*Theo, 20 something- Cougar Nay: Part 2
Pros:
Tall
Fit
Smart
Extremely kind
Super nice smile
Confident but not cocky
Great texter & communicator
Chemistry was there but need to see how it develops
Great physical chemistry
Generous
Matched my freak
Cons:
I don’t wanna give it away but you’ll know when you get to that part
You know it’s a good sign when the pros start stacking up and the cons start disappearing…
And with that- onto the date!
Another gorgeous day in sunny Lugano. On the Lake. Just me, Theo, and……………….
HUH?
What do you mean the other guys are here too????
NO…
Really? Are you kidding me?
I come here all the time and I have never- I repeat, NEVER- just randomly run into my coworkers.
And of course, it’s not just any coworkers. It’s the interns.
The ones who know me. And him. And are annoying enough to be smug about it.
Sure enough, two of them walked over to us.
“Well hellooo, is this a dateee??” (in their British accent, which is real, unlike the one I use in my head).
No shit, what does it look like.
After a brief conversation with them, they went back to their lounge chairs, and Theo and I stayed on grassy little spot where he had already put his towel down. Thankfully they left not long after so I felt a little more ~easy.
Theo: I’m so happy to see you
Me: same (smiling)
Theo: So how was your week?
We talked about what was going on at work. He told me that he was finishing up his rotation in Lugano and had a lot of work to do before it ended. But instead of going back to Zurich he was off the Bali.
Me: That’s incredible! So you get the best of Lugano and then straight to Bali…. never ending summer!
I knew he wasn’t gonna be in Lugano forever anyway and really had no expectations or desire for this to develop, but he seemed like a nice person, so I was looking forward to the day anyway.
I told him I’d just been thrown into the steel trading team and was completely out of my depth. Someone went on maternity leave, and apparently, the best replacement was someone with zero steel trading experience.
Do I know anything about steel? No.
Am I a marketing and communications girly? Yes.
Did I sign up for this? Absolutely not.
But of course, it was a “Gr8 oPporTunitY” 🙃.
It was a set up, is what it was. My head was spinning every day, drowning in steel jargon.
Credit lines. SHIPPING?? Who’s paying to load the ship? Unload the ship?
FILO? LIFO? (eyeroll). Incoterms?? CFR? FOB? DDP??? Too many letters. Not enough will to live.
Me: Yeah.. it’s kind of crazy… I’m, kinda winging it… (laughing). But somewhere in Brazil, there’s steel, that I bought from China, and I sold. And that’s pretty cool!
Theo: That is very cool!! That’s awesome, and I’m sure you’re doing great and learning fast.
He was encouraging and sweet.
We talked a bit more about the things I actually liked about the job. I really liked my contacts from China and Brazil… they always asked when I’d visit lol. I thought it was cool to navigate two different cultures back to back. How growing up Sri Lankan-American kind of trained me to balance two cultures at once.
Talking to him felt effortless. He was curious and interested.
Me: Anyway, what about you! I’m sure medical school is more stressful than steel trading (laughing). What’s been the hardest part?
He was telling me how school was hard but it was all interesting to him so he enjoyed it. He’s a chemistry, biology, dream science partner type. It was clear he was very, very smart, but was understated about it. He told me that the most challenging part is when he does these rotations and he assists on some surgeries. (Also the school system is different than in America so keep that in mind if you think it’s weird).
He told me about the different surgeries and the small parts he played in them. The general process. Everything from broken bones to gender affirmation surgeries. I was deeeply interested in this conversation. Someone that has knowledge in something that I don’t is naturally going to be an interesting person to listen to. And TBH, I love, LOVE learning about how things work. One day I’ll be scrolling on my phone at home and think…. how am I getting wifi right now? How is this happening. How does it work? —>Google. Okay… something about radio waves? Then there’s also fiber optic strands? But where do those strands start? WHAT IS WIFI. I’m more confused than before I googled. I’ll have to YouTube next. I still don’t have a clear answer, so if someone could explain that to me, I would love that. Anyway, I had a rare opportunity to ask some questions and took it.
Theo: I did lot of gender affirmation surgeries in Zurich
Me: Really?! Zurich?? I … did not expect that
Theo: Yess! It’s like a hub in Europe. We do many, many surgeries for that
Me: Wow, that’s great. Is it difficult?
