call… can i video call you now?
Oh, you MUTHERF*CKER IM GONNA FCK YOU UP
Of course I didn’t say that out loud. That was just in my head. But I was upset. I felt extremely disrespected. And I think rightfully so!
Deep breaths…
Me: hey, like I said i’m pretty easygoing but an hour is a long time to keep someone waiting 😅 probably should have told me it was gonna be longer than 15-20
Buzz buzz buzz- he’s calling me.
I did not answer.
Gabe: i know… i am really sorry tonight didn’t work out as planned.
Gabe: my business partner called me, we are busy closing a round and discussing t&cs, i couldn’t cut him off 😕
Gabe: but i obviously understand where you are coming from, i am really really sorry to stand you up!
Me: it’s okay things happen, i’m super super understanding
Me: i texted you letting you know I was gonna be late. I just expect the same respect back you know!
Me: not mad… but I have a standard for myself and I wanna make that clear from the get go
Boom. Masterclass in calm, firm, communication and setting boundaries. Now if only I can keep them… This is all a process for me. I’m getting SO much better at advocating for myself and therefore, so much better at dating. (I guess if you have a different personality you could have also crashed out in response to being stood up but… I think having tact is always best).
Anyway-
Gabe: i really understand, you shouldn’t have to explain any of this!
Me: okay call me while I put away my leftovers 😛
(honestly I didn’t have any leftovers. That was just my slight jab that I had cooked and even finished eating before he called me. Leftover carbonara is shit.)
He called again….. and this time, I answered.
He was laying on the couch, head on a pillow. The first thing he did was apologize again. I said I appreciated it but I was anyway excited to get to know him better. He told me about his guilty pleasure that he has every night. Lemon ice cream and…. olive oil? A special olive oil that he has imported. Apparently it’s mind blowingly good. I was skeptical.
Me: Allllright… I won’t knock it till I try it.
Gabe: When you come visit you’ll try
We talked and talked, and I don’t know how we still had so much to talk about even after everything we texted about. He told me more about the other companies he has, (honestly I can’t remember anything besides the travel company) but the other ones were very different.. like… finance (?) related? Or something… I can’t remember.
I told him about what I was most excited about for the summer and we just kept rolling into new topics. The whole thing was effortless, fun, and very, very vibey. 2 hours flew by and it was almost 2 am. We both had to get to sleep. After our call, he texted me.
Gabe: so much for an early night 🙈 it was really nice speaking to you and hearing your story… sleep sweet!
Me: Really really good first virtual date. looking forward to more… passing out now. Night G 😘
Gabe: How are you still awake 🙈 Me too, i really enjoyed our virtual date experience but i’m def ready to move on to real life… Night night 😘
AHHHHHHHHH… ready to move on to real ~~~life??? Butterflies. I mean… I think we can all agree that went well??
Maybe you’re one of those people that’s like “Nay.. chill. It was one good date. Don’t get over excited.” And to those people, I say…. guys I’m just not a nonchalant person. I’m VERY chalant. Yes I’m aware that’s not really a word. It’s just not in my nature. I wish I was a “chill” person who didn’t have child-like innocence and excitement but I DO. Does this leave me extremely vulnerable and my feelings very exposed to get hurt? yes. Am I gonna change that about myself? no. Do I just wish a angelic man would fall from heaven and never disappoint me?
obviously.
But here we are. One facetime date later, and I cannot wait to meet him.
From the 7th of June to the 13th, we texted every day. I sent him updates while my friend visited, he filled me in on his training and how his race went, etc. But I could sense it was kind of fizzling. Less frequent texts, less enthusiasm. When we did text, it was still sweet and nice, but… idk something just felt off. I didn’t wanna jump to any conclusions bc.. maybe he’s actually just busy training for his iron man. But deep down we all know… that’s bullshit. If people want to talk to you, they make time. I was kind of chill about it. I was getting better at sensing when things were fizzling and managing my expectations.
June 13th
I responded to his update about his race, and… honestly I was over this back and forth texting. Are we gonna do another call or meet anytime soon or we just wasting our time? I decided to just be direct and ask.
