Rejection
Well, I guess it only took for me to get my ass kicked to start writing again.
I’m sitting here, tears rolling down my face, part sad, part angry… mostly just defeated… feeling hopeless and pretty shitty to be honest.
And it’s not even about a boy, or a relationship. That’s probably the one thing that’s going right.
It’s about a job.
(ew)
Have you ever experienced the hell of applying for jobs? Ever gotten laid off? Changed careers? If you answered no to all of those, consider yourself very lucky. It’s horrible. It’s brutal.
I’ve been in this shit ass situation for just about a year now. Sorry- I know I’m not my usual cheery self but, damn… it’s been a year.
And when I say it’s brutal, I mean it’s brUUUUtaaal.
And you know what this whole process of applying for jobs has reminded me of? Wanting something so bad, getting your hopes up only to be disappointed, getting ghosted, getting rejected… getting rejected again, and again, and again? Does this sound familiar to anyone else?
Does this sound a hell of a lot like dating??
This thought has crossed my mind so many times over the last year.
Don’t get me wrong, throughout this year, yes I’ve had work, but I’m still looking for thee job. You know, the dream job. The one that’s just right. Just like if you’ve been dating but you’re still looking for thee man (or woman). So for context, I work for a realllly small start up. The CEO is literally a marketing genius whose climbed to the top of the corporate ladder and decided to start a business of her own. So I’m literally learning from the best. But I’m making little to nothing. Which was totally fine as an interim solution while I apply for… thee job, but as a long term situation… well, let’s just say it was never meant to be a long term situation!
So here I am, just short of a year of being laid off. Which is a lot like a bad breakup if you think about it. You get f*cked and then dropped.
And I just can’t help but to draw the parallels between applying and dating. Are they really so different after all?
Let’s start with the ghosting since that’s where this unfortunate comparison started. I had applied to a bunch of jobs, but I remember one that really stood out. It was for a communications role for a hotel. But like corporate. I got so excited because, well with the amount I travel, that employee discount would HIT. I even personally knew a director of the company through my old job. I utilized my network (absolutely bloody useless bloke he was- so useless my internal monologue British accent came out), wrote a kick ass cover letter, tailored my resume to the job description… I mean I did everything, everything right. Was I the BEST candidate they could find? Maybe, maybe not. I can’t say for sure. But I wouldn’t know and they wouldn’t know since I never got an interview. I never even got a response actually. I just assumed it’s a massive company and they would take some time getting back to all the candidates, but… they never got back to me at all. I kind of couldn’t believe it. I learned very quickly that that happens A LOT when you’re applying. Some companies will give you the courtesy of a rejection email, so you’re not waiting and hoping like an idiot, but a lot will also just… never respond. Well I guess now that I think about it, it doesn’t really count as ghosting. This would be the dating equivalent of matching someone and not getting matched back. Which kind of sucks when you see an absolute hottie and want them to match with you but they never do. Did the algorithm just not push them my profile? Or did they see me and just not feel me?
I’m delusional so I’m gonna go with they never even saw me. But anyway, after a day or two, you see so many other guys/girls, you don’t even remember the face of the one you were hoping would match you back. I mean, it’s not like you actually had any skin in the game. You never even talked. They were just a sexy little fantasy. That’s it. To quote Matthew McConaughey in The Wolf of Wall Street…
So, THANKS for nothing [hotel chain redacted].
Okay I have a better example for actual ghosting. Because I feel like ghosting actually implies that you talked, had some sort of rapport, and then poof! they’re gone. This has happened to me a few times both with dating, and with applying. I would say 95% of the time they eventually come back after disappearing on you… and it’s never really with a message that makes you feel better. It’s almost always just worse. Like if you’re gone… just stay gone. Or as my friend Janil says, “if you slept on me, stay asleep!”
So there was this one company I interviewed for that was soooo cool. There was an opening for a really international role, managing accounts across different countries in Europe. It was a junior account manager position, and they wanted someone new to the industry that could learn and grow with the team. This job had my name written all over it. I even had a dear friend working there. This friend is AMAZING. I had prepared like hell for the interview. I had pages and pages printed of their product lines, special features, industry trends, you name it. My boyfriend was like, “I’ve never seen someone prepare so much for an interview. If they could see how much you prepared, they would hire you just off that.” I wish it worked like that. Anyway, my darling friend sat with me for hours, teaching me the ins and outs of the role (that she did many years ago), updating me on recent changes in the product lines, coaching me through interview questions. Bless her. She was impressed and felt confident I would smash the interview. And I did! I really did! (I’m extremely self critical and will rip myself apart for even minor mistakes, so.. when I say I did the damn thing, you gotta believe me.)
Anyway, time went on and… I didn’t hear anything from them. I assumed they were still vetting other candidates. But one week turned into two, two weeks turned into three. Um.. Maybe I should email them? Just check in? Yeah! I’ll check in. That’s what a proactive person would do. So I did.
No response.
*eye twitch
Oooookay, maybe they’re still deciding.
Three weeks turned into four. Okay I feel like I should have surely heard something back by now. I emailed again (Yes it’s equally as embarrassing as double texting someone who hasn’t texted you back). The next week I texted my friend and asked if she could get me any info. She had spoken to the hiring manager and got the update that she very much still wanted to move ahead with me, but was waiting on a green light from HR since I would need a visa. I was still hopeful and happy that the manager was still interested in me!