He told me the steps, the medical terms, he was talking with his hands, he was so passionate about medical care and was explaining it so well. It was enlightening. Honestly, I knew very little about it and it’s obviously not the kind of thing you ask about. I was really intrigued.
Me: I have kind of a stupid question
Theo: There’s no such thing as a stupid question! Of course you can ask… I’ll try to answer. I’m also still learning (laughing)
He had such a safe presence. Like nonjudgmental and humble.
Me: Well… maybe it’s not a stupid question, maybe it’s just, insensitive? I don’t even know if that’s the right word. But after all that- the surgery, the recovery period (which is much longer and more difficult than I had expected), are these operations… functional? Or more for aesthetics and to feel your body is finally matching your identity? I mean, that’s already a huge thing and would already be a success but, I mean, will they eventually be able to receive pleasure?
Theo: That’s not a stupid question. Actually it’s very interesting, most of the time… yes it does work, and they can receive pleasure. A lot of it is influenced by psychological factors. Orgasms are 80% mental.
Oh-
First of all, idk if that’s true or something they just teach in Swiss medical school since I was only able to find one article here in America that confirmed that statistic when I tried to fact check it, and it was specifically about women (lol). But, regardless-
Oh-
Why….. was that so hot?
First of all, he was passionate about what he was talking about.
hot.
He was knowledgeable and knew his shit.
hot.
He was humble about still learning and didn’t have an inflated ego.
hot.
He was approachable and didn’t make me feel dumb or bad for asking questions. Even one’s I didn’t feel totally comfortable asking.
hot.
And he’s a man who understands psychological factors influence pleasure, and isn’t just like- ME MAN, ME FEEL GOOD while he beats his…
Chest. I was gonna say chest. Like Tarzan. Get your head out of the gutter!
I don’t know, I’m getting a lot of green flags here.
He might be young but… he’s definitely mature.
Oh also, most of the time we were talking he was caressing my leg with his fingers. He was very touchy, but in a sweet and non creepy way.
I looked down at his fingers gently running up and down my shins…
Me: So I assume your love language is physical touch? (laughing)
Theo: (laughing) Sorry, I can stop.
We were facing each other. He was sitting criss-crossed and I had my legs out and was leaning back on my arms.
Me: No… I’m just teasing… I like it
Theo: You are so beautiful, I can’t help it!
He was just being nice, but ya’ll know flattery works on me. HA. But it was more than that, it was just his whole energy. He was so sweet, it was sooo endearing to me.
I sat upon my knees, so we were eye to eye, and smiled at him.
He smiled back.
And I leaned in and kissed him.
Yes IIII LEANED IN AND KISSED HIM.
AHHHHHHH!!!
I could not tell you what came over me… but sometimes- I am fearless! Social anxiety? Who is she? (This is rare, I’m a pretty anxious person lol).
But I don’t know, I felt like he was giving me all the signals but wanted to be respectful and didn’t wanna cross any lines or make me uncomfortable… or maybe he was just nervous? IDK, but I was feeling it, and I DID IT.
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back.
Eventually I pulled away and made a face… ever so sightly nodding. The face you make when you’re pleasantly surprised. That was a great kiss. I guess it was the green light he needed. From then on he was even more affectionate and didn’t hold back.
Me: So what were you reading when I got here?
He pulled out a book from his tote.
Me: Shut up! That’s my favorite book
It was “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. If you haven’t read it- run don’t walk. It’s so good.
Theo: No way really?
Me: Yess!! What part are you on?
He smiled and handed me the book. I opened it to where he had a bus ticket tucked in between the pages.
I sat in between his legs, leaned into him and used his chest as my backboard. Made myself comfortable, and started reading.
“Charles Schwab was passing though one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking. Immediately above their heads was a sign that said “No Smoking.” Did Schwab point to the sign and say, “Can’t you read?” Oh, no not Schwab. He walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, and said, “I’ll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside.” They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule—and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important. Couldn’t keep from loving a man like that, could you?”
I mean, COME ON- it’s so good. This book is full of little golden nuggets like that.
Me: I love this chapter. It makes me want to read it all over again!
Anyway, the afternoon flew by. We talked, we swam, he caressed my forearms and calves and we exchanged some sweet kisses. The whole day was wholesome and cute.
Theo: So do you have any siblings?