Me: interested in an ice cream date this week? might be a better convo than playing message tag 😂
June 14th
I’m not trying to be like the New York Times and cherry pick texts, but we were still talking about the race and how he threw up but still finished bla bla blaaaa… so I’m gonna just keep it to the relevant texts.
Gabe: to be honest, i have been really struggling with this... but i am a bit hesitant about our distance. last year i was dating a girl from milan and the distance became a real issue, even if it was only 3 hours. i really liked your profile, and liked you even more after our call, but i am really not sure if we want to get ourselves into this 😕
Eyerolllllll…. Oh my god, okay, so why are we still doing this??? lmao
Me: I appreciate the honesty and if you’re having reservations I of course accept that
Gabe: I am really sorry… I know that’s not what you were expecting to hear. But i didn’t want to meet you without discussing this concern first.
Okayyyy why’s he making it sound like I’m gonna be devastated? I’m not. I mean bummer but… I’ll be over this my noon tomorrow. You know the best part about getting excited about someone quickly? I can be excited over someone else just as fast.
Me: nono i have a pretty good intuition 😜I felt it coming
Me: Well I don’t want to be the one to force you or convince you of anything. I really do get it. I really think you’re interesting and smart and impressive and I was pretty excited about you. It’s not often I find people that are on that level, so for me it wasn’t a huge concern. at least not at the beginning when we are still getting to know each other. But if it’s not something you are genuinely excited to explore more, I’m also okay with that. I obviously think you’re amazing but I know my value too so .. I won’t push it ☺️
Showing you my texts are all fun until it’s my cringey texts and I’m all of a sudden wishing I wasn’t such a reliable narrator.
Gabe: i am genuinely excited about you… which doesn’t happen often either. but i am not excited about the distance and i felt i needed to bring it up now. there is MANY things i liked about you, you are obviously gorgeous and sweet but also very, very intelligent on an emotional level. i really appreciated how polite but assertive you were when i messed up with the time… you were determined but very kind at the same time.
Gabe: even though the situation wasn’t great, i felt it set a good benchmark for how we should communicate… and therefore i am bringing up my concern now and not three months later.
Slay. This is GREAT for me and my own personal development. Me standing up for myself and setting my boundaries wasn’t just accepted—it was respected and even seen as a positive strength in my communication.
…. blablabla more texting…
Gabe: well i think i paid you enough compliments for one night so i won’t repeat how i feel about you… i would love to meet the person behind the screen but the distance is a concern to me so it’s good we talked about this.
Gabe: isn’t it way past our bedtime… i’m getting ready for bed 🙈
Me: haha hey i’m not the one that exclusively messages after 11:30 😜 I can tell you already that I hate that.
Me: okay, but like I said, don’t feel forced! and if the concerns outweigh the excitement then just let me know ☺️
Gabe: i never said this… but i would if it did!
Me: I am excited to meet in person… let me know if you’re still traveling this weekend
Gabe: I might only travel on Monday but i’ll let you know tomorrow!
Gabe: sleep sweet 😘
Me: okay G, glad we talked about this. way past bedtime 😴 night 😘
Gabe did not let me know tomorrow. (LOL)
Mmmm.. K!
June 28th
Yes, June 28th- 2 weeks exactly from the last time we spoke… My tentative hang out day with Gabe had come and gone. (was it supposed to be the 23rd?)
Gabe: hello ☀️ how have you been? i was traveling last week and just got back to zurich… i needed a bit of a break and me time but i’ve been thinking of you and would love to give this another. promise i’ll be texting you long before 10:30 🙈
Hmmmmmmmmm………………………………
Do I respond? Do I not? I have mixed feelings about it.
Me: hi, i’ve been pretty good. been spending a lot of time in the lake. I get it, I was also in need of some me time. mmmm honestly not so sure about this but… sure you can text me and let’s see where it goes. I won’t be holding my breath though 🤪
July 2nd
I had gone to Cinque Terre with two girlfriends for a long weekend. I just assumed this whole thing was over. I got ghosted, okay, whatever. Did it kill my vibe? Of course not! I was making fresh pesto, hopping around different Italian villages, eating insanely good seafood, swimming in the sea, meeting new people, just having the BEST time with my friends. We were on the train back to Lugano when Gabe came back from the dead!