So after essentially getting ghosted… tell me why the next day I get the whack ass, basic, most pathetic email apologizing for the delay in response, becauuuusseeeeee
*gaslight drumroll pleaseeeeeee……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
“my emails went to spam.”
Bitch, what the fuck.
I am pretty sure it doesn’t work like that. First of all, Youuuuuuu sent meeeeee emails to schedule the interview. Youuuuu received myyyyy emails confirming the interview in the past… and now after the interview… your email system miraculolusly forgot about our email exchanges and basically went “new phone who dis?”
sure.
(btw I 100% meant that in the voice Kristen Wiig uses in that scene in Bridesmaids when she’s drunk on the plane).
Anyway, they emailed me back saying they are moving ahead with other candiates more suited to the role.
Okay lie to my face.
Now obviously the HR lady didn’t know that I know things straight from the hiring manger. She just didn’t want to admit that the visa was the only reason I wasn’t getting this job. That’s when I learned to treat these companies like I’d treat a certified f*ckboy.
Oooo they liked my look/pics (resume), oooo we chat and date (pre interview and interview), I flex my intellectual pussy, and then they ghost, leave you wondering where you stand, and then eventually come back, and lie straight to your face.
And if you think I’m the only one this happens to, oh boy… my friend got to the final round of interviews at Bloomberg (yeah they should have their shit together), and they ghosted her. Yupp. And when they finally got back to her… they said they forgot they were hiring for the position.
-_-
I wish I was making this up.
BRU-TAL.
If I had just come to this conclusion earlier, I would like to think it would save me some heartbreak, but honestly, I’ve had years to train myself with dating and manage my expectations… but I still secretly get my hopes up for potential jobs.
It’s something I know I shouldn’t do. Like with this job that I just got rejected from. I had such a good feeling. I got an interview just as they opened the position, they were fresh in the process. They wanted to hire asap so I knew it wouldn’t drag on forever. I had interviewed with the company before (but they were too far along with other candidates and stopped all interviews) so I had built some rapport with the HR. And I was very, I mean VERY qualified for the job. Kind of overqualified but not even by that much. I felt gooood.
Of course like I said before, I’m highly critical of myself and I pRepArE a LoT for my interviews. So I even got a hubspot marketing certification and took some courses to up my skills to be the best candidate for the job. I really wanted it because I thought it was THEE dream job. Fully remote, aligns with my skills and background, and amazing perks. Exactly what I’m looking for. They even wanted references and I got my current and past managers to write me glowing recommendation letters. I went into that interview feeling nervous but so confident and proud of myself. Again, I did everything right, or at least I did everything I could do.
Turns out I was overqualified. That’s why I didn’t get it.
Are you f*cking kidding me?
So… as much as I said throughout the process
“I know better than to get excited about a job”
“Anything can happen”
“I’ve gotten my hopes up and gotten let down before, so I’m not getting excited yet”
… I was still devastated when I got the rejection. And I still cried, and still got frustrated. More than I’d like to admit.
I guess it’s more than just getting rejected from this one job. Yes, I really wanted it. But it’s just the accumulation of rejection after rejection, beating down on me like the waves when I almost drowned in Miami (lol). I’m tired. I question myself a lot. My worth, my competence.
What’s wrong with me? A lot of rejection takes a toll. Same for dating, same for jobs. I try to keep those thoughts out because I know it’s not true or productive, but you definitely do doubt yourself in these situations.
But honestly, there’s a lotttt out of our control too. I mean, don’t even get me started on the company that forgot to schedule my interview. Yeah, they just… never scheduled it with the hiring manager… so, after I did all my preparation, I got a whoopsie call from HR. Or the time I got a rejection hours after applying to a company, and then was told that their system accidentally rejected everyone and I should have actually got an interview. I did get an interview btw- just not the job.
Anyway, I really used to get my hopes up over every guy I even had a mild infatuation with (lol). I can’t even remember the amount of times I thought I met thee guy. My friends have a running joke about it. How many times I’ve said “guys, he’s the one.” It’s embarrassing. And hindsight is 20/20- I can for sure look back and say he WASN’T the one. None of them were! Until I legit found the one. The one that I know is the REASON none of the other ones worked out. Because something better was coming all along! I just couldn’t see into the future.
And yeah- do I feel kinda stupid for getting my hopes up a bit for every interview I do? Yeah!! But while I was crying and beating myself up over even being upset in the first place, my aunt reminded me that I get upset because I actually care. I put a lot of effort into anything I do and that’s what makes me a special candidate for the lucky employer that gets to have me.
And just like with dating- why would I want anyone that doesn’t want me? Why would I want to be with someone that doesn’t value me, see my strengths and is eager to lock me down?
Nonono… the rejections might be relentless.. but me.. us (for anyone who is in the same boat with dating or applying), we need to be even more relentless. Because I know for a FACT, the best thing for us is coming our way.
And rejection? Rejection is my friend not my foe. It’s literally clearing the way, making the path.
We can always improve, always get better… but at a certain point, you have to accept that people will accept you or not.
If they do, better for them. If they don’t…
Their loss.
Dating 101 Key Take Aways:
Rejection is protection.
Rejection is redirection.
Rejection is my friend not my foe. It’s clearing the way, making the path.