We had the sibling talk and I told him about mine and he told me about his. He’s one of two and has an other brother.
Me: So you’re the baby? (teasing)
Theo: ahah kind of. But we’re super different. I’m the really structured one that liked school and followed a set path to medicine and he’s more of a free spirit. So he’s twenty sev-
AH!-
Me: Okay, I don’t wanna know, don’t tell me !! (laughing)
I did not want to knowwwwww. If his older brother is 27… then he would be… less than 27, and… idk, I don’t wanna date someone my younger brothers age (or younger, God forbid). Even if it’s just this one day- ignorance is bliss. I mean he was obviously an adult so it’s not creepy to say that. SAY OV-HOOOO (If you don’t get the Kendrick reference after the Super Bowl… I can’t help you).
Theo: Why, how old are you?
Me: Mmm, I’m not sure by how much, but I’m definitely older than you
I said, teasing him with my smug face. Anyway we both laughed it off and kept talking, and just censored his age out of it.
Again- NOTHING wrong with dating older or younger, and actually I think there’s a f*cked up double standard where it’s socially acceptable for older men to date younger women and “wrong” for older women to date younger men. It’s not wrong, it’s totally fine. It’s just not my preference and makes me feel kinda weird.
Anyway I wanted some water so he went with me to the little bar to order. While we were waiting in the line, I see from the corner of my eye….
My old boss!????
Oh my God.
Is everyone here today??
This was my boss when I was working while doing my Masters. He’s a hard-ass Lawyer but, actually we got along really well, and I’m still very fond of him. He was there with his wife who I’ve met a few times when we did our team aperitivos.
Okay- well it’s clear we saw each other. I have to go say hi.
Of course I was wearing my white button down over my swim suit but I only had one button closed.
*quickly buttoned the rest of the shirt lol
So I went up and said hi to him and his wife, we chatted a bit. Thankfully they were just there to grab a drink at the little restaurant/bar area. I mean the whole convo was maybe 3 minutes bc I didn’t want to be rude and leave Theo alone for too long, but…………………….
Tell me why Theo walked up to us and shook their hands and introduced himself?…………………………………..
Ummm….
I guesssssss… sweet…. … .. ?
I don’t know, lmao…. I thought it was polite, but he definitely did not have to do that. Like, he’s NOT my boyfriend, I feel like no introduction really had to be made(??)But…. okay, I’m maybe being a bit harsh- it was a sweet thing done with good intentions. I mean maybe they thought he was just my friend, but why would my friend even walk up to us like that, idk. Let’s just hope they didn’t see me making out with him. Do I sound like a f*ckboy? Maybe.
Perhaps this isn’t really a side of me you guys have ever seen. Like for sure I “looove love”. It’s all fun and games when I’m in my delulu bubble and I’m having a travel fling, great connection, or date, and feeling the sparks in my own (mentally) private oasis… But once it crosses into my real life. Real colleagues, family, friends… eeeeeehh…. I’m not really THAT comfortable letting people in. Sometimes even I forget it myself. We always notice when other people lead us on, aren’t fully emotionally available, put up walls, flip flop between being extremely intimate and then extremely distant.
But didn’t I just do the same thing?
Maybe not outwardly, but the internal embarrassment? The way I wished he would have just… not?
Am I really a certified lover girl… or a wolf in sheep’s clothing? (I’m a drama kwueen 4 sure).
Maybe both. You guys hear things from my perspective, and I try to be a reliable narrator, but I can only tell you what is true for me. And what is true for me, is true for everyone. We all see ourselves as the main character. The hero. The victim. Rarely do we pause and think- shit, maybe I’m the villain.
Because if I was soooo nice, like I think I am, in my head, wouldn’t I have genuinely been happy he came and introduced himself. This person I was just cuddling up next to and kissing. Wouldn’t I have NOT mentally distinguished, YOU- sweet guy that’s been nothing but nice to me, are NOT a part of my life, and my old boss IS. And my image with those people in my life is real, and I did not like that there was a new variable that threw me off.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to be protective of your life or who you bring into it. I think it’s totally normal for people to feel out who they’re dating before they introduce them to family or friends. Making sure it’s a person worthy of making that introduction.