Gabe: hey! how are you? hope you had a nice weekend? haha not sure if you were joking or not, you really sound excited about giving this another try…
Gabe: i guess there is only one way to find out! maybe we can have another chat and make a plan to meet in person?
Gabe: that will be much nicer than texting over here…
Gabe: i was in the mountains and off the grid for a long weekend, sending you a few pics :)
He sent me a bunch of mountain pics. I didn’t respond. I had to think about it. Do I wanna open this door again? Ugh- I hadn’t matched with someone interesting in a loooong time. Maybe he’s a bad texter but if we talked on the phone again it would be better? … eh…
When I got home at night I finally texted back.
Me: hey! I actually just got back from cinque terre. was there for the long weekend.
Gabe: (sarcastically) usually i don’t respond after 10:30pm but i’ll make an exception for you tonight…
Me: I was half joking… honestly I was pretty excited to meet before, but we did have a plan to meet and you ghosted so… kinda fair that my expectations aren’t very high
Gabe: yes i totally understand where you are coming from… but my intention has never been to ghost you but i was traveling (to sweden) and then needed a bit of me time 💆♂️
…
Me: okay well.. maybe i can explain to you in person how ghosting works 😜 jk but yes.. i’m in for another chat
Gabe: haha please do, i can’t wait for that 🤪
We talked a bit about our trips and then logged off for the night.
July 3rd
The next morning he texted me. Oh? are the tides changing??!
Gabe: hey hey ☀️ how is your day going?
Gabe: are you keen to catch up a little later today - before 10:30?
*Take notes ppl.
Me: Hey! day is going really well thanks. hope yours is too
Me: yeah absolutely… I was gonna go buy some more of my fav ice cream after work so.. maybe I’ll join your nightly ritual 😉🍦
Gabe: night ice cream date… i like it 😋
9…
9.30….
10…
10:25..
(I’m gonna crash out. MONTOYA POR FAVORRRRR)
10:29…….
AAAAAAAND ur blocked.
The end.
F*ck that would have been a cool ending.
But damn!!!! REALLY!??? AGAIN!??????
He was blockidy-blocked on everything. Calls, texts, WhatsApp, Instagram. The only way he could reach me now was via Harry Potter owl.
Moving on…
The next day I met a friend after work. Of course we were having a typical girl kiki and sharing our dating stories. I was telling her about my talking stage purgatory that just ended when I got a call. It was from a random number. I was planning some events at the time and thought it might be someone from work.
Me: Hello?
Hi, Nayomi!?
Me: Hi, yes… Who is this? (-Samantha Jones)
I still thought it was someone from work. To be fair I’ve only heard his voice once.
It’s Gabe.
Me: ?… ? Um.. sorry, Gabe ?
Okay now I knew who it was, I was just being a b*tch.
Gabe: GABE (nervous laugh), it’s Gabe.. I couldn’t reach you for some reason. I tried to call you last night but I couldn’t.
Me: OH… Oh ohhh… (I looked at my friend silently giggling). Umm.. Yeah, you couldn’t reach me bc you’re blocked.
Gabe: Yeah … I gathered that much. I didn’t understand why…
Me: You didn’t understand why after you told me you would call me before 10:30 and didn’t, I blocked you?
YALL- I wasn’t even mad. I mean I was annoyed but I was being so unserious about it. I mean, am I really gonna let a MAN ruin my mood.
Gabe: We didn’t have a set time, I didn’t know you were expecting me to call you at a certain time.
Me: Yeah we didn’t. You just said you would call me before 10:30, and you’ve not really respected my time and ghosted me before so…….. !! And I have no idea how you’re calling me now
Gabe: Okay, I didn’t realize 10:30 was a hard stop. I’m really sorry. I didn’t understand that. I didn’t mean to stand you up. And I had to log into my business Skype to call you because that’s the only way I could reach you.
My jaw was dropped…. I was just looking at my friend in disbelief. I thought the whole thing was kind of funny.