In the moment, obviously I just felt super uncomfortable and embarrassed, but played it off. But now that I’ve had time to process it- why I felt that way, whether it was a normal reaction- I think it was kinda weird that I was so embarrassed about being like ”This is my friend Theo, blababla". I don’t knowww, maybe I’m overthinking it. What do you think? In my head it kind of makes sense why I felt that way. But then I think- I just know I would hate if someone felt that way about me on a date if we ran into people they know. Which brings me right back to my point. It’s fine when I do it, sucks when someone else does it? Always the hero, never the villain.
Anyway that was a philosophical tangent- thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Back to the story!
The sun was setting and the Lido was doing a bbq dinner night.
Theo: Hungry? Wanna grab some food?
Me: Yess! Starving
Something about being in water makes me so ravenous lol.
I got ribs (doi) and he got a luganighetta (which is just a yummy salty sausage), and it came with some potato salad.
Yum yum yummm.
I was popping off on my ribs, licking my fingers- I mean, how else are you supposed to eat ribs? We were still sitting on the grassy area…. eating and talking. It was just the most chill summer vibe.
It started getting dark.
Theo: So… do you want to stay here? We can grab a drink at LUMA if you want?
Oooo I like that he didn’t want the date to end.
Me: Yeah why not, LUMA sounds good.
We had been at the Lido practically all day, I was ready for a change.
We packed up our things and walked down. It’s about a 30/35 minute walk, but it went by so fast. Which I guess is a good sign and means I was enjoying the views and the company. It was dark out but you could see the city lights reflecting off the lake. It was beautiful.
We got to LUMA and found a place on the large stone stairs to sit down.
Theo: What do you want to drink?
Me: White wine is good
He went to go get our drinks and I had a few moments to myself.
Hm, this is going unexpectedly well. I mean he is such a nice guy. At the same time, I know it’s not going anywhere. But honestly, I’m just enjoying it. It’s been a while since I went on such a good date.
He came back and we talked and sipped our wine. He was caressing my forearm and it was just very sweet. I loved the way he touched me throughout the entire date. It was warm and affectionate and, who wouldn’t like that?? Well maybe people who don’t like to be touched but.. i don’t relate to you LOL.
Theo: do you want anything else? Another glass of wine or some food?
Me: No, no… thank you (smiling) I’m good.
You know when you’ve been out the entire day and you just don’ttt wanna be out anymore?
I feel like he could kind of sense those were my vibes. I was winding down.
Theo: So Nayomi… what are your plans tonight?
………………………………………………………..
Ya’ll…. I don’t-
Uh- You know what…
It had been a looooong summer. Last year was summer of European lovers, remember? This summer was as dry as the Sahara desert. I didn’t really meet anyone that nice or interesting and sometimes…. a girl just needs a damn luganighetta.
Me: Ummm… You know what… I think I’m gonna spend it with you
(pause for your reaction)
I know b*tch, I KNOW.
So I was feeling ~ballsy and fearless, and to be blunt, I was DTF.
His face, ears, eyes… PERKED up. It was like holding a treat in front of a puppy. He paused mid arm caress-
Theo: Really??
He looked soooo excited (and also in disbelief).
I smiled and nodded.
Me: Yes really!
He smiled soo big and leaned in and kissed me.
AH! Cute!
Theo: Would you want to go to your place or mine?
Hmmm… I had to think about it. I kind of prefer to keep my sacred girl apartment private and for myself (and friends.) It’s my space. I’m sure other people feel differently. Maybe they feel more comfortable on their own turf. I would rather go somewhere else and leave when I want. It’s easier than getting someone to leave your place. On the other hand, it’s always a toss up how a guy’s apartment is going to be. Like if it’s messy or dirty… I’m out. But the plus side about that is, I have free will and can leave whenever I want!
Me: Let’s do yours
It’s crazy he lives just a few minutes from me.
Me: No way, I pass by this building all the time
We walked up the stairs and I held my breath a bit in anticipation as he opened the door. What should I expect?
Yall… it was beautifullllll.
I mean of course he was just renting it bc he was doing a rotation, but this apartment was GORGOUS. A rustic wood dining table, eye catching wall art. And it was spick and span. CLEAN.
I can definitely let my guard down in here…
Theo: Do you mind if I take a shower? I promise I’ll be quick
Me: No, not at all! Actually I might take one after you (laughing). I can feel all the lake water on me. (scrunching my face)
In case you haven’t f*cking noticed, I’m kind of a germaphobe.
I looked out the window, onto the street and thought about how many times I had walked on that sidewalk. The building was overlooking my old school and a Chinese restaurant I like. I never saw it from this perspective.
Within a few minutes, he was behind me, hugging me and kissing my cheek and neck.
Well damn. This is kinda steamy.
I turned around and we made out a bit by the window. It was fabulous. I was on my tippy toes and he was a really good kisser.
How many times was I walking on that sidewalk… or any sidewalk, and completely unaware that people were having passionate kisses over my head. Well I hope so at least. Adds a little magic to this world.
Me: Okay, I’ll be right back, thanks
I was nervous again. Not because of him. But…. a man’s bathroom can potentially be dangerous territory. And everything was going so well!
But let me tell you something- Let me tell you something !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Men, please…
PLEASE for the love of GOD, please keep your toilets and your showers clean.
They should be clean every day but especially if you’re gonna have a woman over, they should be immaculate.
…
Once again-
this man is perfect, omg.
Sparking clean bathroom.
Whewww… sigh of relief.
If you’re wondering if that would have actually been a deal breaker, if I would have left if it wasn’t clean… yes, I would have. I would have ran for my life.
But I didn’t have to. I took a lovely shower, and came out of the bathroom, still towel drying my hair when I was kissed and whisked into his bedroom. Oh Theo- don’t let me down now!
I mean it’s better to not have any expectations going into these things. But… I had only hooked up with one younger guy before (I mean younger by years not by months) and…… it wasn’t great. He was so cute but, I don’t know, it just seemed like he was trying to recreate something he saw online and it was just…. off-beat? I mean not to revisit my own analogy but… if it’s done well, it should be more of a dance… there’s a rhythm.
Let’s hope Theo can find the rhythm.
He’s also such a sweet guy, like what will the vibes be? Will it be sweet and tender? Hopefully not boring. Maybe he’ll exceed all expectations?! Who knows…
Wellllllllllllllllllllll…………………………………………………………………….
Mr. Sweet wholesome Theo…
is a gentleman in the streets and a freak in the sheets.
Oh my.
Um- he was very, very generous. Definitely on beat.
Okay me worrying about his age was stupid. I will be the first to admit that.
I was like an all you can eat restaurant
This guy deserves the world.
It was all going well. Until… out of nowhere…
SLAP!
Whhhhhaaaat theee fff-
Did I just get slapped across the face!????
I was flabbergasted.
Okay body is one thing- body is socially acceptable- but my face?? MY FACE??
If i had a nickel for every time I got slapped in the face during sex, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird it happened twice.
Um, I was thrown off! I mean I was shocked, but not as shocked as the first time. The first time I literally thought a bird flew into my face. I was looking up, looking for the bird. I didn’t know what hit me- literally. But that’s another story.
Anyway.. ummm.. hmmmm… how do we feel about that?…
When I told my friends this story, they were divided. Half were dying laughing and the other half were disturbed.
“Nayomi, what did you do next? Were you okay with it?? Were you offended? Mad? Did you like it? Hate it?”
Honestly?
MEEE… personallyyyy...
I didn’t mind.
I mean, my parents hit me growing up, so I guess I’m desensitized (lol?).
(I love my parents, even if they have amnesia about it. They even slapped me in front of my white friends! They didn’t give a f*ck lol.)
Maybe I kinda even liked it (do I need therapy?).
But would I always be okay with it? No. Definitely a case-by-case basis.
Context matters. The person, the situation, the vibe- all of it. What feels fine with one person could feel completely different with someone else. It wasn’t actually hard enough to hurt me- I was mostly just surprised. And to be fair, he’d been so sweet and gentle all day. I know he didn’t think there was anything bad about it, and wasn't trying to be degrading. He was trying to be spicy-whatever. Should’ve asked first, yes, but I wasn’t offended. But just because I was fine in this specific case doesn’t mean someone else would be.
And that’s exactly why this is really something that should be discussed beforehand.
Because let’s be real- there’s nothing sexy about someone flinching in fear, feeling uncomfortable, or straight-up hating what just happened. You’re not killing the vibe by asking, you’re making sure the vibe stays good! And if anything, knowing you’re on the same page? Way hotter than hoping for the best and potentially (re)traumatizing someone…
It doesn’t have to be some super serious, awkward conversation. A quick, casual “Hey, is there anything you don’t like? Anywhere you wouldn’t want me to slap you??? Are you into anything rough?” is literally all it takes. If they are, great! If not, also great! The point is, it gives people a chance to set their own boundaries and feel safe, which obviously makes the experience better for everyone.