Me: Okay, well I’m actually out now with a friend so… I gotta go.
Gabe: Okay, sure. But can I please call you tomorrow to explain? It’s been really busy but I really do want to see you.
NO GABE, you’ve disregarded my boundaries, disrespected my time, AND taken advantage of my kindness !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I’m not gonna wait for your calls again, but, clearly you can reach me.
NAYOMIIIIIIIIIIIIII!????????? B*TCH!!!
What are you doing?? Are you okay???
OMG- FINE. Fine, I confess, I liked that he hopped on his lil skype account to call me. I liked the determination. That was all a part of the toxicity left in me from my last serious relationship. I thought it was normal to go back and forth, back and forth, f*ck up and ask for forgiveness, and do something drastic like, ~find a way to contact someone when you KNOW you’re blocked. Isn’t that what the movies show us? Show up at someone’s house with a juke box over your shoulders? Build them a whole damn house?
How about… just not f*ck up in the first place.
I wish, I WISH, I was one of those people that couldn’t be swayed. I’m REALLY working on that. That’s why I block people. The much more mature thing would be to say “hey you crossed this line, that’s important to me so I’m not interested in exploring this anymore. I appreciate the apology anyway.”
Maybe next time I can send that message and then block, lol. But unfortunately for me, I can be convinced, and it’s led to spending way more time in shit situations than I needed to be. God made me too much of an empath, too much of a people pleaser, and with too many chances, since I’m giving them out left and f*cking right. But for people like me it’s even more important to set hard boundaries and stick to them. People will always see how far they can push them, and the truth is, only as far as you let them.
Anyway, I know this now. I know in healthy relationships there’s not gonna be all this back and forth. I know that if they have to keep apologizing nonstop for the same things, something’s wrong. And I know that setting a boundary isn’t enough. It’s my job, and my responsibility to enforce it.
Damn.. I wish I knew this back then.
Anyway, we talked on the phone the next day.
Then I didn’t hear from him again for a week.
So basically nothing changed (lol). I wish I could say I ended it there (shaking my head). That I called him out for being so hot and cold and said that the inconsistency wasn’t working for me. I was being breadcrumbed! BTW- breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention—occasional flirty texts, sporadic check-ins—to keep you hooked and confused, without any real intention of committing. It’s the dating equivalent of tossing crumbs instead of offering a full meal, leaving you hungry for more while they stay in control.
If you take anything out of this blog, let it be that.
But it didn’t end it there. I wish it was a mic drop moment, but the reality was much less anticlimactic.
He was travelling, came back and needed his “me” time. (f*ck you and your me time). He filled me in on his trip, I told him how I started a new role at work and how my weekend trip to Mykonos got cancelled. My weekend freed up.
Gabe: I’m sorry to hear about your trip! Is it cancelled or just postponed?
bla bla bla…
He sent pictures from the wedding he went to.
Gabe: Congrats on your new role! Are you enjoying it?
It kinda dawned on me in that moment…
What the f*ck am I doing?
… he is never gonna actually ask me to meet up.
I just never responded and left it at that lol.
Again, I could have probs been more mature and just directly said “Hey, it doesn’t seem like this is really going anywhere so I’m not interested in exploring this further.” But I know myself, I didn’t want to open to door and invite an excuse. And by that point.. I just didn’t care. I didn’t wanna keep getting breadcrumbed, I was over it.
Also… I know it was more than 3 strikes.. but 6 strikes and you’re out just doesn’t sound as good (and makes me seem kind of lame) so let’s just pretend it was 3, and I promise I learned my lesson.
I guess in the end… life is like a box of chocolates
Sorry, sorry, wrong metaphor.
I guess in the end, I’m a lot like a carbonara pasta. I’m a simple person. I require basic consideration and respect, but a lot of attention and care.
And if you mess up the timing…
you’re f*cked.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
1) Set your boundaries and try your damn hardest to enforce them. Boundaries make people respect you MORE and lead to stronger relationships. If they don’t respect your boundaries, they are not your person.
2) DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE BREADCRUMBED. If someone is giving you minimal attention, just enough to keep you hooked and confused- you are their option not their priority!!!!