And if you are into these things (or more), there’s nothing wrong with that either! No shame in asking for what you want, just like there’s no shame in setting a boundary for what you don’t want. The message stays the same- just have the conversation!
So yeah. Be hot, be fun, be a freak if that’s your vibe! But don’t be out here throwing hands without a heads-up.
Thank you for coming to my second Ted Talk.
Okay so now that we’ve covered consent and boundaries, we can move on to the rest of the story.
Thankfully the slap didn’t kill my mood. My mom’s slapped me harder.
Anyway, I very much enjoyed the rest of the night. I mean, besides the infamous slap, everything else was… perfect.
For me at least. I was beyond satisfied. But I don’t know if my stamina is getting worse with age, ‘cuz I was exhausted. I had to call a time out.
*Ref blows the whistle
[Sports Broadcaster voice]
AND THERE IT IS, FOLKS- Nayomi calls a time out!
Theo is leading an aggressive offense, absolutely dominating the field, with five touchdowns on the board and no signs of slowing down. Meanwhile, Nayomi has yet to score, struggling to keep up with the relentless pace.
The crowd is on their feet- will she make a comeback, or is this game getting called early? Stay tuned!
…
FIVE touchdowns!! FIVE?! Read between the lines people !!
Jesus, how much stamina and self control does this guy have??
I needed a break. I needed water. I needed to catch my breath.
Just a small break… a tiiiiny break. A water break. I’m not out of the game. I just need a breather!! Lemme just close my eyes for a sec… just a se
…
So the next morning….
(Oops! I fell asleep.)
I woke up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated! My summer drought had ended!
*Cue Toto’s Africa
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from youuuuu
There's nothin' that a hundred men or more could ever dooooo
I bless the ra-ains down in AAA-fri-caaaa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never haaAAAd, ooh-hooOOoo
Okay, I may be down on the scoreboard, but I ain’t no quitter!
He had his arms wrapped around me, and slowly opened his eyes. He had that cute sleepy look on his face. I had a different look. A mischievous look. A look that says, “I’m about to devour you.”
He smiled and kissed me. I kissed him back and ran my fingers through his hair and pulled myself closer to him. I was ready for my comeback.
[Movie director voice]
AAND…. ACTION
I was about to roll o-
Wait- I have to pee.
…
CUT (eyeroll)
brb! (I just woke up, and I drank a lot of water last night before falling asleep!! What do you want from me??)
Okay, I’m back.
ACTION
I walked back into the room and crawled onto the bed and over him while making direct eye contact. I was locked in.
I was a tiger on the prowl.
Final score 6-1.
Alright, I’ll take it!
Theo: Wow….…thanks
Obviously he didn’t need to thank me.
I was playfully like, “had to finish what I started.”
I was very pleased with myself lol.
Aaaand with that…. it’s time to go home.
As I was leaving I got to inspect his room a little more in the daylight. I noticed a few things laying around like a stethoscope on top of his dresser with his name engraved in it. Aw, that’s nice.
He walked me to the door with a big smile.
Me: alright, I’ve gotta get going but that was a lot of fun! Thank you!
I tiptoed and gave him a hug.
Theo: Ahhh Nayomi!!
(he always said my name with so much excitement it was the cutest thing ever <3)
Theo: The pleasure was all mine really.
In my head I thought, “No Theo, the pleasure was mine.”
But I just smiled and waved as I headed down the stairs.
That was… nice. I didn’t have any romantic feelings towards him or any desire to pursue it more (nor did he). But I have to say, he is… lovely.
The next week, I was heading to the Italian countryside to visit a friend for the long weekend. I had a six-hour train ride ahead of me.
Hm, maybe I’d like to borrow that book after all.
I texted Theo, and he was super sweet and let me.
So, I started rereading How to Win Friends and Influence People on the train. And every morning when I woke up, at my friend’s house, I’d take my espresso and my book outside, sit under the biggest fig tree in her backyard, and read.
She lives on this gorgeous property tucked away in the hills, surrounded by sunflower fields. Just absolutely insane views, straight out of a movie. There were like five different types of fig trees in her yard, all with their own different flavor. We’d pick figs straight off the branches and eat them.
Our days were slow. In the morning, I’d read while her cat curled up next to me. And sometimes bite me for no reason. We'd visit castles during the afternoon, drive to the beach for a picnic in the evening. And at night, we’d lay out pillows and blankets and look at the stars. No city lights, no noise. Just silence.
And it really hit me- this summer was so different from the last.
Last summer was a whirlwind. European lovers, riding on the back of Vespas, late dinners, too much wine, probably an unhealthy amount of cigarettes. That rush you get when you have a crush. The excitement of something new. Everything felt electric.
This summer? It was quieter. No fun romances, no whirlwind moments, no getting swept away to a fancy villa.
Okay, you know what- I’ve already gone on a few tangents in this blog, so might as well throw in one more. Recently a good friend of mine started a blog about heartbreak and her healing journey, and sent it to me to get my opinion. It’s great, well written, and a topic we can all relate to. My only advice to her was to keep it as honest as possible. I told her at times it felt like she was making her “resolve” too quick, or minimizing that she actually still had lingering feelings. She was writing as if she was “over it” but she actually wasn’t. And I could feel it. The readers would feel it too. Her best writing was raw, truthful. It was when she leaned into her feelings, didn’t shy away from them. It made the writing more authentic and more relatable. So if you want your writing to be good, be honest. If you want it to be shit, lie to your readers- actually, lie to yourself, about how you feel. It’s hard though- and I just caught myself doing it.
I kind of reduced it down to ~summer flings, fun romances and whirlwind moments, but I actually met someone I liked. Even if it was by accident. (Both the meeting and the feelings). And if I’m being perfectly honest, I still had lingering feelings a year later, which is so painfully embarrassing to admit. Why is it always harder to get over someone you spent 5-10 business days with, more than someone you spent years with lol?? Rhetoric question. I couldn’t shake off my crush and I was just breadcrumbed enough to stay interested. You always hope you’re gonna meet someone you just naturally like more than the last, or time will just help soften or fade away those feelings. There was no one after him I liked more. Wish I did. But it’s not really something you can force, control, or rush.
I didn’t meet anyone who made me excited- and at the risk of sounding SO LAME- made my heart race.
So yeah, my summer wasn’t a whirlwind like the last. It was different, but equally good.
I spent it with friends. Swam in the sea, stargazed, had amazing food, and saw beautiful places.
And honestly? That’s more than enough. Maybe even exactly what I needed.
A few days after I got back, I heard from the interns at work that it was Theo’s last night in Lugano. I really think he’s a great person and wanted to send him good wishes.
Me: i heard it’s your last night !!!
Me: allll the best Theo!! so so nice meeting you!!
Theo: Thank you Nayomi!! It was nice meeting you too
Theo: The only constant in life is change
Theo: Keep hustling! Next time I come to Lugano you are already the CEO of this fucking steel company😝
Me: ahaha that’s the plan 🤪
Me: have a safe trip back to zurich and amazing adventures in bali and beyond. super excited for you 😘
Theo: Thank you so much!! :)) all the best Nayomi💯💯💯💯
And that was that.
No crush, no feelings.
I had a reallyy nice time with a really nice person.
Sometimes, you've just gotta take the sweet moments as they come.
When life gives you lemons... quench your thirst.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Okay we covered a lot in this blog…
1) We can justify anything to ourselves. The best way to check if you’re actually being fair- or just spinning a narrative that makes you feel better- is to ask: “Would I be okay if someone treated me the way I’m treating them?” This applies to dating, friendships, and honestly, life in general.
2) Consent and boundaries aren’t mood killers, they’re vibe protectors. If you’re not sure- ASK. Making sure everyone’s comfortable and on the same page keeps things fun, safe, and way better for everyone involved.
3) You can’t fast-forward through getting over someone. Just accept that it's a process, not a race. But that doesn't mean you have to put your life on pause either.
4) Romantic relationships are just one piece of the joy equation, but they’re not the whole thing. Some of the best moments have nothing to do with romance at all. They’re about being fully present for what’s right in front of you. Friends, good food, beautiful places. What more could you ask for!
5) Not every connection has to be that serious. Sometimes, a sweet moment is just that- a sweet moment. And that’s all it needs to be.
